Have you always been a "natural" parent?

[Marmee]

Or is it something that has evolved / is still evolving? Maybe you don't consider yourself a "natural" parent? Maybe you are just beginning the journey?

[Dorasmum]

Hmm I guess it's still evolving, I've always had the natural parent style, because it's what my mother did so it felt right. BUT I have never felt like actually being a mum came naturally to me. Does that make sense? I think it's been different with each child. It felt more comfortable with DD1 but the same practices have been much harder with DD2 so I've had to examine more closely and research more to make it just work with this bub. I've had more doubts too, over whether another way would have been better. Not that I would even know how to do it another way. Instinct has played a big role it it for me and even the slightest variation from what my instincts are telling me always ends in tears.

Em

[Marmee]

For me, I am still evolving, for sure

Part of it began a few years before pregnancy when I was introduced to natural medicine and good nutrition. This would give me the tools to help care for my family in the most natural way possible in the years to come.

Then I fell pregnant with DS (now 7.5 years old) and I guess I just assumed that I would do what everyone else around me was doing.....I would even "give breastfeeding a go" and if it "didn't work" for me, I would have friends to call on to find out which formula I would need.

I read a few books. The sort that are no longer on my shelves. Prescriptive. Routined.

I went to antenatal classes and heard all about the drugs. Heard other pregnant mums saying that they are not going to be a hero, that they are going to enjoy the birth and not be in pain for the event. I was a little confused, but guessed that I wouldn't be a hero either.

Bubba was born beautifully. I wasn't a hero, but I wasn't drugged, either. I was a mum. A mum who gave birth. Baby fed at my breast well, however at around 4 weeks I developed mastitis and I was put in touch with my local ABA group.

I guess ABA was the start of my "natural parenting" journey. I was shocked at first by some of the things being thrown around, esp after having read my books! Co-sleeping Feeding a baby until they could walk and talk Cloth nappies A baby not sleeping through the night by 3 months

It didn't take me long to realise that all of these things sat right with me and I thank ABA for "allowing" me to listen to my intuition, to follow my heart and to begin the journey of natural parenting.

Then, I found these forums, which have taken me many steps forward and continue to inspire me. There are always "new" ideas popping up, "new" things for me to explore, to think on and to ask questions about. I am forever grateful for finding the people, the inspiration and the support that I have here.

I will continue to grow......

[Marmee]

Posting at the same time

Originally Posted by Dorasmum

....and even the slightest variation from what my instincts are telling me always ends in tears.

Oh, doesn't it always So true!

[Dorasmum]

I guess ABA was the start of my "natural parenting" journey. I was shocked at first by some of the things being thrown around, esp after having read my books! Co-sleeping Feeding a baby until they could walk and talk Cloth nappies A baby not sleeping through the night by 3 months

It's funny isn't it how your previous exposure with a certan style does predispose your entire attitude towards parenting.
Just the way you put those in when you found out about the natural way, I feel the same way when I read about some of the more mainstream ways, simply because I had always been exposed to co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding etc.

My mum fed 4 kids till 3, used a maytie, co-slept till 3 or 4 (or until Dad put his foot down) cloth nappied 100%. She was a breastfeeding counsellor in the 80's, her sister was the first ABA counsellor in the southwest in the 70's. So it's in my blood. Maybe that is why I've had to examine again this time round some of the ways I've done things, because I just did what Mum did. Hmm I thnk I've been down this road on another thread...

It's very interesting to sit and examine your thoughts on this stuff..thanks marmee

Em

[Marmee]

Originally Posted by Dorasmum

... So it's in my blood.

Your blood is worth bottling, Em

The exposure that I had to all things parenting is very different to yours, Em. I guess that's why my initial at the ABA meetings. But, as I said, something inside me was calling out "this is what you need....this is what you want.....it's "new" to you, but you can do it"

It was so refreshing to "let go" of some of the beliefs and practices that I had "inherited" from others....and just be me.

[Marguerite]

What an interesting topic. My family experience is a lot like yours Em, but my mother had long gone by the time I had my DD so there was quite a bit of influence from my friends. I was all set and ready to birth with a midwife at the local public hospital, but several friends suggested an ob who I ended up using as my CP. All I can say is I am glad it was him the suggested because I found him to be really good and for a surgeon very in touch with the normal way to birth.

During my pregnancy I read books from the UK which seemed to have a much more natural approach to pregnancy than the US ones plus Up The Duff (long since given away). I also received weekly emails from a well known pregnancy / parenting site.

When DD1 was born I was defintely into attachment parenting and the things Dr Sears talks about but still had a big box of plastic toys and exposed my poor darling to TV along with other not so natural practices. Plus I was a good girl mamma.

