Meal time behaviour

Poppysmama · #1 (**permalink**) 13-05-2007, 01:19 AM

Hiya folks
Just quickly, when do you think I could expect that Poppy would be capable of "behaving" at the dinner table? Ie, not crawl all over it (at any time, not just meal times), and during meal times get off her chair the whole time, stand up on her chair, push her plate around the table, refuse to eat unless I feed her, feet on the table - you know, just stuff that really winds me up, especially at the end of the day!

I don't think this is an attention seeking thing, she gets so much attention and is definitely not wanting in that area. But this has become her "thing" with me. It absolutely winds me up, obviously now she knows this. I'm not actually convinced that the wind-up factor is the main reason for the behaviour. But I would really like it to change. She absolutely understands "no", it is definitely a level of defiance.

How do you explain the concept of "polite"?? Because essentially, that is the reason behind the requirement. Apart from the walking on the table, which also has the element of danger. At the end of the day, Poppy really can't see the reason behind the "no" and I don't know how to explain such an abstract concept.

Will this, too, pass?????!! Can I maintain my sanity in the meantime???

Thanks, Vicki

sahras mum · #2 (**permalink**) 13-05-2007, 07:46 AM

Looks like your daughter is a year younger than mine and we still have a long way to go!!

I don't let Sahra sit or stand on the table now, that is the one rule.

She can eat on my lap, daddy's lap, hop on/off her chair, be fed like 'pup' on the floor...

She usually will sit and eat for a couple of minutes and then be off. I find it useless to impose any other restrictions and unrealistic.

But that is just her. Maybe another years time?

kelli · #3 (**permalink**) 13-05-2007, 10:28 AM

my kids have been taught from early on taht chairs are for sitting on and floors for standing. I don't know if it is because they have pretty much been allowed to feed themselves from the start that they are really very 'good' at the table or if it is because I am just lucky with this

´*~·Meje·~*` · #4 (**permalink**) 13-05-2007, 11:13 AM

Same here Kelli. Its been a rule since they were little and Ive never allowed them to climb on the table etc, so never had to go 'backwards' and then expect them to not do it. Its always been sit on the chair or leave the table. I explain that its ok to need to move around and climb on things, but they will need to go and do it somewhere else. If they want to be at the table with us, then its sit on your chair.

Maybe take the focus off 'no' and talk about how the new rule for sitting at the table, is to sit on your chair and no climbing on the table. So rather than trying to get her to understand the reason behind the action, just inforce the action. 'chairs are for sitting on' 'sitting quietly at the table' 'want to climb, leave the table and climb on the....' etc. The understanding for the reason behind it will come later.

liamsmum02 · #5 (**permalink**) 13-05-2007, 11:19 AM

Yeah I agree with Mel.

Instead of just saying "No climbing on the table" - take her off the table and say "Sit on your chair please". Might have to do this a lot but she'll get the gist of it pretty quickly and what you want her to do.

Liam is turning 5 in August and we still have to feed him!

So that one might take a while!!

With Ewan our problem is him playing with his food, throwing it around etc - what we do is take his plate away if he keeps doing it. He is pretty good now and doesn't do it so much - usually only when he's had enough to eat.

Jamie · #6 (**permalink**) 13-05-2007, 11:32 AM

Getting up on the table is a big no-no in our house, too. Partly because it is glass-topped and I nearly have a heart attack when they get up on it!

Sam is about 6 months older than your DD and I find that I have trouble getting him to stay sitting at the table until dinner is finished. He likes to get up and play after about 5 mins. It's something we are slowly working on.
Even though he has had a huge number of opportunities to learn to feed himself he seems to prefer to be fed. So, I get him to work on feeding himself (which he often does just with his hands) while i eat my dinner and when I'm done I try to get him back to the table and feed him some myself.
He does stand up on his chair quite a bit, still, even though we always pull him up for it. And he has also had a few falls but it hasn't stopped him.
I think they are probably too young to understand polite. I'm working on polite with my 4yo ATM.
HTH

bunty · #7 (**permalink**) 13-05-2007, 01:50 PM

When I find out I will let you know. Mine still scramble across the table and stand on chairs. Ethan physically doesn't seem to be able to sit to eat even a snack. Mine are 7 and 5. Restaurants are out for us these days as we don't know what they will do next.

Poppysmama · #8 (**permalink**) 16-05-2007, 01:18 AM

Thanks girls. The meal time thing is definitely an issue - although I always find it easier to have dinner with her when her Dad's not home, so I think it probably does have a lot to do with attention seeking. As much as we try, Dom and I do get caught up in talking to each other at dinner and I think Poppy feels left out. BUT - she will still climb anyway.

And it's not only at dinner time, it can be any random time of day that she will suddenly take it into her head to climb on the table.

I've really really really tried to make sure this has always been a big fat NO, so it's not for lack of trying that this has happened.

Do you think Poppy is too young for a "time out" type of arrangement? Ie putting her in a room (happens to be a bedroom but I am adamant that it will never be her own room she is sent to as "punishment" - if your room can't be your sanctuary, where is??) for a short (like 30 seconds) span of time as a result of inappropriate behaviour? I know that she hates it when I walk out on her when I'm trying to get her ready for bed so I think this action would be quite impressive on her. I must admit I did actually try it out today just to see and she was very upset (she was in there with the door shut for absolutely no more than 30 secs) and quite remorseful afterwards. And we got through dinner without any more climbing, although I had to remind her of what could happen a couple of times. BTW, the climbing went ahead this evening although only I was home with her, so there goes the attention theory.

But then...she was climbing up the edge of the bath later and I reminded her of the room again. No no, she says. Then...I want to go in the room... You only go in there when you do something I ask you not to. So, she starts climbing up the edge of the bath saying "I want to go in the room".

Bloody bugger. What do you think?

justincredible · #9 (**permalink**) 16-05-2007, 01:37 AM

we have a small table and chairs for the boys and when they eat, they eat there, and i sit with them.
if they do sit at the big table they know they have to sit or leave, there is no option.

i personally don't believe that time out teaches a child anything.

is there a chance u can create a "meal eating space" that is more on her level, closer to the floor... even if it means cushions at the coffee table?