Mother-In-Law..

[kare]

Im sure I have writen about this before, a long time ago.. but i need to vent and just hope that here is an okay place to do so?

When Ayla was little, if she cried I would go to pick her up and MIL would push past me and say "give her to me. I'll take her for a walk".. walk right out of my house and disappear with my babe..

as it was I felt like a failed mother because i couldnt bf and Ayla wasn't in cloth nappies yet..

we went away for a long weekend with hubbies family and i was holding Ayla.. Ayla cries because she is tired and I excuse myself, saying I'm just going to get the baby off to sleep.. MIL follows me in and as I put Ayla down for a rest, MIL picks Ayla up again and says "Shes hungry".. I say "er, no i dont think she is.. she just had a bottle of milk and MIL says 'i'll just warm up some more milk for her.. i think shes still hungry.." and walks out of the room with Ayla.

This kind of attitude non-stop whenever we see her...

So I try cloth nappies on Ayla and she says "Why are you doing this? Disposables are easy and there's no mess.. No work.." and I say "My mum did cloth and i want to also.. Its better for Ayla and its better for the environment" and she says "Not in these times. Everyone is using disposables.. Cloth is very old fashioned and you are using alot of water to wash nappies so you're doing the same amount of damage to the environment anyway"...

then.. i started crying.. everyday, all day. i wanted to leave ayla with hubbie and run away.

the doctor said i had post natal dep. and sat me down for a talk.. turns out the dr. thinks MIL is one of the big causes behind it. she asked me to steer clear of MIL and to leave the cloth nappies for the time being as she didnt want me doing too much.

even the dr says "you need to tell MIL that she has had her turn to mother.. this is your turn!"

6 months on.. and Im feeling better. Ive decided to do cloth again and lastnight I told MIL... I have my mothers full support and she is very happy i have returned to cloth with Ayla.. but MIL STILL CANNOT give me any support.

am i doing something wrong??

even lastnight at dinner Ayla was crying, so i say to hubbie, i'll put her in the highchair and give her some dried apple" (i had taken some in a bag with me for her)..

MIL jumps up and says "dont sit her in that chair when she can be cuddled by everyone here" and i said "we're going to give her some apple.. " and MIL was jumping up all night trying to wisk Ayla away..

at one stage Ayla was crying (mind you this is the first time I had seen Ayla ALL day because I finished work only an hr before dinner) and MIL says "give her to me.. i'll take her for a walk in the carpark" and i say "if anyone is going to give her cuddles right now i think it would be me.. I havent seen her all day" and she said "well after that i'll take her for a walk then"

is this a battle for the baby?

please, someone help me!

[bubbalove]

Oh wow...big hugs to you!! It does sound like your MIL is....overbearing to say the least! Good on you for standing up for yourself and Ayla, but it sounds like your MIL just isn't listening!!

I think you need to set some firm boundaries, for both your and Ayla's sake. Does your DH support you? Can you get him to speak up for you and Ayla so that it doesn't always sounds like it's just coming from you?

Good luck, I'm sure people with more expereince in areas liek this will be along soon.

[sweetchili]

hugs to you! glad to hear you are feeling better, but sad to hear your mil is being such a pain! While you are feeling better and stronger you should use it as an oportunity to put your foot down with your mother in law. Like you wrote..its YOUR turn to be a mum, remind her that and as Kerri-Ann said i would be getting dh to help back YOU up.
YOU are doing a good job!

[~*Nile*~]

Oh dear, what an interferring woman. She reminds me of Ray's mother in Everyone Loves Raymond

I would get DH to say something to her, maybe when the next interferance happens so it's a bit more casual than bringing it up out of nowhere. I really think it's his job to say something because you'll be seen as the evil DIL if you say it.

Some people are just toxic, sadly she's family so you can't ditch her

[hanabi]

No, you're not doing anything wrong! I agree with previous posters that your husband should step in and assert some boundaries. I think you're actually quite lucky to have such a ... um ... loving grandmother for your daughter, but yes, she needs to learn when it's appropriate to step in and when it isn't.

Go the cloth! I reckon it will really help you to feel better about putting your daughter in a nappy!

[gumbymumma]

oh gosh, sounds like my mother in law... has the best intentions and really wouldnt hurt a fly so you just let it go, every time until you are SO MAD you want to strangle her.

I dont think that even if hubby said anything to her, it would change anything. Its you she's taking control over, you really need to just flat out say something to contradict her one day, in a voice that cannot be argued with, and she will get the picture that she cannot go against you all the time. When she realises that you are able to care for your baby without her, and that you dont want her damn "helping" she might leave you to it.

I did this with my MIL, and she at least leaves me to look after my kids now and doesnt step in. She just questions every little thing I do, but at least my kids arent getting confused by the "no, dont listen to mummy, grandma knows best" thing that was happening before.

Good luck to you.

Oh my MIL doesn't think i am capable of raiisng my kids at all I don't think

I just ignore all the advice she so wonderfully gives especially since Dh is her youngest and he is 44.....I just smile and nod One time she was sending me to the chemist for some cream for something for the kids I can't even remember what...She described the tube and everything so I knew what to look for...... if it was still even on the market which i doubt I am sure the packaging would have changed in the last 40 years

i also avoid her as much as possible.....Dh takes the kids to see her and I stay at home......I also have learnt to not tell her alot of the things we do with the kids this cuts down on her knowing what i am doing wrong

i have no hope of ever doing anything right as i can't even look after her 44 year old baby properly

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you

[kare]

Originally Posted by lilsmum

Oh dear, what an interferring woman. She reminds me of Ray's mother in Everyone Loves Raymond

i hate to say this out loud but this is one of the reasons i couldnt bare to watch 'everyone loves raymond'... isnt that terrible? :(

[kare]

well.. this morning i dropped ayla over to MILs while i went to work for a few hours...

i didn't say anything, about what i had packed for her for lunch, didn't mention anything really. I just thanked her for having Ayla for a few hours and drove off to work.

I picked Ayla up straight up after work and I could have laughed (I really don't know how i held it in..) when MIL tells me "I had to scrape poo down the toilet today because you dropped Ayla off in a cloth nappy!"

ho hum.

"oh yes.. i told you that she is wearing cloth now. all of the time. everyday. didn't i?"

its awful i know, that i seem so evil.. but this is my time to be a mother.. and since starting Ayla back in cloth this week.. I actually FEEL more of a mama because I wash Ayla's naps.. I hang them out to dry and fold them.. bleach them in the sun.... I feel like i am doing some more mama things (apart from spending time with her of course)...

MIL will just have to live with it.

sorry about the originial post.. she just gets to me in ways people haven't bugged me before and I really needed to let it out..

[~*Nile*~]

I don't know how old your MIL is, but I'm nearly 28 and sposies were out when I was born but they were really bulky and expensive. I dare say your MIL used cloth out of necessity with her kids so I don't understand why this is such an issue to her? Surely she scraped poo into the toilet before