rude behaviour/ attitude

[rose]

im not sure if this is an age thing
seems lately everything i ask sofia (3yrs) to do get a "no" in a realy stroppy mannor it seems she's very aware that she is able to wind me and DH up, and does it on a very regular basis, also being really rude.

i also get fed up with her when she constantly snatches things away from bindi, even bindi's own things! and she has adopted this horrible screeching tone to her voice , screeching "no you cant have that!" and "no you cant feed bindi" at me. and "no you cant sit there" at anyone.... example, my friends bub was sitting on the floor playing with our ergo, sofia noticed and strutted over snatched it away and said no you cant have that!.....you get the message.

a friend suggested that maybe she feels she needs to have some control, i do give her plenty of choices, but not too many these days as that was causing problems

now im pretty sure someones going to tell me thats 3yr old behaviour!! or maybe not
but my question is what can i do here?

im feeling a little stretched-with them both being sick recently and being more demanding, so im not handling things too well
i dont think this attitude does not warrant the taking of toys, and currently im saying, thats rude... i dont like you talking like that...its ok for bindi to have xyz you concentrate on what you doing i'll parent bindi thankyou... and me getting totally annoyed when she screeches at me for breastfeeding, but ive tried saying bindi is hungry i need to feed her like i feed you when your hungry..yadda yadda.... doesnt seem to be working- do i just put up with this? or does anyone have any coping stratagies? tia

[hanabi]

Yep, it's pretty normal and it will pass with a little more maturity and awareness. Bear in mind that she's not doing it to 'push your buttons' though your sick-and-sleep-deprived self might feel that way sometimes. There are probably a lot of behaviours you can safely ignore, trusting that she'll get over them soon.

I wonder what 'rude' means to a three year old? We often expect kids to behave according to a set of un-clarified and un-specified 'rules' for interacting with others. How do we help them find their own sociable ways of relating without coming across like the omnipotent adult (which they know we are not)?

I think a great starting place is talking about 'feelings' and how certain communications make her, you and others feel. Consistently show your feelings to a three year old - since they don't really have the vocabulary or insight to understand what you're trying to communicate. Look sad, cry, gesticulate (eg, hand to chest, or face, or hug someone else who has had their feeings hurt) and say, 'That made me/her/so-and-so feel ***'. I think it's essential to be sincere and avoid all trickery. The clearer the message, the better understood it will be.

There may be other dynamics going on (jealousy of sibling, vying for your attention, assertion of control) that are hard to interpret in the written form but this is a good place to start.

[monstermon]

that sounds quite similar to my DS's behaviour (3.5yrs). He has been aggressive towards his 10 mth old sister, and lost of unco-operativeness... I'll be watching this thread with interest for ideas.

we've been trying the suggestiosn of Louise Porter (Children are People too) but I'm not sure they're working for us....

[kelli]

it sounds all too familiar. The thing that I have had to come to terms with is that most of it is a learnt behaviour and I have had to look at where they are learning it. i am now much more aware of how i speak and what I say.

For example, my kids started calling each other idiots and i hated it and pulled them up on it then I realised that I often mutter 'Idiot!' at other drivers when I am in the car. I can't very well tell the kids to stop saying it when they have learnt it from me. I stopped, the novelty wore off for them and they have stopped now too

eta that I am often getting told "I TOLD YOU I wanted cheese in my sandwich REMEMBER!' or something along those lines by Nienna. I realised too that I often say to her ".....................remember?"

[rose]

some good advice there than kyou jodie i actually tried explaining what rude means, its pretty hard to explain what a word means without just using other words that complicates things

i found a good couple of articles on an old link id saved to my favorites from mothering magazine that also helped. if i knew how to post a link i would, lol!

and DH and myself were only talking earlier about how we act around each other and what we are teaching our children without actually realising, its tough isnt it?... as i dont always ask DH really politly, i often shove the dog roughly off the sofa if shes in my way, and withoit taking in what we are mpdelling to our kids.
i should be more mindful.

[Rinelle]

Hmm, you just described Ezri exactly! (Except she doesn't have a sister, but she bosses DH and I around like that anyway.) I'm still working on the 'it will go away' principle, and keeping my fingers crossed.

Would love to see those links if you have them though? I could do with any help I could get.

[rose]

i'll try not sure if this will work
http://www.mothering.com/articles/gr...iscipline.html

sorry didnt work, i need to learn to copy and paste, lol

[Rinelle]

LOL. To copy, you highlight something and press the ctrl button and the letter C at the same time. To paste, you press ctrl and the letter p.

Of course, I can't talk, because I don't know how to make things turn into links....

[rose]

i just dont get it, sorry

[monstermon]

that's so funny... i found that mothering mag link yesterday too, in my thread browsing. lots of interesting articles... i think the link has changed though. try this one:
http://www.mothering.com/articles/gr...iscipline.html