Behaviour Help for Mummy not DS!!!

kimbishy · #1 (**permalink**) 17-10-2008, 09:32 PM

Hi There
I have been noticing lately that DS is starting to get more ...frustrated and angry he is 3.5 years old.!
I have been talking to friends and family about best ways to deal witht this.... then i looked at myself and realised that he is mirroring me!!!
I find that I am getting more impatient with Ds and i then get frustrated with myself then get frustrated with him IYKWIM!!!
DS really is a treasure and is well behaved besides the usual growths and learning stages.
What techniques do you use in the heat of the moment to remain calm??
I practise yoga and deep breathing but i just want to do better.....
any ideas.
Before DS was born i was the calmest person and i don't know where it went....

~Luna~ · #2 (**permalink**) 17-10-2008, 09:54 PM

It's a toughie.
I guess the best trick would be to learn the warning signs before you get to the point where you regret your actions.
What do you feel physically before the frustration builds to anger?
Do you get butterflies in your stomach or grit your teeth etc?
Once you recognise the early signs then you can work on prevention rather than trying to use tecniques when you are already angry.

As far as tecniques go, what works varies from person to person and it's often trial and error. You need to firtsly forgive yourself to prevent further frustration at getting angry, as it turns into an unproductive cycle.
It IS ok to make mistakes and give yourself room for improvement. It's also perfectly fine to get angry and frustrated and to voice how you are feeling.
The only time it become innapropriate is when you project your anger in an abusive way, to either yourself or others.

Maybe next time, just say how you are feeling without trying to change the situation. Even if DS doesn't apologise or stop whatever it is he is doing which is getting on your nerves, atleast you are able to just clarify your feelings, even if just to you.

I am angry, I can't cope with that noise, I get annoyed when you do that, I need some space...

When you are able to put your feelings into words, you may be suprised had how much easier it is to deal with those emotions.

HTH

tamarab30 · #3 (**permalink**) 19-10-2008, 02:48 PM

I always find that if MY daily routine (not that I really have one, just certain things I do most days) gets out of whack, then my patience levels are completely crap. The main things I have noticed is that if
I don't get enough rest (even if not sleep, and yes I know this is WAY easier said than done with little ones) eat regularly (healthly food instead of rubbish) and drink enough water, I find I have little to no patience at all. I realize this is all probably obvious, but sometimes I get sooo busy with all the kids and especially with Sam and his needs that I forget when I've even eaten last.
Not much help probably, but it may help to look at some of these aspects of your days?

emmalee · #4 (**permalink**) 19-10-2008, 08:43 PM

I need help with this too. I used to be alot more patient when it was just the one bub but now that number two is here i think I've lost it.
I'm finding that I'm expecting E to do alot more for herself and get annoyed when she asks me for something, if I'm busy with L. I also expect her to not get into as much mischief anymore. Which I know isn't right, that she is still only 2.5 and still needs my help, but at the time if I'm busy then I just get so frustrated. I try to tell myself to not worry, calm down but I also find it hard to stop myself from actually saying something. And I regret it right away, I've never hurt her or anything, but I think that it can be just as damaging to them if I'm speaking angerily through clenched teeth.

Natural Mommy · #5 (**permalink**) 25-10-2008, 01:10 AM

I'm struggling with this as well. What I'm gradually working on is closing my eyes, taking a deep breath, telling myself that the more frustrated I get the worse the situation will become. I then tell DD (2) that I need a minute, and that we can talk as soon as she calms down and is ready to talk. I let her know I'll be happy to talk to her/fix/figure out the situation when she is ready to talk to me and to let me know when that is. This takes a minute or two. Sometimes she is upset and crying and I repeat to her that as soon as she calms down I will talk to her so we can figure out what is wrong and fix it together. It works sometimes, and at others it doesn't. I try to remember if she's had a short nap, if she is hungry or something that could be triggering the frustrated behavior on her behalf.

The more I remind myself to remain calm the sooner (usually) we can resolve the issue. My hardest time of remaining calm is when she flat out refuses to listen/calm down and laughs at me.