3 1/2 yo son has become a handful!?

[Mum_Greenwood]

A few weeks ago, my son and I had an appointment, they made us wait a few hours.

For most of that time, he was a dream child (always was until that day). He played with the toys available and read books, talked to other people, played with some other kids who came in. By the end, when we were finally called in, he was over tired, inconsolable, and completely losing it.

For a moment, I went 2 metres away, to get a cup of tea. The other kids were being naughty and jumping on furniture and being a nuisance (and their mother just sat there and said nothing). I told my son that this wasn't on. He was ok with what I said, but I think one of the kids did something, because I heard something when I had my back turned to them. (making a drink). I had to ask the children to leave him alone.

Every since that day, he bites, hits, (not something picked up from me, I don't smack), says "NO!", sooks all the time, throws tantrums etc.. Every 5mins, he is into something and destroying it, or smearing it.

He was fine, before that day. Now, he won't get into the car without a fuss or do anything that is a reasonable request.

It's driving me bonkers. I'm patient, but feeling like banging my head on the wall.

He was always friendly with everyone he met. Always smiled. People always told me what a lovely balanced boy he was. Now, not so.

He doesn't listen to me anymore either.

My behaviour hasn't changed. I still explain things, crouch in front of him so we are at the same eye level, talk in a soft voice. Instead of him saying "ok mummy" like he used to or "you're welcome", I get hit or bite and "no!" screamed in my face.

This is really really not like him. Anyone else who knows him, knows that this is not him at all.

What do I do? I'm concerned.

[Meridith]

From what you shared I read that your perception is that whatever happened on that day, your son has behaved differently.

What do you think happened for your boy during that day? How do you think he was feeling? What do you think was going through his mind (thinking)? How do you feel about how you responded to him during that time?

Most boys go through a testosterone surge around the 4 year mark, maybe your little man has hit it early? From my understanding the testosterone surge can be quite sudden and it is not uncommon for mum to be in shock wondering where he quiet little boy went.

http://www.preschooldirectory.co.uk/adviceboys.html A bit mainstream in places but there is more out there if you want to google.

Hormones play a large part in that much loved phase in the life of so many four year olds boys when activity levels surge, and vigorous physical play, and a fascination with super heroes becomes the main stay of the boy's play. Around the age of four, boys' testosterone levels in the blood, suddenly double and that little boy changes quite suddenly and dramatically into a strong active child with limitless energy and a fascination with rough and tumble and very boisterous play.

During the age of 3-4 children becoming more interested in social interaction and start experimenting with some observed social skills (usually picked up from other children) on their safe people - parents. Talking, talking, talking through what is going on, explaining social interactions etc can be helpful. IE. My daughter has started imitating a little friend of hers who has some aspergers characteristics. When I work out that the behaviour (in this case I shall say excessive and unusual whining) reminds me of little friend T, I start talking to my DD about how T talks to her mum and why she might do that, how T's mummy might feel. This leads into how I feel when DD whines continually and how I appreciate it when she speaks to me in a normal voice. V-e-r-y r-e-p-e-t-e-t-i-v-e.

So what is your gut saying re your son's behaviour? If you can find some headspace to step back and try to define what is going on you might find it easier to know how to respond. Hope some of my waffle helps.

[Mum_Greenwood]

Headspace is out of the question. My family are all dead and no one talks to you in this part of the Valley unless you are a several generations descendant. (the rest form "cliques" and start nasty rumours, I'm not that type). I've never had a day off lol. What's a 'day off' again??lol My friends all live miles away.

It's just that I have explained, consoled and everything else...ad nauseum. Nothing seems to be working. This was a few weeks ago. If ever I have had a behaviour issue with him, it is usually sorted by now.

For the testosterone stuff, I let him go outside and play in the dirt with his diggers and trucks. He gets covered from head to toe and loves it. I give him a pair of secateurs and let him help prune things (the desire to destroy). I give him things to play with, outside, that allow him to smash and bash. Boys love that stuff.

He has become more introverted as some have observed. After him being so out going and having a fabulous sense of humour that could get an old prude laughing lol, he is now angry and introverted.

What you said was definitely food for thought........I am pondering it. Thank you

[Meridith]

Headspace is out of the question. My family are all dead and no one talks to you in this part of the Valley unless you are a several generations descendant. (the rest form "cliques" and start nasty rumours, I'm not that type). I've never had a day off lol. What's a 'day off' again??lol My friends all live miles away.

I hear you! Headspace time needs to fit into the 10 minutes I try to squeeze a quiet cuppa in between DH leaving for work and DD deciding she really is awake. Or sneaking off to the loo by myself. Or the rare occasion someone else (usually DH) opts to stay home with DD while I go to the supermarket.

Sometimes I find just posting about this stuff helps me to think through it more effectively. Feel free to use this place to keep your thoughts, if you like.

When you mention angry and introverted, it occurs to me that your son might be struggling to process the behaviour he witnessed that day. If he doesn't mix with children very often perhaps he is struggling with what he witnessed as "normal" behaviour or emotions he doesn't understand. Tracey Moroney has a delightful series of "When I'm Feeling...." books that you can get from just about anywhere including Big W that many parents/toddlers find really helpful.

Also, does your son have any food sensitivities that you are aware of or suspect? Is he immunised (recently)?

Feel free to PM me if you need someone to chat to.

[Mum_Greenwood]

Son can't be immunised. Doctor wrote a note because he is highly allergic. I will try and track down the books you mentioned.

He goes to child care one day a week (which I spend fixing up the house and shopping/paying bills-not a day off lol). They have noticed him being more introverted too.

Our diet hasn't changed- I'm almost allergic to everything lol, so our diet is very strict. I'm creative so it's not boring lol. Those books sound great and I will track them down.

But, what you've said has made sense and I'm thinking of more creative ways to help him through this.

Much appreciated.

[alzarex]

hugs
my 41/2 yo spent 9 days with his cousin over christmas and completely changed and hasn't changed back yet, so I will be watching this thread with interest - I hope you get a clearer idea of stuff you can do to help him