Help! I'm going to go Craaaazzyy!

[~*WindofGrace*~]

Ok ,so I think this is the right place to put this and I'm just after some advice because I'm really at a loss of what to do.

My little man is just over 7 months old and has suddenly reached his stage of "separation anxiety". Now I try and be very understanding and I'm always giving him cuddles and we are very big baby wearers but it's got to the point that he doesn't want a bar of my husband and will claw at him if he wants me. My husband is very understanding and knows that it's natural but it's starting to get the point that while he's awake if I'm not breastfeeding him, holding him, or carrying him around he screams- i.e., right now he is sitting in his rocker right next to me screaming his head off because I won't pick him up. Now as soon as I do he will be all smiles. While I normally don't mind carrying him around with me there are just sometimes when I can't. I know he is going through a lot of milestone changes right now and I'm sure that has something to do with it. My family are very well meaning but I mainly just get "let him cry- he'll soon learn you aren't going to pick him up". I just can't stand the thought of doing this 8 hours a day!

How can I help him be comfortable with being by himself for a little bit without just letting him cry it out. He's great when he gets tired and lately has been just cuddling up next to me for quiet time before his naps/bed but when he's wide awake it's holding or nothing!

Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

[KristinC]

wow.. sounds like a pretty intense situation!
My strategy was just to ride it out. If you force the seperation it might cause an increase in anxiety. Just keep up with the slinging and physical contact as much as possible and it will probably just go away of its own accord.
By the way is there anything else going on which could be causing the grizzly-ness? Have you started any new foods or changed your routines lately?

[~*WindofGrace*~]

Routines haven't really changed. Last week he was off solids but he is back onto them with no problems no new foods either. Besides that there is nothing new expect for his snuggling up for sleeps without having to be breastfed/ wrapped to sleep and his persistence at wanting finger foods. It's like with the sleeps he has become less "clingy (if that's the right word) but every other time he just wants to be a Koala (that's his family nickname now because of the sling..lol)

I just hate seeing him so beside himself and I love cuddling him it's just that sometimes I'd like to be able to have a wee without hearing him bawl his eyes out...lol.

[bunty]

I would just pick him up and carry him everywhere. Toileting can be tricky though . Remember it does pass! We used to call DS2 Captain Clingon because of the way he was attached to me (and noone else!). I would just carry him as much as possible. People at (non-AP) playgroup would say, "Don't you ever put him down?" I would just shrug and say "Not really." The main peak of desperately needing to be near me lasted arounded a month, and then it popped up again around 13 months and again around 16 months. I would get up early to shower and eat breakfast in peace without a baby on my lap (and an older sibling to help as well). FWIW he is my most confident child now and separates easily from me. It seems all the closeness in the beginning allows them to develop a strong sense of knowing you will always be there for them.

[~*WindofGrace*~]

Cherise,

Thanks for those words of wisdom! I get the same from non AP parents who are sure that I'm "making a rod for my back" in most everything I do. I've even got the whole "Ohhh...so you're one of those co-sleeping parents" before...lol. Thankfully a lot of women in my playgroup can appreciate where I come from. Even though Braeden is carried most of the time he is still quite happy to go to most people unless he's in a "mood". You'd be surprised at how shocked people are when they hear him cry for the first time as I don't normally let it get that bad. I'm confident that I'm doing what's right for him with gentle approaches as I think he would become a handful if I tried "controlling the issue".

I know it's just a phase he's going through and that he is genuinely upset when he cries so I'm not comfortable just letting him carry on in such a state. I do carry him pretty much everywhere with me ( and I love it too). I suppose I'm just exhausted from not being able to do things as efficiently as I could if he were playing on the floor. I suppose it's all just a big lesson in patience. I need to get my wrap carrier, easier back carry than a ring sling, I think...heh.

[Dorasmum]

That "rod for your back" got thrown at me a couple of weeks ago, I'm not people realise how much that can hurt when they say that. It actually almost made me stop going to my mums group, that I've been going to for the last 5 years. I have two social groups I mix with, one group is definately not AP friendly and you just have to learn which topics are a no go and appreciate the other friends with similar thinking even more.

I think you just have to ride the clingyness out, I had the same thing. I had to carry Helena (11months) for about 2 months, often I wasn't even allowed to sit down with her on my lap, she wanted me to be walking around. It's just something you have to put up with, know that it will get better and most kids have the same thing at around the same time. We are the ones that suffer, my left shoulder hasn't been the same since! so it is hard and it does do your head in. I found if we were out a social function I could plonk her on her aunty, uncle or grandparents and run she would be okay for a while if I wasn't in sight, I would hide for a small break. Now she is heaps better, walking now, and still stands outside the bathroom door crying in the morning when I'm in the shower but huge improvement to 2 months ago.

Just remember that his need to be with you is his way of developing an even stronger long term attatchment and security, so that when he does have to be on his own down the track he'll be okay.

Em

[Lavender]

You could try some camomilla which is a homeopathic remedy for clingyness. It won't instantly solve the problem but it may make him less clingy so that you can at least hand him over to someone else for a quick break. I used it to help us through the separation anxiety stage. It would be most beneficial if you can go to a homeopath and get the right dose and instructions on how to administer it.
Hang in there! It will eventually pass.