Freaking out in bed!

[Pete]

I apologise if this is in the wrong thread. Our daughter since pretty much birth has slept in her own cot and absolutely loves it. She is now 2. She sleeps in her own room and takes herself to bed. Solid sleeper, no fuss....sounds great (and it has been)....except for the last few days. We have recently moved house and all of a sudden she is absolutely distressed and refuses to go into her cot? We've moved houses a fair bit lately, and it has never ever been an issue before. She's been happy to sleep in a porta cot, her cot, anywhere, it didn't matter......until now. So we are stumped. Her behaviour indicates she is scared of something but we can't figure it out because she has never been like this before. She's never wanted us around when she's sleeping. We're not keen to bring her into our room, she never has been and we're not sure if we want to 'encourage' this routine now. Like i said, until recently she loved sleeping in her cot, in her own room. Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thx

[possum]

Without freaking you out, could she maybe sensing/seeing a "presence" in the house? kids are really sensitive to these things I know my dd is.

[Tatiana75]

My feeling and theory is the change is distressing her and she is attached to her room, not just her cot, which gives her comfort before falling asleep. The familiar surroundings have gone and so she's struggling to settle and doesn't want to go into the cot because it is now all different and unfamiliar. Perhaps the regular change of sleeping arrangements is taking its toll and she notices the different house and all the other changes that go with it that didn't appear to bother her in the past. It's hard enough for us adults to adapt to change let alone a little person who doesn't have the words to express her feelings. It's up to you whether you want to comfort her by having her cot in your room or inviting her in your bed and if you feel that's what she needs I'd run with your feelings - I realise this isn't what you want but that's a suggestion one would expect to hear in a natural parenting forum. Any pattern can always be changed gently and over time.

[emd]

I agree with Tatiana, this could have just been the result of so many moves in a short time. It could also be that she's made a developmental leap in between the last move and this one that makes this move more stressful for her. It sounds like she needs more closeness with her parents right now, and there are lots of ways for that to happen. Could you put her bed in your room for a while so you still have your own beds? Maybe use one of your worn t-shirts as a pillowcase in her own room so she has the smell of mum and dad as she falls asleep? Put a mattress on the floor next to her bed and lie down next to her for a while to help her fall asleep - when she's feeling more secure in her new room you may not need to actually lie down too.
Just some ideas. Hope she's feeling happier soon.

[Julianne]

Originally Posted by possum

Without freaking you out, could she maybe sensing/seeing a "presence" in the house? kids are really sensitive to these things I know my dd is.

I immediately thought the same thing.

[possum]

Glad i wasnt the only one Julianne ;-) thought maybe i was just a bit weird! (ok so im a lot weird)

[kadownie]

I know when ever we have change in our house the sleep routine is the first to change- I try to just go with the flow..and let the kids guide me in what they need.. if that's company - then I give it- if that's lying down with them then that's what I do, if it means that they need to be with me in our bed- then that's what happens- anything for sleep.. I will not battle with my kids in the middle of the night- when I could be sleeping. And I don't like to fight with my kids about where they are going to go to sleep- and have them go to sleep scared or upset. I know how that makes me feel and I don't want my kids feeling like that. If I don't want them in my room when I go to bed, I just move them back to their bed before I go to bed..

It does cause some issues with my DH- however I strongly believe in advocating for the emotional needs of my children= even if that means conflict with him.. He is slowly realising that the kids are happy when they're near us, and that is a good thing. I think he's also starting to reflect on his early childhood memories, and realising that some more closeness with his parents would have been a positive thing.

[kiwiang]

One way to help her feel better about her new room might be to redecorate it with her choosing the colour or theme or something like that. Give her some ownership of it and make it fun. Even if you're moving again soon you could get some fabric and drape it and make it a fairy playground (or whatever she's into).

[Robin]

Give the kid a break...it's two years old for God's sake!
It's bonded with a bed in a particular place from the day it was born and you expect it to make the transition at the snap of the fingers with no hiccups.
Put the kid in bed with you. That's where it belongs.
My ex and I had five. All home-births and they slept with us from day one until they made the trasition to their own bed. No worries.
The cognicenti might have all the answers but no-one looks at any difficulty from the view-point of the kid. Only..."Oh yes, well we're mothers we know everything!"
Try some love, empathy and compassion. Strange as it may seem in parenting it has remarkable effects.

[Oddy]

Is there any reason why she's still in a cot? Personally I'd use the opportunity to move her into a bed and buy new bedding etc for it. Make her feel grown up and special. Good luck.