Aggressive Toddler

[Amanda.R]

I am a first time parent would love some suggestions on dealing with my 22 month old sons behaviour. He is constantly hurting me pulling my hair throwing things at me pinching, biting, hitting, I seem to always have bruises, scratches and bite marks on me. Some of this I believe to be out of frustration as he is not speaking in sentences yet.but the rest of the time it seems he thinks it is funny and when i tell him i dont like it & it hurts me he laughs and does it even more. I've tried ignoring it (not easy) and walking of on him as well but this seems to have no impact. When he throes his food (or anything else for that matter) I take it of him, explaining why, but he dosn't seem to care or he hits me and finds something else to throw. It's not just me, he does this to other children as well, I have sent one of his freinds(who is bigger) home covered in scratches and with a bite mark when he came to play. He pushed him of the top of playground platform the other day (luckily he saved himself before completely going over the edge), he could have been seriously injured. I am really concerned he is going to hurt another child badly. I havn't tried time out until yesterday as I read somewhere it should not be used in children under 2, and that it teaches children to retreat and deal with their problems alone. I have now put a portacot in the loungeroom to give this a try because I don't know what else to do.I don't know what a logical consequence for hurting someone would be (as I don't want to hurt him back). Please help!

[Emmandcasp]

Have you read the Fed up books by sue dengate? She also has a website- her stuff is about food and behaviour.
Some other good books that you could get at the library that discuss behaviour and dicipline:
Louise porter - children are people too
Sears- the dicipline book

Both these are gentle guidence not the toddler taming crap.
I hope things ease up soon.

[mattiesmum]

Yes this is normal behaviour! Typical toddler experimenting with your reaction. He laughs because he doesn't really understand "hurting" you. It's all a game... they learn through play, there is no malice in it, so never take it personally. We went through this stage with DS with him thinking it was really funny to pull on my hair, even swing off it ( It really hurt!!!) He will grow out of it but I found two things seemed to help. One was if we saw another child or adult upset for whatever reason I would draw his attention to it eg: "Oh look Matt that little girl is upset, angry or sad ...whatever was appropriate..By drawing attention to others and their "feelings" he became more aware. Also when he does it to you quickly turn it into a game ie: "We don't hit each other we.. (pause for exciting effect).tickle/giggle/jump !!! Roll him around on the ground or have a bit of gentle roughhousing on the bed ;chase him around the house etc. Allow him to expend some of that energy, he could just be trying to up your play to the next level. Also being a little bit "bored" with the hitting etc worked too. Saying in a very bored neutral voice "No we don't hit"etc then being really animated and interested in other forms of play.
It does pass, hang in there!

[Amanda.R]

Thanks emma will check out these books. I dont think its diet related though, at least I hope not as he is already on a gluten, dairy,cane sugar and preservative free diet!
Thanks matties mum, I was hoping someone would tell me it is normal. how long did it last for you, he has been doing this since he was about 1 and it has just got worse, he knows how to be gentle, he strokes and says aahh. I have been doing what you've mentioned, I do find he is much worse when his dads away (maybe because im not real good at the rough play he gets from him!.

[GreenGully]

My boy still does this when he feels like it, mostly if he is tired or bored. He speaks in long sentences (like 15 or so words at a time), and I think it has become a game to push my buttons to tell me something he still can't find the words for, which is "I am feeling insecure/emotional/grumpy/bored/unstimulated" and usually some real effort on my part to either get him tired enough to fall asleep easily or a special activity to divert him (like painting or cooking or going to the park) helps. What mattiesmum said was gold, definitely trying to not take it personally makes a huge difference, also not worrying about whether you have a little psycho in the making helps too! (I have wondered about mine in the past). It really is normal, but there are things you can do to get through the worst of it a little less exhausted.