Deliberately ignorning me?

[Rinelle]

Ezri has taken to deliberately doing what I ask her not to do. The night before last, she kept insisting on climbing over the arm of the lounge chair. Both DH and I asked her not to, explaining that she might fall and hurt herself (the floor is concrete, so not good), and she kept doing it. I removed her, and she'd do it again. It got to the point where deliberately trying to do it, knowing that we didn't want her to, and laughing like crazy about it. She just did the same thing to me this morning with wiping her dirty hands on the lounge chair. Argh!

Any advice or suggestions on what I can do in these situations? I know she's tired, but she won't sleep, so I don't know what I can do about that either?

[GreenGully]

Arrgh I feel your pain! Defiance is the flavour of the week over here too.
Yesterday it was piuring old juice on the floor when I asked him to put it dwon cos it was yukky. He was delighted. Ignoring it is the best tactic, and if I can't (if its dangerous) being straightforward about why he can't and removing him and letting him have a cry (with the offer of cuddle /boobie when he wants). Though the crying sometimes lasts for ages, lately, especially if he is tired.
This too will pass

Live through it? It happens here too then the next week it's something else. She'll stop and probably sooner if you don't draw attention to it. They all do it, quite normal, and that's climbing as well as doing it regardless of how you feel about it. It's hardly aberrant behaviour!

[Heartwood]

It comes down to being a safety issue though Janet. Obviously if it were just for fun it wouldn't be a problem.

Why am I bothering to comment- because some of you may remember Bonnie fell off the couch doing exactly the same thing and broke her collarbone a few months back. We had tried everything and had started the "ignoring" phase.

[mammadyl]

I don't know that I can add much....it does pass...

I too have found ignoring their ignoring you often works best, as does as Michelle said instant removal if it is unignorable (a safety issue)...

What has worked with ds as well has been the next time he asks me to do something for him, is to ignore him. And ignore him (you will know how long to do it for at the time) and then he generally gets frustrated that I haven't listened which then has given me the chance to explain to him why I did what he did, ask him if he liked it (NO!!!) and then remind him if needed when he is next ignoring me how he felt when I ignored him....hope that made sense!!!

Don't you think that's just modelling the behaviour you don't want your child to exhibit? Just like smacking to show smacking is wrong? I can't see how that would work, I'm afraid. I model the behaviours I want my son to engage in and that doesn't include ignoring anyone, ever. I couldn't ignore my child asking for something any more than I could ignore my partner asking for something.

[~Harmony~]

When Hannah went through her jumping on our bed phase, I did the drag-her-off-every-time thing for a while, then kinda gave up, but every time she did it, I reminded her that one day she'd fall off and get hurt, so not quite ignoring but not physically restraining her...one day she did fall and get a bump on the noggin, and she's never, ever jumped on a bed since. I guess I was lucky that she didn't get seriously hurt, I really didn't know what else to do. I think if the floor had been concrete though, I wouldn't have let her keep doing it, as the consequences would have been more catastrophic, YK?

Hugs Tamara

[GreenGully]

I don't ignore him, I just don't give him a huge reaction to the behaviour, or let him know its bugging me cos he really feeds on that lately. I also do what Nikki said and remind him of the consequences of what he is doing, cos I do want him to learn why he shouldn't do things, not jsut cos I say so. (If you keep banging on my computer screen with that rock it will break, and I will be sad and there will be sharp glass on the floor and soemone could hurt themselves), and leave it at that. Gives him something to think about and he usually stops. I also say to him over and over, calmly and firmly "I am asking you to stop please" which he gets because he know that he needs to ask other people to stop when they do thing he doesn't like. If it work I usually only have to say it two or three times.

[GreenGully]

I just re read taht post and I know it makes no sense. I will rewrite it in the morning lol when I am not so tired! I know what I mean...

[Lysianna]

Devils advocate here BUT.......
Risky behaviour does not always guarantee an injury. From birth onwards its a childs main task to become aware of their own bodies and what they are capable of. Hence the common climbing obsession so many of our youngsters go through. We dont stop them from all the little lead up behaviours to crawling (rocking on all 4s, sometimes faceplants) and walking (pulling up on furniture, reaching out to the next piece when cruising) because we know how essential those activities are to their development. We wouldnt dream of saying "Now Ive asked you to STOP trying to walk, you'll end up tripping over and twisting your ankle"
Insane obviously, but from the childs perspective, they are just carrying on with their pre-programmed development. Constant "suggestions" of what might happen, will usually lead to the 'warned about' outcome. The child has no intention of falling or getting hurt, they are focussed on achieving a successful climb. For us to doubt them by basically saying we *know* they will fail (ie. fall get hurt) we show a lack of trust in them, this inevitably leads to them proving us right (actually getting hurt) Self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well thats my take on it and it works around here, very few accidents and very active toddler who is confident in his body's abilities.