They're not my kids!

emd · #1 (**permalink**) 15-09-2008, 10:50 PM

Just wondering if anyone else does this...

You know how sometimes kids can push you to the limits of what you can tolerate? I know you know what I mean!

Like when I'm home alone all day with three kids under school age, the oldest two have refused to rest in the afternoon even though they're obviously exhausted, the baby is crying and cranky because every time I start feeding him I have to stop to break up a fight between the older two, and then the two year old has a kicking screaming tanty because I won't let her sit in pants full of poo... and I just want to snap - scream and yell at them, or smack. I know you're supposed to put yourself in the child's position, but I can't picture myself kicking someone who wants to help me change my poopy nappy!

I've found that when I'm feeling like this, it really helps to pretend they're not my kids. I'm just babysitting them. I'm not their emotionally involved, stressed out mother who deals with these same tantrums every day. And at a specific time, my shift will end and someone else takes responsibility for them. If I can just pretend for a moment, I can keep smiling and calmly deal with the pants full of poo.

Does anyone else use this trick to maintain the level of detachment needed to keep their temper? Or do you have another method that works for you?

Mummalex · #2 (**permalink**) 15-09-2008, 10:52 PM

I haven't found a method yet.

**Marguerite** · #3 (**permalink**) 16-09-2008, 12:08 AM

I am going to try your idea next time I am at my wits end with my cherubs.

I lose my temper and have to leave the room or pull the car over and step out if we are driving. Anything for a minutes peace.

hanabi · #4 (**permalink**) 16-09-2008, 10:09 AM

I have been there and I've handled it well and I've been there and handled it very poorly. I've hit and I've screamed. There are certain times when all buttons get pushed at once.

Yeah, I imagine a surveillance camera in the corner recording everything I do. The mental act of putting it there 'tames' me. Means I can 'play back' the episode later in my mind. Works for me anyway....

**Susan** · #5 (**permalink**) 16-09-2008, 10:10 AM

Great strategy Emma. I have just had a shocking weekend with my seven year until it all finally exploded on Sunday afternoon... yuk. I hate when we go there and wonder why we can find a better way. I shall try your idea next time. I too take myself for time out to calm down, but on weekends like the one just gone this just didn't seem to work. Maybe a drive to the Blue Mountains and back is what was needed!

Craig&Kel · #6 (**permalink**) 16-09-2008, 11:53 AM

I had one of those days yesterday (but just one little feral here) and I must say I handled it very poorly. Yelling, crying, and even *gulp* smacking resulting in absolutely no change in Indi's behaviour of course.
I ended up just sitting on the stairs and closing my eyes.....'this will pass'!
Mondays are never a good day for us!

starbuckozzie · #7 (**permalink**) 16-09-2008, 01:55 PM

I lock myself away, literally. I tell them I need some time to calm down and go in my bedroom and close the door. DD can't reach the door handle and DS will give up trying to open the door fairly easily if I hold it shut. Sometimes they bang on the door but usually they go and find something to do together and I come out to a big mess and some peace!

I have smacked in the past and hated myself for it. One day about 3 years ago I finished reading "Protecting the Gift" and I vowed I'd never smack again (I know it's hitting but I can't quite bring myself to say it in relation to my kids). I never have since although I've been sorely tempted!

Interestingly, DS locks himself away when he's in a bad mood too. This is backfiring on me because I'd like them to share a bedroom (DD will sleep all night with him but if she's in with us doesn't sleep at all!) Can't have it all though....

If I'm in the car and need to detach I do something similar to lying back and thinking of England! I probably become a very poor driver at those times!

Julianne · #8 (**permalink**) 16-09-2008, 05:36 PM

Good idea Emma. I will try it. Unfortunately I lose my temper and find myself yelling at the kids sometimes. Last time I yelled at my daughter (who's 2) her 4 year old brother looked at me disappointed and said 'gee Mum, that's a bit rough'. It's good that I don't scare them but hmm.. I do feel terrible for doing it though.

Jasper · #9 (**permalink**) 16-09-2008, 05:59 PM

I admit to having a lot of trouble with this. I too imagine the surveilence camera, or wondering what they neighbours will htink of me the screeching harpie next door, but it makes me feel worse to be honest. It just makes me feel so guilty and embarrassed rather than helping me to tame my temper.
I can be very short with the girls and have smacked, and definatly done time out in their rooms, none of it sits well with me and I long for more patience.
I try though and Im aware of my shortcomings. After every blow up, I explain myself and we finish with I love yous and cuddles, especially if Ive been very bad. I hope they understand that its my problem and not theirs.

KathrynJane · #10 (**permalink**) 16-09-2008, 06:43 PM

I love the babysitting technique and the surveylance camera! Brilliant!

For me homeopathics have helped me control my anger, I also try to limit what ever it is that cause my own frustration levels to rise - lack of sleep, certain foods, not eating properly, not having been to yoga in a while. etc

I aslo practice feeling mad and loving them at the same time, so in the heat of the moment I can recall feeling both, and it helps control my temper.

The biggest thing though is making it up to my children, aplogising and helping them share their fear/sadness over me getting angry. This helps me stop feeling so guilty and helps them recover and trust me again. Not feeling guilty is important to me because if I feel guilt for too ling I find it turns to frustration and the whole things starts again.