can kids respect 'stuff'?

[Xine]

This is an issue that has been escalating in our household slowly over the last couple of years and has really come to a head in the last six months or so (especially today).

I have two DS's, one 3 and the other 6 and 1/2, and DP and I are constantly amazed at how thier toys and books seem to get in such bad condition so quickly. They don't seem to have ANY respect for thier belongings, or ours. They don't play destructively, just don't understand how to prevent things getting runed (ie not packing them up, leaving them outside, misplacing things, stepping on them, etc I'm sure you know what I mean).

Up until now we have actively tried to encourage them to pack their toys up when they are finished with them and have the toys stored in an orderly system to make it easier for them. It is a constant struggle and they still see it as a chore and do anything to get out of it.

The more frustrating aspect of this issue is that they treat DP's and my own belongings the same way. We have had to replace a Digital Camera and a couple of other expensive items because of accidents the kids have had with them. But books, craft, documents etc are regularly damaged due to lack of awareness about thier treatment.

So here is the big question.....
How do we teach our children to respect thier belongings? or is it developmental and do I just have to let it go and wait for the 'magic' to happen?

Do others of you have the same problem? It constantly amazes me how my children finish with something and drop it on the floor.....I am yet to see other kids do this. When I do the same to them to demonstrate what they are doing they think it is hilarious.......

If so, what do you do?

AHHHHHH...can you tell I've had a bad arvo

[mummabare]

I am yet to see other kids do this

Clearly you havnt met my little angel lol.

Yes I believe it is a developmental thing as well as something that we need to encourage. Personally I cant see the point in getting incredibly upset about it. My son knows that if something is broken...it goes in the bin.

If toys are left on the floor when Im about to vacuum...they go in the bin.

Yep a few dropped lips and whining...but I manage to get him to clean up about 50% of the time. The rest of the time I dont worry about it too much.. I do ask him to help clean up but he has a designated play mat and most of the mess stays on that.

All my valuables are locked up and put away...I just dont tempt fate. The only thing that is out at the moment is my sewing machine...but I taught him not to touch that because the needle is sharp ( I showed him by gently placing his finger on the needle to demonstrate how sharp it was, no I didnt stick him lol).

My digital camera is stored on top of the fridge..I try to be careful about things like that, always put them away after play.

I think we can ask them to be careful, and its fair to show discontent when they break something, but really I feel kids are kids, and I dont really expect my nearly 4 yr old to not break stuff

Hope you have a better day tomorrow!

xxx

[2shinyboys]

Hmmm, yeah it's a hard one because kids are so impulsive! I have put their books (except the board ones) up high on the bookshelf and they have to ask me for one and be sitting on the couch before they receive it. I get them to pack up one toy a bit before getting the next one out and just make it a standard rule that it just wont happen anyother way.

I think you can just hope that one day they follow your good example - it ust permeate somehow!

gotta go - screaming in the background!

[sweetsugarsunshine]

I could have written alot of your post myself.

Also - toys are made so crappy these days they dont take much punishment from active children.
I have 3 boys.. they have had moments but its actually carelessness on my part.. ie- left my laptop on my bed and my bubba hammered it instead of his little wooden peg thing.. YIKES!!
With books, we have them in baskets, bookshelfs all over the house, for some reason (maybe because I cherish them so much) they are very gentle with the books.

Im happy to have a medium, I do want my boys to respect peoples property (including their own) but I dont want them to feel like they are treading on eggshells to protect material things either (does that make sense)

Generally they are pretty good, the occasional disaster of something getting broken, DVD getting shoved into the wrong places happens...

Mostly we kind of go by a once you have finished playing with something, put it back and go your hardest with the next thing, they are fairly good at doing that.

Lets just say - I wont be getting a cream sofa for a few years... but Im perfectly okay with that.. Id rather them enjoy putting their smelly socks on there and curling up with a book at the end of a busy day

[hanabi]

We have a weekly toy and cupboard tidy up time. Most things have an obvious place to go. Sometimes I put things away (aka 'hide' them for a while) so they are appreciated when they reappear. Also so there isn't the volume to have to manage and be putting them away at bedtime ever night. If the room isn't tidy, then at least the floor must be clear for walking on in the dark.

