Our little boy is hitting

[2shinyboys]

Long time since posting- flat out studying but we have reached the end of our tether!

My DH and I have just been trying to find a solution to our 2yo's hitting habit.

It happens when we are playing with him, he can be perfectly happy and then suddenly switch and give you a smack. He smacks us, the dog and his brother. We tried the chair but too hard to keep him on while consoling a baby has just been hit. We have moved to the next level of putting him in his room. Nothing serves as a deterent. We warn him once and the if he does it again, it is straight off to the room. While carrying him to his room he sometimes smacks the face - today I responded with a slap on the arm. It is just so frustrating, trying all we know but having nothing work.

I just don't know what his motivation is - he can be perfectly happy and then not do it. He is not speaking yet - he has his own language - maybe that is a source of frustration.

We just want a gentle way of putting an end to this!!

Any ideas - is it a common phase? should I buy him a punching bag ?

Look forward to the advice!

[GreenGully]

It is common/normal. I found that giving the behaviour little acknowledgement other that an even toned, "we don't hit, it hurts" helped. Or pointing out how upset the little one is might help. Sometimes if it was excessive I would resort to removing myself from the situation, leaving the room, saying "I don't want you to hurt me". The time out or the room thing I don't think serves any purpose really. I tried taking jack into his room and having a talk about it but it didn't really help much. I encourage but do not force saying sorry. Its more like helping him think of something to make me feel better, just like when he gets hurt I give him a cuddle or say sorry if its my fault. Actually its quite funny, he's recently started saying "sorry mummy, I didn't mean to, it was an accident", when appropriate. I try hard to model respectful behaviour to him ( I don't alway succeed though I am certain).
Hopefully as me gets more sophisticated with his language he will calm down. Best of luck, its hard when our little ones turn violent!

[Wilma]

HUGE HUGS i could have written your post a few months ago. Jack still hits but i know now its out of frustration and i work with him all the time to help him comunicate in a different way. My babes are stirring so i had better run but juts wanted to add my 2c worth, and it might help to give him other ways of dealing with his frustration, we sometimes play a yelling at each other game when it all gets a bit much good luck sorting it

[~Harmony~]

I understand the impulse to hit back, but it's been proven that it doesn't work, worse, only models the exact behaviour you don't want from them

Years ago an older friend hung up a beanbag for her son to thump when he wanted to punch someone, it worked quite well, I think he may have been 3 though...

We take a similar approach to Michelle, just repeatedly explaining why we don't hit and if she persists, removing ourselves from her immediate vicinity.

It is very frustrating, but take heart, verbalisation is just around the corner

[Xine]

As soon as I saw your DS was 2 I went -ahhhhhh. I have alot of sympathy for 2 year olds - there is alot of issues happening within them (I probably let my 2yo get away with way too much because 'he's 2".

You're right...he is probably hitting because he can't use words to express his feelings. We put our DS in his room which works for us but it doesn't sound like it does for you.
Other things I have read or heard are:
-dont' give him attention when he hits - focus on the injured party and ignore him even if it is DH or the dog etc
- show him that it hurts when he hits by frowning and acting sad.
- if you are playing or he is sitting on you etc put him down and away from you straight away so he is being 'rejected' when he exhibits that behaivour (feels awful I know).

My Mum sent me an article about 6 months or so(I wish I had kept it) which reported a study which found kids are the most violent between ages 2 and 4 and depending on the way parents handled it corresponded with the amount of violence they exhibited as teens. The relieving thing was that as long as parents were simply teaching their toddlers that the violence wasn't ok they showed no sign of having increased violent activity in adolesence - regardless of how violent they had been as toddlers.
So, according to this your DS won't grow up to be a bully and the fact that you are even concerned about it is enough to prevent it happening. Also, he is very normal and it is part of his development.

Good luck - 2 year olds can be really frustrating at times (but you've gotta love em!!).

[2shinyboys]

Thanks for all the tips, also read some of the others that were up on different threads - if I ahdn't been feeling so wound up I might have taken the time to see that there are loads on here already with similar situations!

All things hitting aside he is a wonderful 2 year old and the hitting thing is our only issue (for now).....and he is heaps happier since we left brisbane for armidale - probably because his Mum and Dad are heaps happier

Anyway, these past few days I have been ignoring his hitting when I can, or focusing on the injured party and the hitting does seem to be happening less.

I think maybe 2 year olds conduct their own little social experiments to see how people react......and hitting someone gets a pretty profound reaction!......

He was eating dinner tonight and Rocky was pestering him....he started getting cross and then remembered not too and just told him to go to bed!

and totally unrelated to the subject but very cute....he was sticking his toes up from under the high chair tray and saying 'boo' to them!

So thanks for all the advice - the ignoring one seems to be working the best - I tried the tickling thing but wasn't sure if that would get him hitting so he would get a tickle

[~*Nile*~]

We find teaching empathy really works. DD ( who is 2.5) will sometimes hit, but more when she's playing and going overboard, rather than out of frustration. We tell her "that hurt Mummy/Daddy" and give her a sad face. 9 times out of 10 she will say "I'm sorry Mummy" and give me a cuddle. The hitting usually ends there.