The face of a mother

[Dorasmum]

I was watching part of that Oprah anniversary set yesterday (yeah bag me out for that one later..) and there was a bit about someone asking what does your child see on your face when they walk into a room? Sure you are saying, "oh we're running late, hurry up" or "that jumper is dirty, you need to change it", "eat your dinner, it's getting cold" and the like. You're motivation is that you're caring for them in the best way you can, trying to keep them clean, fed and looked after. But what do they see when all this is happening? An irritated, harried, annoyed face? Distracted, tired, sad even angry face? even just a bored everyday face. How many times does your face light up when they walk into the room? This is what they remember and look for.

This struck a chord in me, because it's exactly what i am like at the moment and I know they feel it because they walk into the room and are instantly out to put me off side because they are used to thinking I don't want to see them. They don't understand that it's my roundabout (if misguided) way of caring for them. I forget that I love them so much I would die for them, that I would give up my soul for them- so why don't I show them in my face?

So my new resolution is to smile when they walk past into the room, pat them on the head as they walk past, wave at them when I see them through the window. Show on my face that they are the most precious things in my world even when the everyday distractions, panics and problems crop up like usual. Not just when things are going smoothly and I'm calm and relaxed.

Think about it.

Em

[jezza]

This is so true. I find it very easy to get caught up in what's happening next - rushing out the door to a soccer game, getting another load of laundry on the line, getting dinner started - to be attentive to what is happening in the moment. Lately I have had the feeling of being on a treadmill, with no time to stop and reflect. That is a definite sign for me that I do need to slow down and think about things like this - what do my kids see when they ask for my attention?

Thanks for posting this.

J

[Jasper]

Yeah I get caught in this too, I make a point of being all excited and happy and have morning hugs with them each as soon as they are up in the morning. We also have cuddles before bed time, and we spontaneously throughout the day just say "Elora" "What?" "I love you" type convos.
I definatly have a harried and angry face on a lot though and I really hate myself for it. SO often I get caught in the hurry up mode and the leave me alone for just a minute mode. Its all coz Im so tired all the time, but its not right or fair on the girls at all. Makes me feel like they will remember me as a moody grumpy ol cow.

[sweetchili]

Nice reminder....but in a different way for me.

Because CJ is currently an only child and outside of CJ i don't focus on much else and i am a natural smiler i think Cj gets a lot of smiles...when CJ wakes up i always lie with him for a bit while he wakes properly and smile and chat to him. And when i get him out of his car seat i always give him a smile then a big hug when i pick him up.....(but i can totally see how a hectic life could keep you in the zone of not smiling all the time.)

BUT..i have been noticing lately that i don't LAUGH and TALK with CJ much. I think because CJ doesn't laugh or really respond much to me talking i have stopped making an effort....some days i find i have bathed and dressed him without hardly saying a word. BUt like smiling it is something that we really all should make a big effort to do for our children everyday.

[Marguerite]

Yesterday I was so guilty of this. We had been away for the weekend and I was trying to catch up on the housework and washing. I was so impatient with the girls for just being children.

Thanks for posting this Em. Always good to have a reminder.

[Dorasmum]

Em

[Greenmama2AJ]

I really agree with this sentiment!

I'm a highschool teacher and I always make sure I'm smiling when I go to class. It makes a huge difference!

I find you have to make it a conscious process though. You know, some days I have to take a huge breath before I put on that cheesy grin. Its about not expecting it to naturally happen. I say this because DH and I have talked about this very subject and he'll say things like "I cant smile" "I'm just not happy". However, he makes a big effort to smile now - and even when its forced to the limits our DS always smiles and giggles in return. It really works!

[Ruth]

I find when I fake a smile on those days when I really don't feel like it, it changes my whole energy and I remember what I am doing all the hard yards for - then the smile becomes genuine.

[theycallmemum]

I have always been really conscious of how my children see me when I look at the. Before my first was born I remember watching something (was probably same show as they're repeated so often lol) about how we look to our kids. I think it had another woman talking about how she gets down to her kids level when talking to them as well.

[Jakaluma]

I find that too Ruth - forcing a smile often results in a genuine smile and a lift of mood.