domestic violence...

angiebella · #1 (**permalink**) 01-04-2007, 12:03 AM

ok this is a long story so i thank you in advance if you make it to the end!!!

i was with m, the man i devoted myself to unconditionally. the man who crushed my soul, emotionally and physically abused me. i had a child with said monster. his name is che and he's 13 months old.

(the last time m hurt me was when i was walking away from an arguement with a 10 day old che in my arms, he punched me in the back of the head. che and i both went to the hospital with bruising and scraps but no lasting damage)

m has guilt tripped me into letting him have visits with che. i had the sense to not allow this until che was 11 months old and for short periods of time.

since leaving m i have found my lover, my best friend and soul mate. well saw him for what he was i should say. he's been a good friend of mine for about 7 years. he was there for me through the pregnancy with che, there for me after i told m to leave and has been raising che with me since. we are engaged and expecting a brother/sister (my heart says sister) for che.

the situation with m is going to court over che's custody. i am confident that the arrangement will stay much the same if not work out worse for m. he sees che a total of 10 hours a week at the moment. he is asking for 50:50 custody.

i'm ok for advice. i'm dealing pretty well with it all. i'm here because i need encouragement and perhaps people who have been through similar situations to say, "i know how you feel and it sucks but you'll get there and m is a pig".

or even people in or around toowoomba to chat to about anything. i don't know many mums in toowoomba and have struggled to hold onto friendships as a result.

peace out, a.

hanabi · #2 (**permalink**) 01-04-2007, 07:51 AM

Angiebella, you seem to already know you're doing the right thing. Your strength in describing events that took place impresses and amazes me. I'm fortunate to have never been a position of family violence or abuse. I wish you the best that life offers for you and your little boy.

hanabi · #3 (**permalink**) 01-04-2007, 07:52 AM

Oh, and welcome to the Natural Parenting Forums!

~*Nile*~ · #4 (**permalink**) 01-04-2007, 08:03 AM

Unfortunately I know from DV from my step father, that the court will give your ex legal visitation. It's seen that he battered you not the child (which you could argue he did). As far as custody, I'm not a judge but I doubt he'll get shared custody.You've probably already been given this advice by your lawyer but get every bit of evidence (hospital reports, any contact with police, statements from family and friends) to cooberate that he's a violent man.

I find it hard to be non-judgemental on this subject. I can't abide men that hit the women they are supposed to love. They disgust me in fact. Good on you for having the strength to leave. I suspect your ex is fighting custody to get back at you b/c you've moved on from him and he can't control you anymore. Stand strong in fighting him for custody. He doesn't deserve to have your son.

~Harmony~ · #5 (**permalink**) 01-04-2007, 09:15 AM

big hugs, much strength to you, m is a pig

there are toowoomba mum's on here, I'm sure they'll be along shortly.

sorry typing with one hand at present!

evesmum · #6 (**permalink**) 02-04-2007, 03:35 PM

hope it all turns out in your and your familys best interests and most of all good on you for having the strength and courage to leave and create a safe place for you and your little one.

Bejamumma · #7 (**permalink**) 02-04-2007, 03:59 PM

and welcome to NP

No personal experience here either, but wanted to congratulate you on having the strength to walk away from the situation for both you and your DS's sake. I wish you all a happy brighter future.

la · #8 (**permalink**) 02-04-2007, 04:09 PM

i can't imagine what is would be like to walk your path, but i want to wish you all the love and security you need. and thankyou, as a mother, for making the big calls to protect your child.

froggie · #9 (**permalink**) 02-04-2007, 04:16 PM

Firstly, Hi and welcome to NP

I have been in your situation however didn't leave for 13 years. Stupid I know, but we won't go there, so I commend you on your strength to do so. I agree with lilsmum, I doubt very much he will get 50/50 custody, and he is very much a pig! No one deserves to have a hand raised to them & I hope that the laws of Karma work their ways in to these mens lives. Congratulations on finding your soul mate. Enjoy your pregnancy and your new life with your DS.

xxx Amanda

tanby · #10 (**permalink**) 02-04-2007, 07:22 PM

Hiya and welcome! I haven't personally experienced DV in that sense but it takes an immense amount of strength to withstand that and walk away with your head held high. Congratulations on your pregnancy and having found true love through this dark experience!! I sincerely hope that the court system does not award him any kind of custody but at the most a supervised visit, you may find dealing with the legal system a struggle but hang in there you're doing the best for your daughter to keep her safe.