where to go for help?

marchmellow · #1 (**permalink**) 07-11-2008, 02:34 PM

i am struggling with my toddler and newborn. my newborn is wonderful, but my toddler (two) has been extremely difficult for the past month since our baby was born. he wont sleep, he grizzles all day and is generally very difficult and demanding. he has several bouts of screaming each day. i am really really having a hard time. i have cried every day and the past few days i am crying all day long. i really need help but do not know where to go. my family know what is going on but are too busy. my partner wont take time off work and thinks i should just relax.... any ideas of where i can go??? do we have a retreat somewhere in victoria for mums to take their children for a change of scenery?
i wish i could afford a nanny, but i cannot!

Dorasmum · #2 (**permalink**) 07-11-2008, 02:55 PM

Oh hun, wish I could suggest something, but I'm in WA. All I can really say is I know what you are going through with a demanding two yr old, and i didn't have a newborn at the same time, so you must be really going through the ringer. Just take one day at a time...Try and get bits of free time for yourself, even half an hour if your partner can watch the kid while you walk around the block or escape to your bedroom and listen to some music. It is a very hard period to get through but you will. Do you think there may be something more than just finding it hard?- maybe go have a chat to your doc, or child health nurse.

As you say it's only been a month since your bub was born, so your DS must still be adjusting to the new life with a baby in the house, he feels put out and uncertain so acts out. Can you try and give him special time with just the two of you? Ask him to help you by entertaining the baby while you change him/her?

Hope it gets better soon, I'm sure you're doing a fab job..it's a huge undertaking what you're doing

Em

**Marguerite** · #3 (**permalink**) 07-11-2008, 04:43 PM

I agree with Emma.

Also are you a part of a mothers group or do you have any friends you regularly meet with for support?

smurray · #4 (**permalink**) 10-11-2008, 09:32 AM

Oh,
I wish I could give you a hug.
Where are you located? I am in sydney but there are lots of members on here from VIc who might have ideas. In Sydney we have tresilian which is a sleep etc support place. I don't agree with some of the stuff they do, but they certainly offer support to new parents and I would not hesitate to go there if I felt the need. I am sure vic must have similar places. Can you ring your local ABA counsellor? They might have the best idea of support services in your area. They also have groups that meet.

I totally understand being overwhelmed by lack of sleep and the demands of a newborn. I didn't have to deal with a 2 yr old at the same time!

Can you just cut down on everything you are doing? Prioritise. The most important person right now is you, because without you, neither your newborn nor your 2 yr old would survive. So how can you begin to prioritise your needs? Can you list yr most important needs, like sleep, rest, nurturing, support etc etc? even writing it all down on a piece of paper can help. Even if it seems too much or like there's no way to get the needs met, its important to know what your dealign with.

I also think the reaction of your family is so typical. Women, for some strange reason, seem to keep it a secret how incredibly difficult, challenging and important it is to look after young children. The end result is that very few people truly appreciate how tough it can be. There were days when I had a newborn when I congratulated myself just for getting out of the house and going to sit in a cafe for half an hour. THat was an achievement, considering everythign that was going on. One thing I am certain is that you are doing a wonderful job even with all of the difficulty. Your kids would be lost and devastated without you.

Little bean · #5 (**permalink**) 10-11-2008, 04:13 PM

i dont have any great advice at the moment as I have a grizzly 12 week old strapped to me and a two year old tugging on my leg. Hang in there! It can be really hard.
will try to post later....

marchbean · #6 (**permalink**) 10-11-2008, 06:59 PM

how are things going?

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, just a hug!

jackie0109 · #7 (**permalink**) 01-12-2008, 01:23 PM

It is better if you budget your time for taking care of your children and during weekends you should go to a place like park or any place concerning children.