'Naughty'

[Meridith]

Now - DD has not picked this up at home, and I strongly doubt it is something from daycare (as they are very anti 'no' and 'bad' and 'naughty' etc for same reasons as we are) and I do have my suspicions as to where it comes from but...what do I do?

We have 'naughty chair/book/toy', when something happens (like putting her plate on the wrong side of the bench and then realising) DD (28mo) berates herself and says she's 'naughty', DH and myself get told we're 'naughty' or 'bad daddy/mummy'. I try really hard not to react in a most defeated fashion, but it's how I feel, we've worked really hard to reprogram how we think and speak...and to think it is undone so quickly!

Do we limit/cut off contact with family we suspect behaviour is learned from (who I would have called AP and who DD adores)?

Do we just completely ignore it and (hope) it will pass?

All that hard work.

[Angelsmum]

I definetely wouldnt ignore it "naughty" is a hate word of ours!!!!! I think you should discuss this with whomever you think it is, otherwise it will continue. I have already discussed this with my family, so they know.

[Meridith]

Thing is, I have discussed it. I have talked about my philosophy/approach ad nauseum, and the parent seems to get it (though her language around my DD doesn't suggest that she really does) but it's the children, one who has done babysitting for us in the past and still does about once a month - oh and someone who my DD absolutely adores. I'm torn.

Actually, I feel really uncomfortable with confronting (a mother of 5) on this one and not even sure where to start.

[´*~·Meje·~*`]

All the work is not undone. I believe that although children pick up stuff from others, its the things at home (ie: in the majority of their life) that helps to develop that core belief system/set of values.

It could very well be from daycare, even if the carers dont use it alot of the parents probably using at home! and the children use it in their play.

I tend to explain why I/we dont use those words. Of course my 2.5 yr old doesnt completly understand what Im talking about, but his understanding will come with age as I continue to explain why I/We dont use that term.

[Meridith]

It could very well be from daycare, even if the carers dont use it alot of the parents probably using at home! and the children use it in their play.

Yes, I thought about this. But in observing DD in her imaginative play she repeats some of the very phrases I hear being used at our friends house - or by the girl who has babysat for us, hense why I am tending to think it isn't (just) daycare.

[Lavender]

Oh I hear you! That word has penetrated our house too! At the moment DS only labels TV and Computer games as naughty, but I heard my MIL using it for behaviour several times over the weekend. We don't really have open communication lines, so I tried to step in and rephrase her sentences for her to direct DS to the correct behaviour. It seemed to have no affect.

[´*~·Meje·~*`]

You posted again while I was typing

You cant avoid it, all this and more is everywhere. Its unrealistic to hope you can keep your child/ren from outside influences. The best you can do is arm them with the power to understand what it means, why people use these words, teach the alternatives and instill a postive strong set of values.

This applies to everything! not just the word naughty etc.

I have the same problem with my mum and family, who use the wrod naughty, I can explain it untill the cows come home, and the agree with me too! But changing such deeply ingrained habits can be very hard. So I do the best I can to work on where it where I can - here.

[Lavender]

You know that really helps Mel. I have also been upset about DS violent play and recent obsession to killing things (again his MIL and him spent the afternoon killing ants, eventhough I asked her not to, she just shrugged and said "but they are just ants" grrrr)
Your right, the outside world will influence him less than I will Thanks Mel!

[Meridith]

You cant avoid it, all this and more is everywhere. Its unrealistic to hope you can keep your child/ren from outside influences. The best you can do is arm them with the power to understand what it means, why people use these words, teach the alternatives and instill a postive strong set of values.

ITA - which is part of why I don't want to cut of contact with families with different philosphies etc. It just hurts, I suppose, seeing how easily and invasive some of this stuff is.

So...would you mind giving some examples of what you would say to your 2.5 yo?

I ignore when possible, model other behaviours without mentioning whatever word or phrase is bothering me, sometimes I talk about how we're going to empathise or sympathise with X because they're sad/crying/whatever. Conor learnt "shut up" I'd rather hear him swear like mummy's little trouper than say that... I figure it will slough off over time as it doesn't get reinforced by me paying too much attention to it. Sometimes I talk about how words are a way we show people we love them so let's talk lovingly to X. Sounds very cryptic written down, hope it makes sense to you