Children at weddings?

[Jakaluma]

GOING to weddings gave me some of my happiest childhood memories: putting on my prettiest party dress and my favourite silver shoes; seeing my older brother look uncomfortable in his suit and tie; sitting at the kiddie table, knowing that as long as we were quiet, we didn't have to use our best manners. And the dancing - how I loved the dancing.
Now that I have my own children, I find that times have changed. Most weddings are "no children" affairs. What is a wedding without children? Why should they be excluded from such an important family celebration? Are flower-girls and page-boys being phased out? This is often the only chance that they get to catch up with all the extended family as we are scattered around Australia now.
The last time the children were included at such a gathering was at my cousin's funeral, which was hardly a festive occasion - but at least it lightened the mood a little, having some small people to laugh and smile and enjoy the socialising while the rest of us were struggling through our tears.
The rationale behind not inviting the children to weddings is that it is "too expensive". How much do children eat? Just serve them a plate of vegetables and they are guaranteed to eat nothing, or order in happy meals and it will cost $4 a head.
The real reason goes much deeper. Children are gradually being excluded from our family lives. The important role that they play in our community is being forgotten. Children are our next generation. They are the reason that we need to stay optimistic, fall in love, move on from the sad times in life and keep on living. Unfortunately they are also noisy, messy, naughty and unpredictable.
Whinge as I do to my husband about this recent trend, I feel that I have no right to complain to the bride and groom. After all, one of the reasons that my husband and I eloped was that we didn't want to deal with criticism from the likes of me about who we did and didn't invite to our wedding.
I don't go to these child-free weddings. My official excuse is that all my potential babysitters are attending the wedding. But the real reason is that if the bride and groom don't want my children included in their celebrations then they obviously don't share my family values - and frankly I don't really want to be included either. Harrumph!

Much ado about children and 'I do' - Opinion - smh.com.au

[tamarab30]

I have been to both - weddings with my children and weddings without my children. I have enjoyed both immensely. Sometimes not having my children invited to a wedding gives me a perfect excuse to let my hair down and enjoy some child free time (this is probably the only real chance I get). Mind you I've only been to two weddings in he last four years.
What really did annoy me once though was a sister-in-law who had her wedding on Easter day and did not invite children. Why would I not want to spend Easter day with my children and WHO did she expect to look after them on that day?
Sam had only just turned one at the time and was very, very sick - on a breathing monitor etc and I wouldn't have had ANYONE look after him at that time (regardless of what day of the week it was).
My ex at the time asked her if we could bring him, and she said no, it would get everyone asking if they could bring theirs. WTF?!? Everyone who went to the wedding knew the problems he had, so I'm sure would've been more understanding than she was!
Anyway, my ex-partner went (we were still together at the time) as it was his sister but the children and I stayed home and had a great time!
Weddings always seem to create dramas - I don't get it. I would want EVERYONE I KNOW at mine, especially all my families and friends children.

[emd]

Tamara, that sounds horrid! Bad enough that your little one was so sick at Easter, but to have that added stress... ugh!

We invited everyone's kids to our wedding, we all had a great time. A five year old ate too many lollies (serves me right for using big bowls of lollies as table decorations) and up-chucked, but it got cleaned up and he went on to have a great night. I do love to see pre-schoolers dance, they have such fun!

I once refused to go to a wedding where my (two month old, breastfed, bottle-refusing) baby was not allowed. But then I've also gone to weddings and booked a babysitter for the toddlers, so I could stay out later than their bedtime. And I went to a wedding with a three month old baby without even asking if it was OK - the invite didn't include children, but it was an out-of-town wedding and I couldn't get babysitters so I thought best to just bring him (and he was very welcome by the bride and groom).

[sweetchili]

I REALLY wanted children at my wedding, we couldn't have children at the reception though, not because of money, but because of space. WE TRIED every table arrangement we could think of to try and fit all the children in, we had about 15 children to fit in(we come from large families!) it just wasnt possible to fit them all in the room. and i felt putting them in the side room on their own would be worse. by the time we where trying to fit peopl ein it was too late to change the location.

so we had a big afternoon tea after the church reception, with two special little tables at child height with all pink and white little treats for the children. i also ended up inviting all the children from my child care group too, so it really was a lovely afternoon. if i recall correctly I also rang up each family with children individually to explain why we couldn't have children at the reception, and that i was very sorry.
most families where ok, and only two families then only came to the church and afternoon tea, the rest organised babysitting after the afternoon tea so they could attend the reception.

Children are gradually being excluded from our family lives. The important role that they play in our community is being forgotten. Children are our next generation. They are the reason that we need to stay optimistic, fall in love, move on from the sad times in life and keep on living.

i agree that children are being pushed out of the family life in many cases, and have dropped down in society's priority list. this has happened throughout history on and off though.
Family life wise i have found, especially with those who dont have children, there is a bit of a 'children should be seen but not heard' mentality. my mil (although she has a few toys now) was really strugling having 'baby' and children's things around her house again(like children's things are messy or something?!?!? )...like a high chair and some toys for the kids to play with.
i still get invited to lots of events/parties that are 'child free'.
off topic, but i was actually shocked when i found out my ALL GIRL high school 10 year reunion is children AND PARTNER free...what the?????( i think it must ahve been organised by the single women!!!)

But commercially children have become big business, it seems to me that toy and food companies especially, not to mention some child care centres, and playgym/kindergym, party places, etc are making a fortune out of 'pretending' to put children first!

[kristamumof3]

We just got married in January and had a really small wedding We had our own 3 kids, and nieces and nephews which mean't there were 10 kids and there were only 22 adults invited. We had to ask our friends not to bring their kids because there would have more children than adults (we seem to be breeders). Not having my friends kids there as well made me sad because I am very close to them all but it just wouldn't have worked. We hired two babysitters for the 10 kids that were there and the venue opened up another function room for them to all play in free of charge. They had an awesome time and so did the adults.

[MindfulMama]

We deliberately had an afternoon wedding / evening reception so people could bring their children to the celebration as we wanted everyone to feel welcome to either bring their little ones or not, depending on their preference. It was lovely - the children blew bubbles, played with rose petals around the place, and had heaps of fun exploring the gardens. Here are some of my favourite photos of little ones playing - how special that they could share the day with each other (and us).

[keti]

aaaww lovely photos! For me it's just not a wedding without little kids, bored teenagers and crying babies. And really thats what its all about

We had a small wedding, but the thought of not inviting the kids never entered our minds. I have never been to a wedding without chilren actually.

[theycallmemum]

I think if it was my own wedding I would love my kids to be there, but ensure there was a good sitter for them. Other weddings would depend how formal they were.

[Dechen]

I've been to a lot of weddings as a hired musician and I've never been to one that doesn't at least have a few children. They seem to bring a real liveliness to the occasion that is really special. We once had a whole little group sitting at our feet as we played - a rapt audience! Lol.

[Jayde]

Our wedding was a lunch time one for the kids!!!