Some toys and games I'll only dole out on the condition that they be cleaned up when they're done with. And I hold them to it.

I especially struggle with the treatment of books. Walking over them and on them, open and shut, using them as construction toys rather than reading entertainment. I really think I model treating books well but perhaps it's a sign of the times that I read more at the PC and so they don't see me reading books as much as I think?

But yeah, kids will be kids and I don't expect them them to value what I value. Without our weekly toy clean up I'd go bonkers.

The kids are nothing compared to our dogs! We have two puppies who chew everything in their path.

[Olysmum]

Our children can be fairly destructive when it comes to toys. I find it's not intentional but at their age, it's more not having the understanding of care and value.

One lesson I have learnt is to buy toys that are recommended for their age group. Sounds like common sense but I started getting into the habit of allowing DS to choose his own toys and he always seemed to be attracted to the 5 yrs+ toys. An example is a large-ish plastic helicopter we bought him recently that recommended an age group of 6 yrs+. He played with it with all the care a 4 yo could muster and it was damaged within a day. There were smaller rotating parts and buttons on it which simply needed the appreciation of an older child which he doesn't yet have. We've had several expensive lessons but I think I've got it through my head now

When it comes to expensive equipment like cameras, I think the key is prevention. Like Mummabare said, these things need to be out of their reach. I explain to DS that items such as cameras are fragile and not easily replaceable. I have also showed him how the camera works and allow him to take photos supervised and he seems to have an appreciation for its value.

Hope that helps but at the end of the day I think children will be children and there's gunna be some level of destruction

[Olysmum]

Originally Posted by hanabi

I especially struggle with the treatment of books. Walking over them and on them, open and shut, using them as construction toys rather than reading entertainment. I really think I model treating books well but perhaps it's a sign of the times that I read more at the PC and so they don't see me reading books as much as I think?

.

ooohhh....yes, I struggle with this too. It breaks my heart to see books damaged.

[Craig&Kel]

We are lucky to be in a huge house at the moment, so we have a sleepout area where Indi can play, and we don't worry about it being messy, we can just shut it off if it becomes an eyesore. I encourage Indi to come and help clean it up, but it turns into a 'rediscovery' of toys, and she just ends up playing with the toys that she hasn't seen in a while .
She does (usually) help tidy up the rest of the house by taking any of her toys out to the playroom if we ask her to, BUT likewise....all her books get trashed. I think it is just tough love, she gets very excited reading them! She isn't too bad with normal books, it's the board books that she ends up ruining.

If she ever gets hold of the camera, she brings it to us, saying 'careful' and 'smile!'.
There are certain things that she knows she is not allowed to have (camera, mobile phones, shaving cream, cleaning vinegar etc!), and if she ever gets busted playing with them, she acts like she is so pious....'here you go mummy...(you KNOW I wasn't going to do anything naughty with this, I was just minding it for you.......)'

[tamarab30]

I think sometimes it also depends on the amount of "stuff" the kids have. My step-kids (only been raising them full-time for just over 12 months) don't seem to have any respect for their property (or anyone else's and they are 8, 13 and 15). 15 yo loses her reading glasses every couple of months (and they cost just over $300) and DP just goes and buys her some more. It infuriates me! We don't have much money (DP does work but I am on a carer's pension for my son) She works part-time and I believe that DP should make her pay for them herself, it may just teach her to be more responsible.
Anyway, the kids have gotten better with looking after things, but they all still have some way to go.
I'm the same as Mummabare - if I need to vacuum and stuff is on the floor, it goes in the bin.
Hope u have a better day 2day

[mum,2,5girls]

I have a problem with this also regarding space, i have 3 girls in a small room so it always looks a mess!
But i found that after we got a puppy they learnt that if they leave their toys out the dog chewed them up, so that was a quick lesson on keeping their toys out of the lounge
my 8yr old is slowly getting the idea of keeping her stuff together and organised. It is an age thing though.