Working from home with 3yr old???

kimbishy · #1 (**permalink**) 04-08-2008, 07:25 PM

Hi Ladies
I am having some major balancing issues with work and being a mum. I do the book work/anything i get asked to do for my DP business.
I started to do it to help and get some extra cash but now it seems to of taken over my days!!!!
I just want to play and hang out with DS but i am finding that i am increasingly getting easily frustrated with him because i am always trying to do a million things!
I struggle because i know that a lot of mums can work from home and i feel like i'm letting my DP down if i quit but i feel like i'm letting DS down if I don't....
Any advice??

**Marguerite** · #2 (**permalink**) 04-08-2008, 10:06 PM

It sounds like you really feel torn between helping your partner and being a Mum. I do not have paid employment so can't give you any insight, but is there a way you can cut back for now while you find a balance that suits you and your family? It surely is not worth it to your partner if both you and DS are upset and frustrated.

emd · #3 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 12:07 AM

I'll let you in on something: all those WAHM's who look like they're supermum are faking at something.
It's not possible to work productively, raise children, keep a clean house, eat healthy and exercise and get enough sleep.

I'm a WAHM, but I do the work when the older girls are out (pre-school or childcare) and the baby is napping. Or I do it when they're sleeping and DH gets ignored. When kids are awake in the house, I cannot get work done and it's frustrating to try. This means I have to limit the amount of work I can do, but if I took on more work then I wouldn't be happy with the effect on my parenting role. I also have a messy house, don't exercise, and don't get enough sleep.

It's not a balance, it's a choice. When you're working, you can't be responsible for children. When you're with your children, you can't be expected to work at the same time.

alzarex · #4 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 03:56 AM

i have been a WAHM since DS (5 next week!) was 5 mo. And to be honest it has sucked. I work for a large company and there are deadlines i've had to meet on a regular basis, liaison with people in different time zones and a lot of feeling cut off from the team (they're east, i'm west)
whenever i know there is work looming I get stressed, at DH for not being home exactly on time so I can get 'everything I need to do done before i start work', at the kids for not napping at the same time/at all, for wanting me to play with them when I "just have to finish this one thing" and at work people for failing to send all the data thru when I have managed to clear the kids/house for enough time to get work done
my friends know when i've got work on cos I am stressed and it is a constant thorn in my side
push back on the work if you can, or get DP to take DS out for a certain period say one weekend day (if this is viable) that is then dedicated to work time for you, so you don't have a small person in the house wishing you were available
hugs

kimbishy · #5 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 09:02 PM

Quote:

It's not a balance, it's a choice. When you're working, you can't be responsible for children. When you're with your children, you can't be expected to work at the same time

That is exactely how i feel. i think i will be cutting on work. Today i specifically did no work during DS awake time and we had a wonderful-stress free- day!!!
thanks

Marmee · #6 (**permalink**) 05-08-2008, 09:55 PM

Glad your day was stress-free.

I am entering the paid work-from-home force next week....but my job is so unique, I am very lucky.

It's 1 day a week, do it as you can...so half hour here, hour there......however I can fit it in around family. I plan on doing most either during the day if my two children can synchronise naps (most days this seems to happen), of evenings when DH's shows are on TV that I'm not interested in, and on weekends when DH can take the children for a walk/ride to our local park for an hour or two.

That's my vision, anyway.....

Is there anyway you can come to a similar arrangement? Guess it would depend upon how many hours of work you need to do.....

theycallmemum · #7 (**permalink**) 09-08-2008, 11:58 PM

I do freelance writing during the day and work in the evening. I lose a lot of sleep to fit in everything I have to do with the tasks I need to do. You may need to allocate time to work and time to spend with yoyur 3 year old.

**Susan** · #8 (**permalink**) 11-08-2008, 01:55 PM

Great advice! I too have struggled with this juggle over the years and second emd's comments

Quote:

It's not a balance, it's a choice. When you're working, you can't be responsible for children. When you're with your children, you can't be expected to work at the same time

Having this mindset also takes the stress out of even trying to do it all. I don't and have settled for prioritising and being satisfied with that. Having a flexible attitude to my work really helps and at the end of the day what needs to be done seems to get done.

I came across this book / resource called STOP Mumpreneur Maddness - Five Steps to Finding the Time for Everything by Rochelle Dent. It has some great strategies and exercises to help Mums with their own businesses. Maybe there is something in there for you?

emd · #9 (**permalink**) 11-08-2008, 09:14 PM

Sounds like a good book Susan. What are some of the good tips you've got out of it?

**Susan** · #10 (**permalink**) 12-08-2008, 11:14 AM

I like that this book is written specifically for women who run their own business and who are mothers. It is written by a woman with first hand experience also. So it really acknowledges the myriad and diversity of demands on mothers time. It also acknowledges the value in having a creative outlet in a mothers life and wanting women to have this along with ease, enjoyment and simplicity.

The book is personalised to you in the sense that you can work through each module at your own pace. You can pick the most important or work straight through. It is actually a work book that allows you to look at what you are currently doing, replan and prioritise.

For me, it allowed me to identify things that I was doing that made me less efficient. So time management, procrastinating. I also was able to identify what I most valued and prioritised those things. I find taking the time to write things down really helpful as it consolidates it for me and also give me a further reference or plan. This workbook is as much an exercise in personal development as a plan. How far you go it up to you. You can contine through it to develop goals and stragies and weekly plans. It just depends how you work best.

For me it gave me the space to sit down and work out what I really wanted and then plan how I could achieve it. Mind you this was not without some pain! There was also a clear process of letting go and trusting. Which now in hindsight I am so glad of. I think we need to be willing to let go and change what is not working for us in order to let new possibilities emerge.

Anyway, hope that gives some ideas and possibilities. Now I need to get into my work!!! Forums.... they are such a "time waster"!!