I found NP when she was 9 months and this was the first online community I was a part of. I have learned so much from being here, from the books that have been talked about, articles shared but most importantly hearing how everyone lives their lives. I think it is most definetly an ongoing thing especially as children grow.

[emd]

I had all the right intentions. After many years living the single professional life, DH and I decided to have babies together. I wanted a normal birth (although with drugs, I was terrified of the pain after hearing lots of horror stories from friends), cloth nappying, breastfeeding, not buying lots of junk for my kids. And a big family - 4-6 babies probably!

Then I had a difficult pregnancy, CS birth, and weaned to formula at 7 months due to breastfeeding difficulties that I couldn't overcome. I lacked confidence, and I wasn't listening to my instincts.

But I had good people around me. Most of my mother's group were breastfeeding beyond 12 months. Some of them used cloth nappies. One had a sling (Baba Sling, I think). Some were co-sleeping. The MCHN who facilitated our mother's group for the first 6 weeks also recommended co-sleeping to overcome breastfeeding or sleep issues. Even family were great - MIL kept trying to help me find a sling that suited (she's a mei tai user), DH chose to work part time so I could return to full time work, and my own mum said it was normal to not leave a baby to cry it out.

I came here looking for health advice when my first baby was a few months old. I was sick of the advice on "dopeyourkids.com" so thought I'd give "breastfeedordie.com" a try instead Now, I use cloth nappies, breastfeed successfully (sometimes with help from ABA or the odd formula bottle), have an extensive sling stash, I've learned to listen to my instincts, and have learned a lot about normal birth (despite 3 CS births).

Still got a lot more to learn though!

[SKB]

It's taken me awhile to reply to this thread, as I am still trying to work through many issues I have with my past parenting choices.

Amelia is now 7 & I still have bonding issues with her. I was 24 when she was born, & thought being a *mummy* would just happen. I had a natural, but long!!!! birth, that ended with me holding this amazing creature that I had no idea what to do with. The first few days were easy, she fed well & slept heaps, Anthony & I sat there one afternoon after she had fed for ages & had been asleep for hours, & commented how easy this was.

Needless to say that didn't last. My mother had formula fed myself & my sisters, so, although supportive of breastfeeding, wasn't much help. So when Amelia started pulling on & off during a feed, we were both stuck for an answer. I saw the lactaction consultant at the local midwife clinic, who wasn't much help. So at five months old, with a screaming baby & no milk left, I started formula feeding.

Amelia stopped sleeping. Her bassinet was in our room, but when I mentioned co-sleeping to people I knew they all told me not to *make a rod for my own back*. So at 3 months old I was advised to move her out of our room, & allow her to *cry it out*. So we spent many nights with Amelia on one side of the door crying, & me on the other side crying, & Anthony pacing the hallway, not knowing how to help us. So after years of her screaming herself to sleep both day & night, at 2.5 Amelia finally started going to sleep easier & sleeping through the night.

I always felt I wanted to homeschool, but Amelia was a very insecure child (I wonder why!?!) so yet again I gave into the general consensus, & she started kinder at 3. After 6 months of tears & distress from both of us, I pulled her out. But apperently she still needed socialising, so I sent her to Montessori. Which was a better environment, but she still wasn't ready to seperated from me. So a year of distress later, we kept her home for a year. But then the comments started again. So we found a small public school, & off she went. Again after 6 months of tears & tantrums everyday, with Amelia becoming more & more aggressive to all of us, we pulled Amelia out.

For the past year, I have been trying to undo all the damage I have done. Amelia has little trust or faith in me, I have none in myself. I can envision the mother I can & will become, but still doubt my decisions often. I have done things differently with the boys. Although they were both formula fed, they have co-slept, been worn in slings, & had a far more gentle approach. So I have 2 secure happy boys, & an amazing daughter, who is teaching me something new everyday.

So no I haven't always been a natural parent, but with this forum, & all the wonderful advice & resources that come with it, I live in hope that I can become the mummy I've always wanted to be, just didn't know how.

Sorry for such a long post, but it has actually felt wonderful to put that all down. I have started to realise that I can't just ignore the past & start again today. I need to acknowledge what has happened, & work forward from there.

Thanks
Sarah.

[Marmee]

Sarah, thank you for sharing the very difficult journey that you have already been on, and for sharing with us the journey that you envisage for the future It sounds to me that you did the very best for Amelia that you *could at the time* based on the support, knowledge and resources that you had. No-one can ask for more.

Originally Posted by SKB

So I have 2 secure happy boys, & an amazing daughter, who is teaching me something new everyday.

That is just beautiful. She sounds like a wonderful daughter.

Originally Posted by SKB

I need to acknowledge what has happened, & work forward from there.

Your children are going to thank you for it You can't undo the past...but you can help create / guide the future.

Much love to you as you continue the journey