Consequences?

[tamarab30]

Hi All
I am new here and hope that someone share with me some ideas on consequences for children's misbehaviour.
My children are:
Son- 16
Step-daughter - 15
Step-son - 13
Son - 12
Step-daughter - 8
Daughter - 8
Son - 6 (severe cerebral palsy)
All of the children live with my partner and I full-time.
Obviously with so many children I am repeating myself over and over again (clean ur teeth, make ur bed, speak nicely 2 each other blah, blah, blah)
Anyway Im having trouble finding consequences other than sending them to bed 15mins earlier each time I have to repeat myself.
They would be going 2 bed as soon as they got home from school.
Anyone got any age appropriate consequences that I can use?
Thanks so much
Tamara
mum to 7

[Meridith]

What about natural consequences? If they (older ones) don't clean their teeth before 8pm etc then it is too late and has to wait until morning...they have to live with furry teeth and the reality that they might be creating cavities for themselves.

Make your bed....well I suppose is there something that the child in question most appreciates from you (getting to school on time, having their bedroom floor vacuumed) that can be conditional on the bed being made? I'm not sure how you'd make that one work with 7 children, but!

I don't have the experience you do, but I know my child and the children I have/do look after respond very well to logic & consequences. If you don't go to the toilet now...you will have wet knickers and will have to wear your not-favourite pair. You don't have to eat all your dinner...but you might be hungry at bedtime and there is no more food until breakfast. If you pull the cat's tail....she will probably scratch you!

I know it gets harder the older they grow.

[GreenGully]

I agree Meredith. Consequences that make sense will be the only ones that work. And decide what is really important to have done (perhaps bedmaking isn't?). Or make it a game or do it all together as a family. I think that perhaps with such a large family finding a rhythm to your day that works and gets what needs to be done, done, without making everything feel like a chore, would be really helpful. There was a great thread bout this kind of thing a while back. Search "daily rhythm" and you should find it.

[~Luna~]

Firstly click this link and print out the picture of the teeth near the botton of the page and stick it on the bathroom mirror
http://www.wellness-water.info/
When they go to brush their hair, the will be reminded of what happens to their teeth if they don't brush them everday.. works for us

Secondly, punshiments don't normally work as good as natural consquences as Meridith said a neat bed isn't something most kids care about if it bothers you do it yourself.

Speaking nicely to eachother is a hard one. I guess all you can really do is remind them of appropriate ways to speak to eachother and especially to you. They are actually learning communication skills even when they are being rude to eachother. They are learning about reactions and about how it makes them feel to be spoken to badly. Natural consquence of being rude to each other is arguments, fights and basically feeling like crap they'll figure it out eventually.

[hanabi]

Since there are enough of them, what about a buddy system. Each older child can oversee a younger child - this means allowing them to demonstrate the hows and why-fors to the younger child (responsibility, modelling). Perhaps this extra level of responsibility could come with certain privileges if performed to your standard?

I see a multi-dimensional approach working better than a strict system of disciplinary consequences (c'mon, we *can* use the word "punishment" in this case, can't we?).

[hanabi]

Oh, and there is always the good old, round table negotiations.

[possum]

My girl is only 4 but i take something away usually her doll, she goes up on the cupboard for 1sleep sometimes 2 if she has done something that really ticks me off (like drawing with texta all over her nannas suade foot stools!!!) So much easier than getting cranky and she seems to respond better to it than anything else ive tried. Telling them they cant watch TV or have to go to bed early just "punishes" me as well!

[lulu12345]

i would say pick ur battles. if making the beds etc is a real pet peeve for u then i can understand u wanting it done - for me i dont make my own bed so dont expect my kids to make theirs lol., but with such a large family i can imagine u want a bit of order.
so i guess it is age appropriate consequences ie at 16 im guessing she has a phone, take it off her for a set amount of time, or no computer or no tv what ever it is she enjoys, maybe no visiting friends you will only have to be heavy handed a couple of times for them to realise you are serious then hopefully they will get the picture and obey the rules.


much the same for younger ones less tv time, or asking them to make their bed when their favourite programme is on!!! that will make them want to do it in the morning rather than when their programme is on iykwim.

its hard with such an age difference, i guess its just making sure they understand what u expect from them and why. let them know why its important to you that they help out and what happens when they dont., and then explain how the punishment will work ie i need you to make ur bed each day because ............... if you dont make your bed i am going to have to start doing things to show you that i am serious that i want it done some things that may happen are .,,,,,,,,,, eg no tv or being made to make bed during programme....... etc.......

not sure if that helps I just remember being 16 and not wanting to do jack at home lol so good luck with that.... and i moved out at 17 so i dont think ive made my bed since lol.....

[hanabi]

Sorry, but I personally don't think punishment is appropriate for failure to do domestic tasks and chores. Punitive strategies to 'control' our kids are destined to backfire on us at some stage. Communicate with them, negotiate with them, be willing to give and take when they help out with their younger sibs, admit that your absolute authority and control is not *why* you ask them to help but please, please, please, do not advise authoritarian approaches to 'discipline' here. Punishment and parental authority at the cost of personal sovereignty is not, and never will be, "Gentle Guidance".

Ask yourself, "is this mode of discipline enhancing or detracting from our relationship and our ability to communicate?"

I will do some searches and post some links to a new thread in the Big Kids forum when I get the time.

All the best,

[GreenGully]

Punitive strategies to 'control' our kids are destined to backfire on us at some stage. Communicate with them, negotiate with them, be willing to give and take when they help out with their younger sibs, admit that your absolute authority and control is not *why* you ask them to help

Exactly Jodie!