Hitting and dealing with it

MegAndMikey · #1 (**permalink**) 26-09-2007, 01:04 PM

Mikey was 26 months when Emma was born 8 weeks ago, and the so called "terrible two's" had just started. He's actually a gorgeous boy, but right now I think that if I were to tell him that eating spinach was not acceptable it would become his favourite food!

He's loved Emma from the start - wants to cuddle, etc, but in the last week has started hitting MIL (who's from South Africa and staying with us for 2 months), us and now Emma. He also tries to see if he can get away with things like twisting her little finger while "holding hands". There's no way I could leave them in a room together alone, even just to run to the loo.

I've been trying telling him that hurting people isn't acceptable, and putting him in time-out for 2 minutes, then getting him to apologise. But as it's escalating (he's never shown the slightest inclination to hit anyone before) I guess he's enjoying the negative attention in that crazy 2 year old way. I am trying to give him all the positive attention I can when Emma's asleep and playing his favourite games with him + giving him lots of extra cuddles, but still I guess it's normal for a 2 year old to be jealous of a new baby.

Anyway, I've read that ignoring hitting and focusing on the injured party works, but didn't want to do this as I was scared it would make him resent Emma more if I gave her extra attention when he hurts her. But now I'm wondering if it'll work better than time-out. Has anyone had success with this? If it's you who's been hit, do you just walk away? (giving yourself lots of attention would just be silly

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mammadyl · #2 (**permalink**) 26-09-2007, 01:14 PM

hugs to you.

Time out has worked for us because I think it shows that a certain behaviour is unacceptable - and they are the terms I use with my son.

I think that only you know your son and what might work for him. Also having your mil if she is hit to move away and to ask him to sit in time out might help as he can see that it is not only mummy who thinks the behaviour is not ok.

I know with my ds, there were some days when I could see something brewing and would divert and distract and move him away from the situation (still have to now sometimes). I also found giving him ways to deal with his frustrations, as well as accurate words helped. Like hitting a pillow, kicking a ball outside etc etc

hth and HUGE hugs to you, do what your gut tells you, and be consistent. However tiring and difficult it is and even if you have to do it seemingly all afternoon....it does make a difference, I also find that once the 'moment' is over we really are over it and don't focus on it any more than is needed, most kids know when they have done something nqr...

la · #3 (**permalink**) 26-09-2007, 07:01 PM

Have you read the Naomi Aldort article on the natural parenting site "When your toddler hurts the baby" ? It may offer you a different perspective on how to deal with this. There may be some other relevant articles in old NP magazines, do you know any one with a good stash?

KristinC · #4 (**permalink**) 26-09-2007, 10:07 PM

I have never had a second child (yet) so can't really comment on what is normal or expected there... but just some ideas for you..
Why do you think he's hitting / hurting? What emotions might he be trying to communicate to you? How do you think you could help him to process those emotions or meet his emotional needs?

kadownie · #5 (**permalink**) 26-09-2007, 10:31 PM

hugs to you- I find hitting really hard to deal with- my twins started hitting out at each other at about 18 months...and they seem to have just started it up again- not sure what they're going to be like when bub comes.

I don't think I'm consistent enough with them. Usually I seperate them and one goes and has time out (whoever has been hitting) while I deal with the upset one. Then I go and have a cuddle with the other one and try and figure out what's gone on. I remember asking a Mum of 7 what I should do- she said, just what you're doing...which was nice to hear.

I figure it's just a stage.. I find they hit more when they're tired or bored...DS has just started hitting/kicking me when he doesn't get his way- trying to figure out the best way to deal with it as what I'm doing doesn't seem to be getting through..will be watching this thread with interest!