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[chale]

I am new to this forum but I would like to think that I have been practising np with my dd who will be 3 at the end of next month. The only problem is while she has always been highly emotional things are becoming increasingly difficult. She has magor tantrums, where she kicks, hits and sometimes bites me. Last night I ended up in tears after she slapped me in the face twice. (she did't just hit me in the process of flailing her arms around either they were delibrate) THe tantrums are usually abpout not wanting to go to bed, wanting to get up out of bed in the middle of the night and wanting a breast feed (I am still breastfeeding her which I am fine with but she would feed all night if she could which I am not so fine with) She is only violent with me, when I asked what she was like at daycare I was told that she was they most empathetic in her age group and when another child is hurt or scared she is always the first to comfort them. I really don't know what to do and while I am determined not to smack, shame or punish her for this behaviour the only advice I am getting is people telling me to do just that, whic just makes me feel worse.

I have some ideas about why she is behaving like she is, I am a single mother and there have been nights were it has been so bad that I have let her get up and play becuase it was a choice of do that or lose the plot myself, I have recently started seeing someone for the first time since her father and I broke up (when she was 2 months) and while she likes him it is a big adjustment, her life has not been the most stable as we have moved quite a bit the last time being a month ago and lastly this year I started full time study at uni (which I cannot drop to part time as I can only get by financially with my scholorship which I would lose if I wasn't fulltime).

I know this is a really big post and I am asking a lot but I really do not know what I can do to curb her tantrums and her waking at night demanding a feed. I really am at my wits end, I can't even remember when I last had a decent sleep, and I am out of ideas as to what to do. The semester is nearly over, thankfully, and I would like to spend my month off at home trying to impliment any changes that I need to make in to improve how things are at the moment with my dd. Any advice would be welcomed as I really am at a loss as to what to do.

[jarrahsmumma]

I think the answers are in your post there..alot of upheval in your life at the moment.

I have not been in the same position as you, so don know any practical tips. When my son (2 1/2yr) becomes aggressive, i take him into his room and sit him n the bed, i kneal beside him, so i am at eye level with him. I say what i did not like about his behaviour and what effect it had...so "Jarrah I dont want you throwing toys at my head. It will hurt me and then Mummy will be sad."

Take each day as it comes and do what you feel is right.

[~*Nile*~]

I would use the empathy she has to reason with her. Like Natalie said, I would communicate to her that it hurts mummy when she hits and it makes you very sad. Going thru much the same here with my soon to be 3 yo.

[chale]

Thanks for the advice. I have been v. busy and havent had a chance to reply yet but I have kept the suggestions in mind. When I am relaxed and able to look at whats happening logically it is very clear, I know why she is acting this way and I know what i need to do to change things but when she is up screaming at 3 in the morning and I have an assignement due the next day that isnt finished i seem to forget that it is not the end of the world and that we can work through it.

Thanks again for the advice, I guess I just needed to be reminded that I do actually know what to do. It is also easy to start to question urself when the results aren't obvious which makes a forum like this where there are other parents who believe in np, even if it doesn't get instant results (but hey what does?), that I can talk to.

BTW I am actually seriously starting to believe that Rylie can tell when I have an exam or assignment due cos she always has a bad night right before. She probably pickes up on my stress levels or something.

[Bronnie]

another option is diet. www.fedup.com.au may be one place to read about how particular chemicals in our foods can affect many things, including our sleep (the chemicals are naturally in foods, not necessarily added ones)

[Apprentice]

I know what you mean about them picking up on stress levels!

I hope you are able to relax and work things out during your break. When things start to get a bit hard to handle with my little cherubs we have a tickle break!

[chale]

Thanks Bronnie, I'm defiently going to check that site out. I have been woried about added things in her food (refined sugur, preservities etc) especially as of late more and more food containings those things seem to be creeping into our diet (limited time, no freezer at the mo to make food in bulk and freeze it, which is what i used to do to get by) but just thinking about nasties occuring naturally in food too is scary.

On the most part she is a lovely girl and I think the biggest thing is that unfortantly her whole life has been unpredictable.
She was born into an abusive relationship and I am ashamed to admit that at only weeks old she was subject to verbal abuse (from her father) that not even an adult would have been uneffected by. I usually try not to think about how these events would factor into what is happening now but Im sure that it plays a part.

Last night I tried just making sleep a more pleasent exerperience but having a big talk to her about all the nice things that she could dream about when she fell alseep (pink cats were her favourite) and it had some success. She still took a while to fall asleep and woke a lot during the night but she didn't fight falling asleep like she normally does.

Thanks too Apprentice, I am defiently going to try to spend my break trying to reduce both our stress levels.