How has mothering changed you?

[hanabi]

I am such a different (read 'better') person than I was pre-kids. We naturally all develop a much greater capacity to give of ourselves once we become mothers - and the nature of that giving changes as our kids grow.

But are you able to articulate the differences between then and now? What other aspects of your previous self are now just memories? Are there aspects of your previous self that feel lost or that you hope to rediscover once you're no longer in the trenches of motherhood?


I look forward to learning more about personal growth and self-discovery that comes with having babies and raising children.

[GreenGully]

I am definitely a more motivated person, I have real long term goals, and while they do shift about alot they are still there you know. I feel like I am refining them as I go. I am more patient of course, especially more tollerant about noise when I am trying to sleep ( I used to be a bit neurotic about anyone making noise, but once I realised I had a baby who snorted constantly for the 1st 5 weeks of life, awake and asleep, well that changed!) I recognise more often where my breaking point is when it comes to stress, because it is so blatantly obvious in how it manifests in my parenting.

[Himawari]

I think I live more in the moment...when it dawns on me that these moments will never come back again. I have a different sense of the passage of time and feel the dichotomy of time moving so painfully s.l.o.w.l.y for children (especially when master 6 is looking forward to something on the weekend) but so quickly the older we get as adults.
I'm more aware of myself, more refelctive, and perhaps more realistic and determined. There are other changes I've noticed too but it's not just being a mother it's also growing older that gives me a greater store of experience to draw on. I think that in many ways I've led quite a sheltered life and some lessons that people learnt earlier in life I'm coming to realise only now. I feel like I'm still evolving too, which is a nice idea because the thought of stagnation scares me.

[la]

oh where can i start!

i was so disfunctional before i had children, health and emotional wise. i feel terrible for the people i share housed with, the friends i mistreated, the boyfriends i smothered. but more than that i feel a sense of loss for the years i wasted (late teens early 20's) grunging around in a pit of depression and self harming behaviour.

having children, each year i feel like i am waking up a little more, to respecting my body, my mind, my spirit, the spirit of being a woman a lover a daughter a sister - wow all from the gift of being a mother. i eat so much better, i dont smoke (disclaimer - i have however discovered gin and tonic), i knit and sew, i have friends that i cherish, i learn yoga and mindfulness, i read (and re read and re read - hey one day i might get it ) about nlp stuff.

so i guess most of myself that i have let go of is for the better

oh, and i always prized myself as being a pacifist, then i had kids and wowee did i discover i had a temper something i have had to do a lot of work with and still do.

[bunty]

Isn't gin known as 'mother's ruin' La?

I am more patient, more understanding, less judgemental, definitely less selfish. Becoming a mother has made me see all the shades of grey in between black and white.

[Nyree]

I am more patient (most of the time - this morning was not one of them!) & much more "she'll be right" / laid back.

[Blossomtime]

Mmmm I've been thinking about this lots lately and am interested to see what others think too.

Let me see...
Its kind of been like turning a microscope on myself. Everything seems more raw...
I'm more aware of my body and my health. I take better care of myself, with the time I have .
I am more aware of my feelings and needs day to day. I don't always get to act on that awareness, but at least I can recognise it now!
I'm more confident in my ability to do things and care less when things don't get done.
I'm generally calmer (though I do have the odd temper flare-up when I can't control something). I can recognise when I need help more now.
I cry more easily at silly stuff and laugh more. I'm not as interested in getting somewhere, but I'm enjoying the journey to wherever we might be going...
My interests have altered and I have several things I'd like to do later on...
I'm better at planning.
I can do lots more things one-handed.
I don't talk to family and friends as often as I would like, I read less, I don't go out much, I don't have much time alone.. but it doesn't bother me.
I'm more accepting of my flaws and limitations.
Yukky stuff doesn't phase me at all

I'm changing everyday and I look forward to the changes that will come as my children grow...

[Bejamumma]

I can't even count the ways motherhood has changed me really.

I no longer worry about what i look like, eg: chuck on this or that, don't wear makeup, do hair nicely etc.

Patience hmmmm, most days i'm more patient.

But the biggest change i think has been the shift between what i want out of life for selfish old me, and now my focus is nearly 100% what do i want out of life for my child/children. Priorities have changed soooo much, and for the better too.

[Bronnie]

i'm really, REALLY tired

but emotionally, i'm much stronger. i care far more about the environment (i always did, but more so now), i care far more about my, and our, bodies and what goes into them.

[mummabare]

Im less of a control freak - didnt realise I was such until I had DS.

Csection showed me that Im not always going to get my way or what I want, and I cant control how other poeple will react in situations, I need to just concentrate on my inner core..precious lesson.

I learnt to be flexible, when something doesnt work I need to find another way to do it, there is no right or wrong and no "if I just try harder".....sometimes things just dont freakin work and I have had to pull resources and look around for my own solutions rather then just relying on someone who is designated the expert ( my lessons on having a reflux and wakey kid lol).

Ive learnt to trust my instincts, if something doesnt feel right, it probably aint right.....and no one knows my baby like me, no one knows what is best for my family except me and my family.....I learnt the value of my own opinions and throught processes, reflecting on when we are most happy reminds me of how in tune I really am to the things that count (these are my lessons on bfing and co-sleeping).

Ive learnt to take what I need from other peoples experiences and opinions and leave the rest....this lesson Im learning over and over and over...as there is never an end to opinions and experiences offered lol! I dont have to do what everyone else is doing, and just because someone is doing something different doesnt mean that they are wrong, or that I am, just that we are different. This has helped me to open up to make new friends...what a gift...thanks my boy

Ive learnt to have patience and slow down and enjoy things, having come from a really disciplined work environment (customs urgh) Ive had to learn to negotiate with a little boy who is living in the moment, no longer a harsh senior officer Ive had to find alternative behaviors....there is no strict timetable for getting things done anymore, there are no reports to write and there is no action that results in rewards or punishment anymore, this is something Im only just discovering with an older toddler and learning how to negotiate to get most of what I need to get done in a day without any threatening behavior has been the most rewarding thing ever. Ive learnt that Im a loving, patient, gentle person who is understanding and can see the funny side of things......no one who knew me pre-baby would EVER have guessed that I had a sense of humour...I think my family are still in shock that I now laugh at jokes instead of telling them to stop wasting time. I am now the BIGGEST time waster and proud of it lol!

Ive learnt how lucky I am to have dj, that when the promise of new life and love is lost, that it is a very crushing thing. That because I missed one life to share, I should value as much time as I am graced with my son, because you never know when you may part or for what reason....each and every moment I get as a mummy is worth more than gold.....its worth my life.

Ive learnt that Im an ok person, Im not perfect, Im not a bad person, Im actually really noice I can make new friends, I can enjoy my own company, Im not a looser because Im a sahm, in fact the huge confidence crush I experienced as a new mum has blossomed into a confident in my own ability to have a georgous kid stay at home mum kinda personality....and Im loving it.

Im learning all the time, my son is the best life teacher ever, pointing out obvious things to me that I miss because I have a tendency to get bogged down in details and negative emotions.....he points out the most likely things and is usually right lol! So Ive learnt to value the opinion of a 3 year old as much as an adult....and so Im looking forward very much to all that being a mum can bring me.

whooo long post, Im feeling much better today and enjoyed the reflection very much...thanks for the wonderful thread

xxx