Please??

Dorasmum · #1 (**permalink**) 20-09-2008, 05:19 PM

Do you have problems with teaching how to use manners? I mean that I've taught DD2 to say please, but she now screams please at me expecting to get what she asks for. Thinks it's the magic word to get whatever she wants and can't understand why I don't always give her what she asks for if she says it like I've asked her to in the past. Obviously all she says please for is not reasonable...

I can understand her frustration, I'm not sure how to approach it.

Em

learnermum · #2 (**permalink**) 20-09-2008, 06:14 PM

DS is only 15 months and is only saying a few things so not quite there yet...
but i did see a book at the library last time i was there about how to use the word please.
ie.
not to use it more than once
not to use while grabbing
not to use in a whiny voice....

Once again I'll need to get back to you with
the info on it, if i can have a look when we go to the library again this week.

emd · #3 (**permalink**) 20-09-2008, 06:45 PM

Rather than focusing on the word please, I try to encourage using "nice voice" instead of "whingey voice". Please seems to come more naturally when I can get them to speak calmly. But we still battle to get the nice voice used.

Julianne · #4 (**permalink**) 20-09-2008, 08:39 PM

Yes I've found that the kids need to learn to accept 'no' as an answer to a request even using manners... hasn't happened all the time yet.

lcorteen · #5 (**permalink**) 20-09-2008, 10:40 PM

Mine are 3 and 5 and still teaching them... I remember talking to a parent in a hospital waiting room who was there with her 15yo son and reminding him to say please when he asked for something. I said 'glad it's not just me', and she replied that even as a teenager she was still reminding him of manners. helped me get a bit of perspective about my expectations.

Don't stress - she is just learning the rules (many of which, you have to admit, do suck a bit) and you are helping her. I really find that modelling the behaviour I want is really effective - so I try (!!!!) to speak calmly and nicely even when they are not. Having said that, I think you don't have to say the same thing 1000 times - little ones are very clever and IME they hear and understand the first time, their reaction is bc they didn't like what you said, not that they didn't understand it. Ignoring any behaviour I don't want and encouraging behaviour I do want has always worked best for me, even though at times it is a bit embarrassing.

xx

hanabi · #6 (**permalink**) 21-09-2008, 08:26 AM

They learn it through modelling. It's really not something you can effectively teach. I don't insist my kids use please so long as they speak respectfully. There have been occasions when I've pointed out that I don't feel like doing something they've asked because the way they asked didn't make me feel nice. Can they think of a way to ask me softly and gently and using special words that will make me feel generously towards them?