helping 3 year old tune out

kime · #1 (**permalink**) 11-01-2007, 03:56 PM

Hi,
I'm not sure I am asking this in the right forum, but here goes....
I have a 3 year old girl who doesn't often sit and play by herself. sometimes it seems she will only tune out and not feel she has to interact with you if she in front of the tv, in the bath or when you tell her to go to her room. I take her outside as much as possible. I know that despite wanting to give her time to just tune out her really social personality and her being the first child, it never happened. Maybe I need to introduce some routine to her day where she gets makes the time for herself to tune out. Would some formal meditation or focus exercises help? What do yoiur kids do?
Thanks,
Kim

Heartwood · #2 (**permalink**) 11-01-2007, 04:51 PM

Bonnie doesn't have any day naps anymore, so I've organised "quiet time" so she (and I) can chill out for a while. I give her a cup of rice milk and she goes and lays on her bed and "reads" through a pile of books. This lasts anywhere from 5-40 minutes.

liamsmum02 · #3 (**permalink**) 11-01-2007, 04:57 PM

We found that getting rid of the TV really helped our boys to start playing independently and taking time to just do quiet things. It made such a huge difference!

We put the TV away for a year and have been cured of our addiction to it and the habit of just turning it on. When we moved a few months ago we put it back out but it only gets turned on after the boys go to bed or for Playschool during the day.

Blossomtime · #4 (**permalink**) 11-01-2007, 08:59 PM

Ohh you sound like me a few months ago. We've limited tv access too. It really helped. I've organised our days better so that we have structured playtime and time to relax. I've found that increasing the times where I encourage Audrey to come along and help out do things like washing dishes or hang the washing on the line directs her attention pretty well. She will wander off and have a look around the garden or play with the suds in the sink. If I'm busy she will help a bit and then busy herself too. We cook and paint and read together. When she asks for tv she's usually tired. I'll put her in the loungeroom with some morning tea and a childrens CD of songs/stories that she sings along with. Audrey still has rest time, although its usually just a quiet play in her room. I've been trying to get things in line with the Steiner kindy she'll be going to in Feb and it seems to be really working for us.

Before we did this, Audrey couldn't play on her own. She watched a fair amount of tv and never got up and danced or interacted the way she does with the CDs. She got grumpy lots and often said that she was "too tired" to do things. I found I had to entertain her constantly and it was exhausting. Now our days are happy and productive.

Good luck. It can be really hard working your way through this, but great when you're on the other side.

kime · #5 (**permalink**) 12-01-2007, 07:16 AM

Thank-you all for your replies. When I was writing my initial post I don't think I had noticed the difference that involving her in the house work was making her more calm. I used to only let her watch playschool, but thinking she was bored I let her watch more tv. But involving her in day to day stuff seems to be giving her the new stimulation that she needs. My daughter does seem to get more vocal when she is tired and that is tiring because it usually is repetitive dribble. We encourage a daytime rest. But the closest I have been able to give her calm time out when she needs it the most seems to be let her engage in water play.
Kim

lizlea · #6 (**permalink**) 12-01-2007, 07:19 AM

we have a toddler swing on our front verandah and when Ben (4) is tired he goes and swings himself slowly back and forth. he has even been known to nod off in there a couple of times!

kime · #7 (**permalink**) 12-01-2007, 12:12 PM

That sounds very cute Liz!

Some-one gave us a second hand swing stand the other day - maybe we should put ours up.
Kim

Xine · #8 (**permalink**) 16-01-2007, 07:10 PM

It sounds so familiar it is scary!! My DS1 was exactly the same - and I used tv because it was the only time he sat quietly and also let me get anything done or have a rest.
In the end, like many others we also ended up limiting tv access (only weekends - and I think this was harder for me than him). The first couple of days were hell. but gradually he began to play by himself more, and eventually we started a 'quiet time' in the arvo with a snack and 'lolly' (something yummy - so he had a positive association with it). We use a CD and he stays in his room until the CD is finished (then he knows when and how long). He can play or read books or lay down in this time as long as he is having 'his own space'.
We started this when he was just over 3 because all he would ever ask to do is watch TV. He is 5 1/2 now and we still have the same routine. I really think it paid off.
We also use a relaxation CD produced by ABC called Relaxation for Children. He was 5 when he started using this but it makes an incredible difference to his mood and he loves the 'imagination' side of the meditation so took to it immediately. We use this as his CD if he is having a really tired day.

Good luck....teaching your children to be comfortable in their own space and head space is a very important lesson and one they'll appreciate as they grow older - I know from my own experience!

kime · #9 (**permalink**) 20-01-2007, 06:31 PM

Thanks Christine,
I wondered if anyone had experience using relaxation techniques with kids, but maybe my daughter is still a bit young. It is going a bit better, water play, a "rest" time with music is encouraged after lunch, not interrupting her concentration (for nothing!) if she doing something and me being more clear when I'm not available for interacting - ie on phone, reading etc. It seemed that she thought that i expected her to constantly talk before. Sometimes it's almost like I've given her back the ability to just be and do for herself and not look for acknowledgement constantly. We are doing jobs around the house together and I'm trying to acknowledge that she is there more non-verbally. I hope that she will soon realise that family and friends also love her enough to give her own head space.
Thanks for letting me air this.
Kim

Echo · #10 (**permalink**) 13-05-2007, 06:47 AM

When I want Kira and Ava to calm down, chill out and relax, I'll start reading to them. They love hearing things. Being a pagan family sometimes I'll read them mythical or ledgendary stories of the God and Goddess, or Greek mythology(oh how i love my greek mythology) Or just a good fantasy novel or something. Or i'll tell them stories of their past. Baby stories, stories of when i was a kid, about their daddy, they grandparents, great grandparents, and so on and so forth.

It's great for me because I get to share things i love, memories, stories, tales, legends, and so on that I love with my daughters, but I also get to be part of them learning. It's important to me that they learn about their family history, and their faith.