2.5yr DS-How can I help him express anger

[kimbishy]

Hi
Ds has just started biting :( We are trying a few methods in dealing with it and helping him understnand what he has done. Like paying attention to the victim and talkthing to DS later when he is calm about why we don't bite etc.
I'm just not sure how to encourage him to express hi anger in words..he has fairly good use of words but I don't want to confuse with him lots of different emotions.
What words or symbols do you suggest to help him let the anger out in a more functional way????

[hanabi]

We had a similar situation arise in our family last year.

First thing we did was look at the triggers. For my son it was frustration and powerlessness at being the youngest child among a bunch of older playmates.

Second thing we did was find language to talk about biting that avoided all 'don't' and 'shouldn't' type language. Instead we said, "Biting hurts. Use your words," or "Show me your gentle hands" or similar type things. Why? Because there are instances, though rare, when biting might be appropriate (think of all the predators who might take advantage of a child) and I want biting to be an available behaviour in cases of self-defense. Whether that's 'proper' in society's terms or not I really don't care. I want my child to retain his/her personal soveriegnty.

Third thing we did was warn the other kids that "last time he felt like you were bossing him around he bit you, remember?" just so they would be mindful of the patterns of their own behaviour.

Perhaps our situation was different to yours. The scenario in which he bit was really clear-cut and easy to prevent. As soon as his language ability passed a milestone he was able to express himself better and the biting behaviour subsided.

I also find that sticking to specific "yes" statements in the past tense can help them through the hurt and anger very quickly. eg "You didn't like it when (name) took the train away. Did you feel angry?" etc. If they're able to express themselves, even in one word sentences then it's good to give them the opportunity to express themselves.

I look forward to reading other replies.

[Susan]

Our youngest son used biting as a means of communicating his needs for some time. He teethed very early and was aware at an early age at how handy his teeth were when confronted with his older brother's rough play or when in conflict with one of us. He was usually feeling angry when he would bite, angry or extremely frustrated. Like Jodie, we made our older son aware of how Baxter would bite to defend himself and this was a painful lesson he learned a number of times.

To support Baxter's expression of his painful feelings I would stay close when I sensed a biting situation was about to arise. This was not always possible but I always trusted my intuition when things headed this direction and didn't seem to miss many anticipated bitings. When close I could intervene in the situation with encouragement to use words, redirect the situation or allow Baxter expression of his emotions in a way that did not mean biting. This may have been a tantrum or crying. I was also able to talk through with Harry the incident

The good news is that this phase has passed and with more words in is vocab he is now able to express himself without biting. He is very good at defending himself and now makes himself clear using words.

I remember feeling at the time, considerable concern at his biting and questioned my ability as a parent. Somehow it seemed worse than hiting. Probably because it leaves such a mark to remind everyone.... but really I think it is the same sort of thing. Just a different way of expressing.

We have an article on biting by Naomi Aldort. You might like to have a look.

http://www.naturalparenting.com.au/f...dlers-bite.cfm

[KristinC]

You can role play it for him and show him some words to use. I used to say something like "you're angry!" and stamp my foot to show him that's what angry looks like. If you verbalise what you see (I can see you are feeling very angry / frustrated / whatever) he will soon pick up the words to use and the acting out of the anger will become redundant.

[mummabare]

I bought some books that talked about being angry, lonely and kindness. I found them really great for talking about emotions...I also helped him to verbalise...like when he dropped his lip I would say "are you feeling sad? Do you need a cuddle?"

I think helping to verbalise in the moment is important, so they can come to recognize it in the moment iykwim.

Best of luck

xxx