Racist comments from DD!!!

[Jasper]

Im going through a patch at the moment where for some unknown reason my 4 yr old has come out with some terrable comments regarding skin colour.
I think this has mainly come about because she is actually very interested in skin colour and other countries and where people come from and what they do there.
Unfortunatly we were on the train yesturday when I was looking at a magazine which had an article in it about a premie baby. They had a picture of the teeny tiny feet and then a picture of the baby now. They baby is African American. Elora said "I dont like the black". I felt myself burn up and go red. "I said why not?" she said "Its yucky coz its black" and then I did the usual, we are all the same and so on.
After I had a sec to think about it properly, I realised she didnt mean because the baby was black, but she was talking about how you could see the baby's blood as its skin was transperant and the blood looked black. However, thats me as her mum, no-one on the planet would have known that.
Im a little scared however that she is picking up differences now and skin colour and abilities are becoming more obvious to her. Im so scared that she is picking up racist comments somewhere or whatever as they cant come from me thats for sure.
Can anyone help with books or stories or anything to help me to relate to her about this issue? Ive spoken to her but I think my speaches turn into white noise. Stories really get to her. Any games any pictures anything that would help a little 4 yr old girl to understand that we are all the same underneith?

[Georgie]

Hmmm.
My DD went through a stage when she was at daycare, where she would say she didn't like people because of their physical features. So she'd say she didn't like X because she had red hair, or didn't like Y because she was tall, but then she'd come out with 'and I don't like Z because she's got dark skin' :O
So to her, the dark skin wasn't anymore of a defining characteristic than hair colour or whatever, but that statement obviously has worse implications (although none of them are nice).
I just patiently repeated to her that everyone looks different, we don't all have brown eyes, brown hair and pale skin like her, and it isn't nice to say things like that about people's appearances. Eventually it seemed to get through and she stopped saying it, although she STILL loudly asks me why the overweight lady sitting across from us on the bus is so fat :(

[mummymoo]

The Todd Parr books are pretty good for teaching that everyone is different and that that's a good thing. I'll come back if I think of more, as it's something that I am very conscious of.

[liamsmum02]

Do you think it's probably just her being frank about noticing the difference? And maybe she doesn't like the colour black. There aren't a lot of people with black skin in Brisbane and surrounds - you wouldn't see someone with coloured skin everyday and I'd say she's just started to notice it and how different they are to us. I honestly don't think a child of her age is able to be racist and know what they are saying really means. Particularly if you are not like this at home and I'd be very suprised if she's even seen it on TV - it definately wouldn't be aired in a kids time slot.

Liam has made comments about people before that I have been so embarrassed about too. Always ends with a talk at home about how people are different and that while they might look different etc it doesn't mean that we treat them differently etc etc. Don't have any book ideas sorry.

[spiralgirl]

http://www.newint.com.au/catalog/lifelike.htm
http://www.newint.com.au/catalog/justlikeme.htm
"A life like mine" and "Children just like me" - books that explore different people all over the world and their lives ( some will be similar to things your child experiences and some will be very different.)There are all colours of children in these books! Its beautiful !!!

You can also buy them at Oxfam stores if you have one near you.

Im sure she is just noticing differences, but good on you for showing her that all people are beautiful

[KristinC]

"Whoever you are" by Mem Fox is a great story about people from all over the world that you might like. Personally I wouldn't make too much of a big deal about it, otherwise she might get the impression that it IS a big deal. It really is so cringe-worthy when your kids make those kind of statements isn't it! (One reason to be pleased about my son's speech delay!)

[Jasper]

Oh I almost died when she said it and then cried from the shame of it and fear that maybe somewhere Id done something wrong.
Im very sure you are right about her just being frank about it and not discriminating at all. We have talked about it since and she says she loves black skin coz its beautiful.
I will try to get those books, unfortunatly no Oxfam near me! However I will look on-line.
Thanks for your reassurance, I was so scared about hwat I may have done wrong as I am so against discrimination of any kind and it would kill me to think Ive raised someone who is biggoted.
Thanks

[bunty]

I am sure it isn't something you've said. I remember my mum telling me that my older brother used to say really loudly on buses that he didn't like the brown people because they smell yucky. We grew up in a community with a lot of Pacific Islanders and they often used coconut oil to moisturise their skin. It was this smell that he didn't like, but it sure was awkward for my mum! And when Ethan saw a true black person when he was 3, with that beautiful black (almost blue) skin, he was freaked out. He said that the man needed a good bath! He certainly wouldn't bat an eye now. Children are naturally curious and see differences everywhere. She isn't a racist by any means, and the more different people she sees, the more she will accept them all as just people .

[mama_bel]

When Abby (now nearly 10) was a toddler she was scared of people with very dark skin. We had friends who are quite brown, but people with really dark skin scared her. We'd walk through town and she'd announce, "I don't like dat black man!" quite loudly, pointing or staring. Groan....l

Mum says when I was little we used to travel by bus a fair bit (inner Sydney) and I'd point out everyone's differences really loudly. Poor Mum used to be soooo embaressed. Funny, one of my first schools I was the only blonde-haired, blue-eyed child in my class. I've since only had the opportunity of being a minority a couple of times and it's a really powerful experience.

[Joey]

My dd (also 4) did this the other day, we were sitting in a chinese takeaway and as the bloke walked through she said "I dont like those people with dark skin very much"

I ended (once i had recovered myself) up relating it to hair colour and how her hair is nearly white and mine is brown but we are just the same inside and its just the outside that is different.

They all have fazes like this I think, its just observations, like the whole "that man is really fat" thing lol. Designed to make us cringe but really innocent comments.

And that book Tahne recommended Children Just Like Me (by DK books) is EXCELLENT.