Anyone else have a screamer?

AmyS · #1 (**permalink**) 15-07-2007, 04:03 PM

I have NO idea what to do about this one.

For the last month or so Molly (who's 3 in september) has been SCREAMING whenever DH and I try to talk to each other. Not all the time, but most. It's worse when she';s tired or unwell, but it's driving us crazy.
I've tried talking to her about it but all she says is 'coz I don't want mummy to talk to daddy' but she can't tell me why.
I've tried ignoring it and carrying on the conversation but it's impossible as she screams so loudly
I've tried saying no, we don't do that and why. That it upsets mummy and daddy and we don'yt scream at her when she talks, but reasoning doesn't work with this one.
I've tried putting her down while I have the conversation but she screams louder.

People have suggested putting her in her room until she stops, but I don't like the sound of it, especially as she's only just started sleeping in there happily.

Others have suggested just going in to another room to talk without her, but it's hard to do every time, especially if you're just asking someone to turn on a light or get/do something.

It's become a real problem and is causing a fair bit of tension. DH thinks she's just jealous as she never does it if it's one on one (just her and him, or just me and her) and she never does it to anyone else, just us. I suspect it's a bit more than jealousy. Mum suggested that she's feeling insecure about something. But what?

And how do we stop her doing this?
Does anyone else have a child who does this? How do you handle it??

kime · #2 (**permalink**) 15-07-2007, 05:04 PM

My only suggestion is maybe trying to make a big deal of the 3 of you as a unit. We have something we call family cuddles, where we pick up our daughters to our height and have a four way kiss cuddle fest. Usually ends up in a giggling fits. My 15 month is a screamer but maybe a different situation to you. I only try to never give what she wanted as a result of the scream, and get her to settle and say ta, up or whatever, but with limited success. Both DDs also love screaming for fun.

GreenGully · #3 (**permalink**) 15-07-2007, 05:52 PM

Jack started doping this for a while but it stopped after about 2weeks, I handled it by ignoring it if we were outside and it was not obviously an attempt at getting my attention and asking him to ask me in a nice voice if he wants me to listen to him each and every time he did it when it was an attempt to get attention from me. I would tell him it hurts my ears when he screamed, but never did I show any annoyance at the behaviour. that would have been his cue to do it ALL the time, I know it lol.
Nowadays he says over and over "mummymummymummy' to get my attention while I am speaking to someone else and sometimes he turns my head with his hands so I look only at him. Most of the time I remind him that he needs to sy "excuse me" if I am speaking to someone else, but I still answer his question, or if he doesn't have one and it was just him wanting me to stop talking to the other person, then I tell him I won't be long , wind up the topic of conversation and then start speaking about something that can include him.

Perhaps you can include here in the conversations a little more, amybe asking her to help dad turn on the light etc, making it about her more for a few days, even over kill it a bit, esp if she is a bit tired/sick, given a few days without opportunity to scream she might forget the behaviour alotgether yk?

Angelsmum · #4 (**permalink**) 15-07-2007, 11:27 PM

Im not sure if this relates to what you are talking about but Emmie does this when we talk as well, and alot when the vacuum or blender is being used. She just sits there and yells over it all. I think she feels she is not centre of attention if something else is going on....I think involving Molly in the conversation a little here and there, will make her feel like she is still part of the conversation. I think removing her from the situation will just make things worse, and make her feel as though she is definetely not wanted to take part.
Hope things work out for you, it can be annoying,

bunty · #5 (**permalink**) 16-07-2007, 12:18 PM

Gee, what a tricky situation! I feel for you. Xander was a barger. Any time DH and I cuddled he would barge his way in and try to force us apart! And the little fists would start flying if we didn't separate. Somehow it seemed easier to deal with than screaming though

. I would probably try sitting down at her level and asking if she has something to say instead of screaming. Maybe she feels there is no other option? Maybe she really doesn't want you to have a conversation together?

. If I was feeling really over it I might initiate hide and seek and tell her to hide, then not find her for a while

. Perhaps I'm a bit mean...

AmyS · #6 (**permalink**) 16-07-2007, 05:54 PM

Gee Cherise, it sounds exactly like molly only without the noise!

Thanks everyone. I agree that putting her in her room and isolating her will probabl;y make it worse, and it really doesn't sit right with me. But we DO include her in the conversation. She gets soo much attention! Mostly one on one. But if mum and dad are talking we do ask her her opinion/ask her to help daddy with whatever it is. But sometime we are talking about things that concern just us, or that we can't ask her to help with.
Michelle, I did ignore it when it first started, but as it's escalated I've become more frustrated and she knows that it seruiously does bother me! So much for my idea of patience....

Kime, we did have the family cuddles but she's going through a 'no cuddles and kisses' phase at the moment.

So I am really out of ideas!