Treating my son like an adult.

[Crystal Creek]

Well, hi guys I'm new here. I just really need some parenting advice.
I'm 17 years old and I have a 3 year old son (had him when I was 14).
I raise him up alone.
I treat him like an adult, meaning that I let him do whatever he wants(f.i: he sleeps whenever he wants, watch tv whenevr he wants etc.) and I don't really punish him or ground him.As I don't work we spend all the day together and we do whatever he wants. In general he's a very nice and quiet kid. I was just wondering if the fact that I have set no rules is bad. What should I do?

Thanks for taking time to read my post.

[la]

Have you really set NO rules? If he wants to hit you, or smear poo on the wall, or throw food around, do you allow it? Perhaps you do, or perhaps you have firm boundaries regarding the safety of yourself and others.

Parenting is always open to reflection and evolution. Are you instinctually feeling as he gets older the need to set firmer boundaries, to lift your expectations? I know as my kids grow older and understand more, they are capable of more and thus I ask them to contribute more towards the running of the household.

[Crystal Creek]

Originally Posted by la

Have you really set NO rules? If he wants to hit you, or smear poo on the wall, or throw food around, do you allow it? Perhaps you do, or perhaps you have firm boundaries regarding the safety of yourself and others.

Parenting is always open to reflection and evolution. Are you instinctually feeling as he gets older the need to set firmer boundaries, to lift your expectations?

The thing is that he has never done such things so I never really had to set rules because he had done something really bad.

When I ask him to do sth, even sth simple he does it without having to push him or shout at him.

The thing is that it seems like his friends have to follow certain rules whereas he can do whatever he wants.

[kime]

Hi Crystal Creek,
Is there a reason why you are doubting your way of parenting? Does talking with other people who know your son help?
We tend to show our children what we think is important to know about the world. For me, I do set rules as I believe it is part of the bigger picture to have to live within laws in life etc. But I also try to model respect and love for other people.

[Crystal Creek]

^ Kime,
To tell you the truth, I am not very confident in general. Whenever I meet my son's friends with their parents, I feel awkward. The other parents are all older than me and I always wonder if I am a good mother. The other parents seem to yell all the time at their children. I never do that.
Another thing is that as a kid, I was raised up by my older brother so I don't really have a good parenting model as my brother let me do whatever I wanted since I was 9.
That's why I'm so confused.
Lucy.

[kime]

Lucy,
I can understand that you may feel awkward, but every-one has their own experiences and ideas to bring to their parenting. You can only do what you think is best for your son. If you have the patience for books there are some good ones with some different ideas in the library. One that comes to mind is 'raising boys' by Steve Biddulph (not sure of the spelling). But better still would be some support for you and your son. Is there some-one on the sidelines who could be there for you?

[KristinC]

If he's not really doing anything wrong and the other parents have to yell at their kids to "make" them behave, I think you must be doing an ok job!
What does the day look like for you? What kind of things do you and your son like doing together?

[Crystal Creek]

Originally Posted by KristinC

If he's not really doing anything wrong and the other parents have to yell at their kids to "make" them behave, I think you must be doing an ok job!
What does the day look like for you? What kind of things do you and your son like doing together?

^Well, I wake up around 7.00am. I start doing the housework and I usually finish after an hour.By that time Aaron usually wakes up. I bath him and then I put his clothes on my bed and tell him to choose whatever he wants to wera. Then he eats breakfast and then we lie together on the couch I hug him and hold him and we watch together Spongebeob for about an hour. Then we play sth like football. He usually gets tired after two hours. Then we go to the park where he rides his tiny bike (it's not exactly a bike but sth like one) and plays with other kids sometimes. Then we got ot tesco and it's pretty fun because he likes going there.
Later on we eat lunch and then he takes a nap or if he doesn't want to I read him tales.
Later we go shopping or sometimes at the zoo or at the amusement park or we just go for a walk. Then we go to my brother's house have dinner with him, my brother plays a lot with him and then if he's been a good boy I reward him with a candy or sth like that. Before going to bed I hug him and I sing to him or we sort of dance. Then I put him to sleep.

Kime: I think I''ll borrow the book you suggested or even buy it. Well my brother helps me sometimes. At leats he financially supports me.

[Nyree]

Yes - check this sub-forum for book recommendations. Sounds like things are working for you pretty well, but there can be a fine line between "permissive parenting" where there are no boundaries & "authoritative parenting" where you guide the child's natural instincts in a positive direction.

Parenting For a Peaceful World by Robin Grille is a good book. A bit heavy-going in parts and not really an instruction manual per se, but a good look at different parenting styles across history & the results of those styles, both good & bad.

It seems to me that you have the most important thing - love for your child & the desire to do the best for them. Keep up the good work & enjoy learning along the way.

[~Harmony~]

Hi there I think it's wonderful that you never have to shout at your son, it sounds lovely I've recently been reading about a lifestyle/education philosophy called unschooling, which some parents also extend to all of their child's life. It involves giving the child autonomy and the right to direct their own lives, within the boundaries of safety, including what and when to eat, when and where to sleep, what to study (when they're ready to learn) and how to get knowledge. It's very interesting to me, and you might like to search for some sites and read about other's experiences raising their children this way, just google unschooling

I was just curious to ask if you do anything for yourself, for fun, or learning, or anything like that? I go crazy if all I do all day is housework and looking after the kids

I don't think any parent has a full set of "the rules" when their child is small, issues just get dealt with as they come up, you may find as he gets older that there will be times when things may become problems for one or the other of you, but I think the gentle, kind introduction to life you've given him thus far will go a long way to smoothing out those times for you