Advice-Ds and Dp Clashing!!! LONG

[kimbishy]

Hi
Ds is 3 and Dp who is not his bio-father are not getting on. Dp has been in his life since he was 10 months old and we have lived together for nearly the last 2 years. Ds is so attached to me though, that this morning for example-He woke up and called out for me to open his door, Dp got up and did it (he does this sometimes-nothing unusual) and Ds cried NOOOOO NOT YOU!!!! I want MUMMY!

I was lieing in bed and heard and it must of felt horrible for DP.

Now Dp is quite upset about it and Ds always wants me. I reasure Dp as when Ds and Dp play Ds LOVES it and I know that he loves Dp but soemtimes he is just so OTT with wanting me. DS and Dp basically get no time alone with out me and i think Ds might play on that a bit as he knows he can alway have me...
What should we do-Dp is getting really upset so amI. Ds seems to be REALLY Moody lately too which doesn't help.

Dp is involved in his every day activities ie, bed, bath and dinner time. Most nights DP reads to DS too. Dp is a really gentle, loving person and we have a wonderful relationship.

Is DS just going through a phase or could he be jealous ?
(not that i thought little kids knew that emotion too well)

I have suggested that they do some activites with out me but DP is not to excited about that as he said that all DS does is complain and want me!!! I told DP that he is the adult and needs to do things to improve the situation but it's pretty rough. Any ideas

[sweetchili]

honestly i dont really know, but i would think its a phase he is going through.

i was talking to work collegue of Dh's last and he was saying his daughter is absolutely crazy about him, but his son is more into mum. Although it would be a huge generalisation..maybe some boys(children) are just into mum's(one parent) more.

i have had similar things happen in child care where a child will attatch themselves to one carer and then it has to be that carer that does everything for them.

[starbuckozzie]

This is what happens with us (the "not you" business). However, DH is the biological father of both children. They go through stages of wanting only me and then wanting only him. Something to do with DH's travelling I think, or how much they have seen me when he gets back (I usually go on a rampage and get as much time to myself as I can).

I don't let it worry me and it doesn't appear to worry DH either. It's just nice to know that we are wanted (if not all the time) and that the other half is loved as well. I don't want anybody right there all the time, so why should I expect this of my kids? (At least, once they are out of the baby stage.)

We just go with the flow (i.e. whoever is most wanted at the time) and try and keep it all positive. Sometimes Mr. or Ms. Popular has to go somewhere and the other half does something special with the kids and explains that they will be back as soon as they can. It seems to be working so far....

Is there anything that your DS absolutely loves to do? Could your DP offer him this as a special treat for the two of them? It could be made to sound really special; "Mummy has to go and do X and she doesn't want to be away from us but has to so let's do Y to make the time go fast until she comes back." Make sure your DP makes it clear that they will both be missing you.

[kristamumof3]

I think that it is absolutely just a phase as both my boys did this and so have my nephews. They all started with Mum being the favourite then moving to Dad. I don't think it has anything to do with them not being blood related. You just need to ensure that your DP doesn't, in anyway, take this personally, as you shouldn't when the tables are turned.

I would definately encourage more time with the two of them alone but they need to do things that are special between just them. Special boys things. I find that if I leave my DH alone with any of the children even for 2 hours then they have formed an even stronger bond when I return. It's really special. I think I just need to get out of the way so that they can have their special time alone.

I also think that 3 years is the most difficult age of all. They try to impose their will on every little thing ie exact level of water in a cup. Just keep your sense of humour and remind yourself that "this too shall pass".

[kadownie]

this situation happens all the time here.. and DH is the bio-father- they never want dad in the middle of the night- and will yell and scream if he goes into comfort them.. nice! both boy and girl. They seem to be ok if they come into us and he puts them back to bed (if we bother to get up..)

I do hope it will pass as it does get tiring being the only one that will do

[~*WindofGrace*~]

My little boy is the same way. it's "mum mum mum" 98% of the time. I woke him up the other night because I had to go to the toilet and he bawled while Dh held him. As soon as I came back and he heard me he rolled back into the middle of the bed and went to sleep.

I think it's just a matter of growing up..lol. It sucks to hear that it effects your DP like that though. I know sometimes it hurts DHs feelings...even though he understand it's just a phase. Hopefully it will even out soon for you.

[~Luna~]

My daughter was like this with her biological father. It is a phase some children just go through.
My 3 year old son isn't doing it and is treated the same way that his sister was.

It must be absolutly heartbreaking for any parent to deal with and even harder for a non biological parent who would naturaly have concerns anyway.

[Nyree]

Yep - sounds like our 3yo, too!

[Hailstorm]

Yeah it's just a phase, a very hard one but a phase, it too shall pass hun in a few months time it'll prolly be the other way around, your DP sounds like a truly wonderful man

[Marguerite]

another one here. Both of my children at one time or another have done this to DH, their bio Dad.