Ok Gentle guidence isn't working!

[mattiesmum]

This morning..".Please be quiet Matt, Mummy has just put Ollie back to sleep. Now we'll tippy toe out to the kitchen and we'll have toast cuddled up on the couch" He then proceeds to scream at the top of his lungs and slam every door on the way to the kitchen.
Sooo... "you've woken Ollie now so Mum has to settle him again, that was silly to make all that noise because now you'll have to eat toast on your own at your little table" Follows me into the room while I'm changing a nappy and starts throwing Bob the Builder diecast toys around the room and manages to hit Ollie with one...I get cross, point out that he's hurt Ollie, and take his toys away. He answers with Hugging Ollie sorry (his idea) then running back with his big truck and flinging that at me...so that gets taken away..., more door banging. Behaviour escalates so I warn him that kindergym won't be happening if his behaviour continues...it does, sooo no kindergym. On and on and on till by 10am he has no toys left down low, no TV, and I have screamed at him to sit on his bed calm down and have a think until I come to get him...yeah right, he manages to nearly break his mirrored wardrobe door...I have tried reason, explaining,attention etc. Distraction does work to a point but quite frankly I'm sick of it, sick of humouring and jollying him out of his moods...at 2 years 11 months isn't he old enough to be able to control himself to an extent? Or is that completly unrealistic? I am getting to the point where I want to put up a toddler gate in a corner of the lounge room and jail him! Give me reasons why I shouldn't (because I've got it out of the garage) and tell me what to do!!!! Surely some form of discipline is warrented? But what form should that be? Ignoring doesn't work by the way he just escalates the bad behaviour till I HAVE to intervene.

[Rinelle]

I so know where you're coming from. We're going through the same thing here. Consequences just aren't working at all, and like you, I'm so tired of having to distract/humour her out of every situation. Nappy changes are our big one, ugh.

No advice, just sympathy, but I will be watching this thread with interest.

[kadownie]

sorry- no advice- just that my ds is at a similar stage- my dd (I have twins) was like this about 7 months ago- and it seems to pass. I usually sit and give cuddles until the rage is out- though there are times when each of them will spend time in their room if they've been consistently disobedient. It must be hard with a little one and a baby- I'm about to find out in a couple of months!

[mattiesmum]

Spelt bloody guidance wrong! oops.

[mattiesmum]

Yeah trouble is its all lovely while the cuddles are actually happening but as soon as they are over it starts. Also he won't stay in his room (or anywhere) I can return him to where I want him 50 times (he can keep it up longer than I can.)

[Rinelle]

What I've tried (with a teeny amount of success) is to tell Ezri to go sit on her bed (she doesn't have her own room right now) when I just can't cope with it anymore. I don't make any attempt to stop her playing while there, or to stay there if she gets off again (unless I'm wanting her to stay there until she will do something specific, say let me change her nappy), but it's almost as if the fact that I'm telling her to go there does the trick? Not sure if that will work in your case, but just sharing something we've found helps at our place.

[kadownie]

Yeah- my boy doesn't respond well all the time to his room- (where as it works well for Ellie) I usually let him play or give him his favourite book.

Do you think he's feeling jealous of his brother? Would it be possible to spend some special time with him?

When it all gets too much- I do sometimes take myself away (like outside or lock myself in the bathroom for a minute to calm down!)

Honestly- I'm sure it's a phase- Ellie was pretty dreadful for a few months- but now she's just lovely (most of the time) and Cameron has started up his grumpies-

You said you humoured Matt out of his moods- what did you mean by that?

[mattiesmum]

Humouring example...He bangs the door shut and I say "we don't bang doors, but we bang drums! Boom de dum de boom etc etc" I was happy to do all that when he was younger but now I'm just over it, hard to admit but I am.

[hanabi]

Originally Posted by mattiesmum

This morning..".Please be quiet Matt, Mummy has just put Ollie back to sleep. Now we'll tippy toe out to the kitchen and we'll have toast cuddled up on the couch"

What if you tried, 'Come with me and let's read this book quietly together until Ollie is asleep." ?? "Would you like a snack too?"

Personally I think it helps to think of this as the baby learning to go to sleep with the toddler around instead of the toddler learning to restrain his noise and activity because the baby has been trained to go off to sleep in a quiet environment.

He then proceeds to scream at the top of his lungs and slam every door on the way to the kitchen.
Sooo... "you've woken Ollie now so Mum has to settle him again, that was silly to make all that noise because now you'll have to eat toast on your own at your little table"

So you blame and punish Matt for his wishing you could be with him too? Remember, he can't envision even a near future where you will reward him for the behaviour you ask of him.

Follows me into the room while I'm changing a nappy and starts throwing Bob the Builder diecast toys around the room and manages to hit Ollie with one...I get cross, point out that he's hurt Ollie, and take his toys away. He answers with Hugging Ollie sorry (his idea) then running back with his big truck and flinging that at me...so that gets taken away..., more door banging.

So we're now on a downward spiral of blame.

There were times when I was successful settling the baby in private because I contrived a situation of engaging distraction - a playschool tape and a platter of snacks or play-doh and a bunch of novel kitchen tools. Or, it was done all in together, "I need your help to put bubby to sleep. Wanna bring your Bob the Builder book and read to Ollie?"

Behaviour escalates so I warn him that kindergym won't be happening if his behaviour continues...it does, sooo no kindergym.

So he is punished for you 'favouring' his brother? (from Mattie's perspective, that is). Are you beginning to see how you contribute to Mattie's frustration? Can you imagine an alternate reality that engages him in a co-operative way so that he enjoys the process of you putting Ollie to bed?

On and on and on till by 10am he has no toys left down low, no TV, and I have screamed at him to sit on his bed calm down and have a think until I come to get him...yeah right, he manages to nearly break his mirrored wardrobe door...I have tried reason, explaining,attention etc.

Yes, but he can see through your tactics and he's not yet capable of complying with your requests when he perceives that he's missing out on something special with you while you give Ollie your total attention (and 'ignore' him - from Matties' perspective again).

Distraction does work to a point but quite frankly I'm sick of it, sick of humouring and jollying him out of his moods...at 2 years 11 months isn't he old enough to be able to control himself to an extent? Or is that completly unrealistic?

Obviously, he's not at the age of reason yet. None of my kids were either. It kicked in around age four here.

I am getting to the point where I want to put up a toddler gate in a corner of the lounge room and jail him! Give me reasons why I shouldn't (because I've got it out of the garage) and tell me what to do!!!! Surely some form of discipline is warrented? But what form should that be? Ignoring doesn't work by the way he just escalates the bad behaviour till I HAVE to intervene.

Why would discipline work if he perceives a form of favouritism? I think a sense of humour will help you both immensely. When the process of settling the baby is special for all of you the need to compete will disappear. Have patience with him. I mean, it's not the end of the world if the baby wakes up.


Don't get me wrong Shauna, I do know how frustrating it is to have a sleepy baby and an over-active toddler. The trick for me was to ALWAYS give the toddler preference - even if it meant that baby had to fall asleep in the sling or the backpack amongst the noise and bustle of family life (gee, doesn't sound so bad now, does it?).

[Lavender]

Have you read any of Aletha Solter books? He may just need to cry often in your arms to get the anxiety/ rage/ tension/ stress out of his little body.
I had a similar problem with my son after DD was born and I started to use this practice and it helped a lot. Now I recognise when he needs to have a good cry and I allow him to do that. Sometime distraction can just build the tension more.
I hope it gets better for you.