11mth old tantrums and face slapping

[jessicat]

Hi there, have little 11 month old that, when taken away from something she wants has a mass tantie. Now I know this may be normal, but kinda freaks me out...what's it going to be like when she gets to 2????

She has taken to trying to hit me in the face when take her away from something (despite trying lots of distraction, and "oh, how exciting, look at the doggie - much more exciting than the power point!!!).

Any tips on how to deal with this? At moment staying calm, holding my face away (Id like my eyes in tact) and saying no, and then trying a distraction.

Thanks.

[emd]

I know it's frustrating, but relatively normal at this age. If someone does something they don't like, they can't just walk away from it, and they don't have the verbal capacity to ask for the other person to stop. And they'll do it mostly to people who they feel safe and secure with, people that they know will love them no matter what they do. And some kids do it more than others - my first baby didn't do this much at all, my second baby did it a lot. (Third baby hasn't reached that age yet.)

When Jools went through this phase, I said "no - use your words" and put her down (usually I was holding her when she did it). If she did it to another child, I said "no - use your words" and moved her away from the other child. Once she'd calmed down, I tried to reinforce the "use your words" by trying to teach her to say "no" or "stop". If she said "no" or "stop" over something that wasn't really that important, I let her have her way - so she'd get the idea that using her words sometimes got the result she wanted. But obviously you can't let them have their way when it's a safety issue. Jools naturally outgrew it when she was standing and walking, so less physically intimidated by other children, and could say a few words like "no" and "stop".

Sounds like what you're doing will work just fine - it will just take time.

[theycallmemum]

Yes, this is very normal and a sign of much more to come, sorry to say. LOL.

You're doing the right thing, gentle guidance and trying to divert her attention. The face scratching, a gentle no and one time I had to actually gently tap my sons hand to stop him from doing this. But the problem with kids is they do it first and we think its funny and then it gets too serious, and it's not so funny anymore.

Keep soing "no", and get used to doing this for a while as there is many more to come.

[hanabi]

Allow her to see your response to the face slap. A dramatic 'ow, that hurts mummy" and a woeful look on your face communicates much more than "no". Then distance yourself from her for a little while. It won't take long before she recognises the pattern - though she may not have the self-control to stop herself hitting out just yet, you lay the groundwork for empathy that will help them reason around age two.

[jessicat]

Hey thanks all. Appreciate the feedback.

"And they'll do it mostly to people who they feel safe and secure with, people that they know will love them no matter what they do." - makes me smile. even if gets walloped at least I know she is feels safe with me. Thats nice thought.

And yes LOL re more to come. Blimey - mums/dads are superheros! Dreading it all a bit to tell truth (she is a determined little gal with lots of 'tude - good on her, but tiring for ma and da sometimes), but know going to be hilarious and fun as well.

Also - thanks re face thing. Will let her know gently if hurts his way.

Yawn, neverending hey?

X

[MindfulMama]

Originally Posted by hanabi

Allow her to see your response to the face slap. A dramatic 'ow, that hurts mummy" and a woeful look on your face communicates much more than "no". Then distance yourself from her for a little while.

I wish this worked with our DS (now 17 months). I've even actually cried when he bit/hit me one too many times & he still laughs & does it again. Very hard to be patient in response!

Not sure what the answer is, other than to keep up with the gentle guidance & hope it sinks in!

[emd]

Originally Posted by jessicat

And yes LOL re more to come. Blimey - mums/dads are superheros! Dreading it all a bit to tell truth (she is a determined little gal with lots of 'tude - good on her, but tiring for ma and da sometimes), but know going to be hilarious and fun as well.

Actually, it might be just wonderful.

Jools has turned out to be the most fiery, determined little girl on the planet. But as MIL says, you wouldn't want a child without spirit A child who is very sure of herself might display strong will as well as great generosity of spirit and social confidence. She often brings food or toys to share with her sister without suggestion from me, and she often gives me kisses and tells me she loves me.

[jessicat]

emd, thats a great post. Thanks so much. Got a bit teary reading it - it was so lovely to read positive aspects of strong will. Needed to read it. Your little one sounds gorgeous and has reminded me of the great aspects to yet unfold. Thanks.

kimj - my heart with you there. I once cried when Tilly got me in the eye with her slap (been on my own for a few days and at end of my tether). they sometimes challenge us to our core. I now understand why my friend said to me when I was in my pre-baby world that its a living active meditation of mindfulness, patience and compassion being a parent. And i thought she just hung and had fun all day. LOL.

[Nyree]

what's it going to be like when she gets to 2????

Less painful The slapping (biting, pinching, etc) seems to stop some time before 2. I actually found 2 to be a pretty cool age. Then she turned 3......... There's a reason they call them "Threenagers"

[emd]

yep, three has its own challenges! But on the upside, I expect to be getting more sleep at night so I can be awake to deal with the daytime challenges.