Help! My son is going to be a cricket player for sure!

[~*WindofGrace*~]

My DS is almost 19 months old. Lately, everything is over arm throwing. It doesn't matter if it's his drink cup to toys, or his cutlery. It doesn't just happen when he is frustrated, but just out of the blue... if he is finished with his drink, over the arm throw it is! Last night at dinner he threw his fork and hit my MIL in the nose (which was already bruised from a bad fall).

Now, I know he isn't doing this to be vicious, or anything like that, so it's not so much a worry about him as it is me. Originally DH and I just ignored the behaviour and would ask him nonchalantly to pick up his cup and put it on a table. But lately I've been trying to find the words to explain why I don't want him to throw things like forks, or even his drinks. I always lean down and speak quietly to him so that he doesn't think I'm mad at him.

I've tried saying things like:
"We only throw our ball outside"
" Please don't throw, it could break something and mummy would be sad if that happened"
" Please don't throw *whatever*. It could hurt *so and so* and they would be sad"

Of course there have been the odd occasions where pressure has got the better of me (like last night with MIL-she was in tears) and I've revved him and told him how we don't throw because it's dangerous and *cringe* naughty. Immediately after I've felt so guilty because he just looks at me as if to say " I have no idea what you are on about, you mad woman."

I can only think that I am phrasing it wrong for him so some help on what to say would be fantastic. Like I said, it seem to be just a random thing that he thoroughly enjoys doing- so I'm just confused on how to speak to him about it- especially at his age.

[Kimby]

Hi Grace

Hehe...It can be so difficult when they discover that they have amazing limbs such as arms (and legs!) My DS loves to throw things too and at times, has hit me in the face with items such as blocks...ouch. So I can understand where you are coming from.

Maybe I'm being too simplistic here but have you tried a simple "No!" or even "Stop!" when he is doing the action that has hurt someone? Obviously when he understands that what just happened isn't okay, then you can give cuddles and explanations...

I try to avoid over-use of this word and take a more positive approach too but I tend to draw a line when someone gets injured or may be injured. I think it's important for them to understand that the action they just took hurt someone or they could be hurt themselves and so they should try to remember to avoid it.

I know DS often gives me a really blank look if I say anything longer than 5 words so maybe just one would help to get your message across?

Don't know if this will help... but I hope it does

[emd]

Fewer words might help.
For example, instead of:
"Please don't throw *whatever*. It could hurt *so and so* and they would be sad."
you could try (in a calm but firm voice):
"No. That hurts. Gentle."
And then demonstrate by gently putting the fork down.
You could also ask him to give MIL a kiss/hug to make it better. They don't necessarily have the words or understanding to say sorry for an accidental injury, but they can understand that someone is hurting and that their hug can help soothe it.

Another example... when he throws an object inside the house that might cause something to break:
"No. The *object* might break. Gentle."
And then demonstrate by placing the object gently on the floor.

Other than that, all you can do is reassure yourself that it's just a phase that will pass. He may need to break a few toys before he learns about the consequences, but I promise he won't be throwing forks at his 21st birthday party! (Well, not until he's had several beers and some fool decides to set up a makeshift darts game using your silverware...)

[Susan]

but I promise he won't be throwing forks at his 21st birthday party! (Well, not until he's had several beers and some fool decides to set up a makeshift darts game using your silverware...)

lol. What we still have to look forward to!

When my youngest throws or hurts, I usually explain how I feel first. So I might say something like "I am worried that is going to break something / hurt someone." I then usually direct him to something else where he can still throw or do what he wants to do in a safe way. This is obviously not always possible and there and times that you can redirect. But I find giving him the opportunity to do what he wants to do in a safe way satisfies both our needs.

[~*WindofGrace*~]

Thanks for all the replies. Braeden has always been a really good communicator for his age so maybe I just didn't realise that I needed to make it simpler.

I don't really push the hugging thing unless it's me or DH we'll say " Ouch..that hurt...can you give mummy a kiss?" as he is weary of my IL's.. (To my secret amusement...LOL)

I think I just needed a fresh perspective to maintain sanity.

[sweetchili]

these are just some little things that i picked up in child care that might help

i found instead of saying.."Please....(action/behaviour you want him to follow)" say "(action/behaviour you want him to follow).....Thank-you"
'Please' is a request for a favour(giving him the option to do as you ask or not)..where as 'thank-you' is saying you have already expected him to do the correct behaviour.

does that make sense?

also i think its a personal preferance, but i like 'stop.' rather than 'no'.
eg. "Stop.(pause/breath) Keep your fork on the table/tray, thank-you" ..rather than "NO..don't do that"
Stop seems to lead more naturally to a positive, No easily leads to the negative...'no that's naughty'...etc.

Also with the above positive example....let him know what behaviour you do want him to do...rather than continuing to remind him of the negative behaviour.

hope that helps a little!

I don't really push the hugging thing unless it's me or DH we'll say " Ouch..that hurt...can you give mummy a kiss?" as he is weary of my IL's.. (To my secret amusement...LOL)

hee hee!!!
I agree i dont think children should forced to make physical contact as a way of saying sorry.

best of luck!

[emd]

Good point about "stop" rather than "no". When I think about the language I use with my own children, I think I do use "stop" more than "no".

[~*WindofGrace*~]

R'ee-

First- I love your new avatar! He's gorgeous! Secondly, thanks so much for that. I am definitely trying going to try the "stop" rather than "no". I was doing really well with that for a while but looking back I have switched on to "no" a lot more.

As far as "please" is concerned I always use it the first time only and then don't after that. But apart from your very valid point about "please" being a request I can see how the please, then no please could be confusing as well.

Ohhh....such brilliant ideas! Thank you so much girls! I'm really feeling much more confident about it all and I think I've been able to see exactly what I can change to help it all along!

I love this forum.

[Kimby]

I totally agree with how emd has put it... exactly what I was trying to say in my very round-a-bout way!

I should clarify here that I definitely don't think that physical contact should be "enforced" in any way - I more just meant that if they want a cuddle because they're upset with being interrupted from their "activity"... as in if they come to you or are looking for affection.

[~*WindofGrace*~]

Hey Kimby- no worries! I knew what you meant! Sometime he shows concern and that's when we'll say "Ohh...it hurt mummy. Can I have a kiss?" and if he doesn't...it's not the end of the world.

I'd love to say that the throwing is getting better but since then we've had a shattered glass bowl and multiple other things...lol. I'm just taking it one throw at a time.