Pre-schooler struggling socially

[kime]

Hi everyone,
DD1 seems to be struggling to fit at times at kindergaten. when they are standing in a group, no-one readily lets her stand with them. She will not join any small group activities and spends the bulk of her day doing things on her own or with just one other person (this person varies).
She is an attached child and we have moved around a fair bit so that she has not been able to maintain any friendships. She seems worried about the physicality of the boys at times and the nasty comments some of the kids make. (such as your not my friend). She will happily talk to any adult for ages.
I do not know what to do. She is mostly a very happy child and will just smile at most people assuming they would like to be her friend. She seems unaware of that some kids would rather not play with her or a bigger play scenario happening in the room. She seems to just not observe things like she is in her world.
I do not know what to do. (Excuse the strange language - I can not get my apostrophe to work!)

Kim

[Marmee]

Have you had a chance to speak with the carers? What have they observed and what are they doing to help your little girl?

Have you been at this kindergarten for a while, or is it a fairly recent move? Sometimes, just allowing for time can help.

Some children are quieter than others and *do* prefer their own company. Does it upset her to be not joining in / asked to join in?

Sorry - so many questions....but I guess I am just trying to understand what may be happening for your little girl.

[emd]

Talking to the pre-school teachers is a really good idea. They'll be able to tell you whether she's going through a normal adjustment period, or whether there is anything you can do to help her. And if she's happy with things how they are, I don't think you need to worry too much about it. Maybe she's just getting to know her environment and the adults there before she takes on getting to know the other kids? Or perhaps she's just a naturally more introspective individual?

[Jakaluma]

It would also be very different if she is happy to be mostly alone/1-1. Not all children (well, all people, really) thrive on having lots of friends or being part of a group, and it is perfectly healthy and normal for them to do their own thing. Sometimes it's hard to watch as a parent, especially if you're more 'social', but remember happy with how things are for one person will be different for another.

However, if she is alone but wants to be part of a group, that's when I'd do something.

How about a play outside of kindergarten? Either at a park, or invite another child over. It would probably take a good few plays to cement a friendship, but individual plays can often find common interests.

[kime]

Thanks for your replies. I guess I should probably relax and allow her to find her own way in this. But sometimes I feel she doesn't seem to be aware of certain things happening around her or to read the body language easily of other kids. DH prefers his own company and therefore we don't have a lot of social contacts except for family. I'm wondering if that combined with all the moving and me not putting her into childcare or some other situation where she would have had to learn these skills more quickly is contributing.
I've taken to explaining some of the things I see happening around her kinder and getting her to think about them, but it doesn't change the way she interacts with other kids.
Do you think she is just introspective and waits until she is very comfy in a situation before she does something or do you think that she is too immersed in her own world out of fear or worry?
How can you tell?
I probably should invite a friend from kinder but she is almost too clingy partly due to a friend she had last year who clung to her but maybe just wanting to feel safe and most kids back away from that. I guess she will learn that in time too.

[theycallmemum]

Hi kime,

Some kids do prefer to play alone and if she's only just started, she may not have had the opportunity to bond with any kids yet. Does your preschool have any social or fundraising activities where all the kids and parents socialise? You may want to befriend a couple of mums and and go for a coffee at a local playcentre.

I'm sure her teacher would have observed any abnormal behaviour but if not, address your concerns with them as they'll be able to encourage more social interaction.

[kime]

Thanks for your suggestions theycallmemum,
I've come to realise that my DD1 isn't paying any attention to non-verbal cues in interactions and I am working with her on that and I am trying to get her to more things to practice her social skills in general. She needs encouragement to actually look at people and their eyes, she gets very involved in her own thoughts etc and doesn't pay much attention some times.
I think I will see if anyone at kinder is interested in a play centre get together.

[JannyMom2]

I think sometimes kids just have to learn social skills and if she moved around alot she might just need practice. Hard for me to say as Kyle is only 3, but it sounds like you're doing all the right things. A good book for me on child personality was Nurture by Nature by Paul Teiger

J