a little bit lost lately..

[earthtots]

This seems like the right place to say that ive been feeling a bit lost. i love being a mum, ilove breast feeding- i love her to bits. but i feel like i have lost part of me and dont know how to get it back.

I miss being able to have time to focus on what i want- and then go out there and get it. i miss long sleeps (yes i know we all know what its like not to look forward to sleep anymore ). I miss chatting to my partner for hours before falling asleep.

im always thinking about what i can do to make me happier. i try to appreciate the 'now' but sometimes its hard at 3am in the morning when i am soooo tired and i have a bub crying in my arms.

well theres my little whinge. thanks for listening.

[Eilleen]

I think we all go through phases of missing what was or even what might have been.

I've found that I really had to work at appreciating the "now". I found meditating helped me towards working at this.

...and EVERYTHING is hard at 3am in the morning. One day, you will look back though and find that all this is a distant memory.

[Hailstorm]

Take heart in knowing that you are not alone. Everyone has days even weeks like this. I felt exactly the same way earlier today, what i find helps me is to get my kids and really try hard to play a fun game with them (even though all I want to do is crawl into bed and snooze) making them laugh and seeing them happy (even though I have to force it in the beginning iykwim) makes me laugh and makes me happy, I was having a horrid day after a horrid night so when hailey finally went down for a sleep I took Ben into my room put him on my bed and we played peek-a-boo for about an hour, by the end of it we were both giggling non stop, it's moments like those that remind me of why I chose to become a mother, it doesn't make the sleep dep any easier but it makes me happy for that moment and for a while afterwards too.
As Eileen said everything IS hard at 3am haha!!
All the best and keep in mind the famous mantra 'This too shall pass'!!
All the best hugs love and kisses to you

[~Harmony~]

I find breathing hard at 3am when a baby is crying

The NP mantra applies here too - this too, shall pass

I can remember turning around one day and my Hannah baby was gone, and my to-do list was longer than there was space in my diary and most of them were crossed off Gone were the days of barely scraping through the dishes and washing This time around I have been able to keep some perspective - babyhood is such a very small fraction of a child's life, and as horrible as it feels at the time, it is also very precious and it's very sad when it's gone. Anyway, just to give you hope for the coming days and months, it does get better, babies do grow up and you find yourself wondering how time passed so quickly, and you are able to do more for yourself.

As a start, I would take a timer, and the first time your baby goes to sleep in the day, set it for 15 mins and do something for yourself, whatever will recharge you - have a quiet coffee and read something, soak in the bath, ring a friend, meditate, put on a fave movie and relax in front of it - then when the 15 mins is up go back to everything else (leave the fave movie on for company, I often prefer this to music!) It's amazing sometimes how much that 15 mins, if you focus on yourself entirely and really relax into it, can recharge you!

[Nyree]

This is one of the reasons DH suggested I have an RDO each month - just a day to go out & do whatever I want to do. I had my first one a couple of days ago & got a harcut & did some shopping. DD will be 2 in a week, so can go for a few hours without booby (but she grabbed me by the hand & sat me down on the sofa when I got home...lol).

Earlier on, when PND was a big issue, I joined a choir. It was 2-3 hours each Wednesday night the was ME time. Singing is great because it is so cathartic. Sadly, the woman running it had ongoing issues with thyroid cancer & moved interstate to be closer to specialists. My moods went downhill a bit after that. Since then, DH got a new job that finishes later than his old one, so he's never home in time for me to go to another choir.

I too feel like I'm in a bit of limbo land ATM. I'm just trying to find that thing that will calm the restless feelings. I don't know if it's work, a hobby or what. DH & I are also going to start monthly date nights so that we can chat & catch up. We used to talk for ages in bed too, but that is rare these days.

Is there something you can do for a couple of hours a week while someone looks after your DD? Of course you love your mothering role, but like any relationship, you can feel lost when you've got someone dependant on you 24/7. If you can find a bit of what makes you happy & make the time to obtain it, you will enjoy parenting even more!

[mummabare]

im going to come back to this as i think its a really important discussion but too late to think properly. hugs for now

xxx

[hanabi]

I started a gratitude journal which helped me understand my current priorities and savour the moment I am in. Yes, even at 3am!

I also found it impossible to dabble in my old pursuits - they were so time-consuming and incompatible with the stop-start momentum of parenting. So I just found activities that offered more instant gratification! Took up writing and digital photography instead of conventional photography, drawing, yoga and pottery. I have less time to do these things, but they are at least very satisfying when I *do* do them.

[mummabare]

I think it gets easier as they get bit older and it sort of clicks that "hey this really DOES go fast" .....coz I know it certainly seems that time is draggin its universal feet when you have one in your arms at 3am

Some things I have found to help me feel *happier* is to look into things I never had a chance to when I was working. For example I always had an interest in gardening, vegeables, native land rehabilitation, Ive been able to go out and get books on gardening and read while Dillon was feeding or napping, or even take the book outside when he was older and in the sandpile. The other thing is I was able to get him involved a bit, he loved planting seeds and watering, and then pulling up the carrots once they'd grown.

I guess finding an enjoyable activity that has a possibility for you both to whittle away the hours is a good one.

I really enjoy walking with my family, I get a rare chance to talk to husband in depth about things and just bounce stuff off. And also to keep things in perspective about career, I figured that my son would only really *need* me this intensively for 5 years or so, then I am mroe then able to return to goal chasing.

Funny thing is, as he gets older, I enjoy and feel so much more passionate about parenting that goal chasing is retreating further and further from my mind these days.

I find time to paint on some weekends and holidays, absolute necessity for me otherwise I go completely insane...in fact Im well overdue for a painting session lol!

But I think its completely normal and somewhat compounded by the fact that mothers dont get alot of support except from each other (what little each mother has left in her reserve she gives to others isnt she amazing ).

Hope that you are able to have your spirits lifted, wishing you warm sunshine through your window and a cool breeze on a new day.

xxx

[thew]

it's a really common feeling yk, that what am i doing, who am i and what happened to my life. tbh, i'm only just coming out of the fog where i can be totally free of my children for long periods and see that they do not suffer in anyway. i can focus on me and that's ok.

i think the things that have got me through the last 10 yrs are knowing that i wasn't alone or abnormal in my thinking. a support network of likeminded souls can be invaluable. knowing others that are awake at 3am can somehow be a little satisfying...like we are part of an exclusive club. and how lucky are we, really.

i know quite a few mums with older children, no little ones who need them in the middle of the night, no little faces that need food wiped from, no little bottoms to wipe, no-one to play silly games with...it's a real relief for some, like they have been able to claim back their lives yk, but for others it is just the beginning of a very long grieving process >(

i look back now and see that the past ten years has literally gone by in the bat of an eyelid and yet i distinctly remember those six months that ds1 did not sleep and my life was pure torture. this is the exact spot in time that i would go to if i could turn back time...prolly the worst parenting time was also my best.

anyway, i feel like i'm rambling a bit but just want you to know that you are not alone, not abnormal and like nikki says, this too will pass and you will yearn for it when it has

[mattiesmum]

Hugs to you. You're grieving for the old pre -mummy you and that is understandable. A new "you" will evolve and trust me you will have just as much fun as you ever did (even more fun actually!) As your baby gets older there will be more "me" time you haven't lost anything forever. Mothering is about surrendering to the moment. Sometimes those moments are just hard graft (like 3am with a crying baby) and sometimes they are so beautiful you could weep with joy. What you are feeling is normal , don't fight it, it will pass. In the meantime you can have lots of sympathy and empathy from all of us here.