Biting Bully Baby

emd · #1 (**permalink**) 29-01-2007, 07:52 PM

Help! Jools is the Baby's Room Bully at her childcare centre!

Jools (aged 16mths) has been biting for a few months now. It's not a teething issue - it doesn't coincide with any tooth action. It always occurs when there's a dispute over toys, or if another child is aggressive towards her.

At home, we say "no" and separate her from Sophia (aged 2.5y). We give Sophia a cuddle to soothe the hurt and show Jools that we don't like violence. This is effective on Jools, but the frequency of her attacks are changing Sophia's behaviour. Sophia will now bite herself to get our attention!

We're also trying to help her learn words to react to toy-stealing eg "No" or "Stop".

At childcare, they say "no" and separate her from the other babies. But the frequency of attacks mean a childcare worker needs to sit next to Jools when she's near other children, because she WILL try to bite. They are going to start keeping a chart of when/how she attacks to try and detect a pattern, and to show the parents of her victims that they're not ignoring the problem.

I am very sad that other children are being hurt by Jools, and that Sophia is developing new issues as a result. I refuse to "bite her back". I don't want to put her in another room for time-out like I would with an older child, but what else can I do?

lizlea · #2 (**permalink**) 29-01-2007, 07:56 PM

I could have written that 9 years ago

only I actually worked in the centre Ashleigh was biting in - it was VERY embarrassing. Definitely don't bite her back. It is very common and the best advice I can say is "this too will pass......." I'm sorry for Sophia though, she is not quite old enough to understand, hopefully she will learn to get out of the way fast enough. repeat after me this too will pass, this too will pass.........

Merlion · #3 (**permalink**) 29-01-2007, 08:17 PM

Hugs to you Em. Thank God Jess doesn't bite but my friends little girl who's 3 months younger than Jess uses it as self-defense mechanism to her older cousins who bully her. She bit Jessica a month back as Jessica was playing with a toy (it was Jessica's as well) that she wanted and Jessica wouldn't let her play with it.

Jess started crying and it took a lot of bribery on my part to calm Jess down. Lisa my friend has tried everything to stop her from bitting and hasn't found any solution either so I will be here keeping an ear out of ways to stop bitting

Lavender · #4 (**permalink**) 30-01-2007, 07:34 AM

I am having this problem with Aimee, although not in a childcare environment. I am at a loss as to what to do. Usually I say 'No biting" over and over again and hold my hand up in the stop signal to her. A couple of times I have put her on the thinking chair

but that is more for her older brothers sake than to teach her anything.
Yesterday she gave him a good nip in the shower. He really screamed and cried and I cuddled him. After a while I could see real remorse on her face and concern for him, so she started trying to tickle him and then she kissed him. Maybe the point is getting across. I think the confined space of the shower helped though as she couldn't escape the noise.
I will watch this thread with interest.
this too will pass, this too will pass

bunty · #5 (**permalink**) 30-01-2007, 09:32 AM

Biting is just like any other thing a toddler does. To toddlers it's no different to any other weapon in their arsenal - hitting, headbutting, kicking, scratching. To parents it seems base and animal-like, because as adults we sometimes hit or kick but we seldom bite. We seem to draw the line there. So Julia's biting it quite normal, and just an exploration of her world and the others in it. It is also a fantastically fast way to get what she wants, smart little girl

. It will pass eventually, and until then all that the carers can do is keep a close eye on her and intervene before a bite takes place. Of course this can be really tricky. Xander has always chosen biting over anything else, but has only ever bitten his brother.

I don't think something like time-out would work, especially on someone so young where it would be pointless. My thoughts are that a close watch is what is best, and she will move on from biting soon.

spiralgirl · #6 (**permalink**) 30-01-2007, 10:38 AM

i know a biter - but she is biting out of love ( when she kisses) - harder to deal with that as she isnt meaning to hurt!

emd · #7 (**permalink**) 30-01-2007, 10:46 AM

Thinking back, I'm wondering if I unknowingly taught her to bite. She really started when she began to self-wean. If I persisted in offering the boob after she'd screamed at me and pushed me away, she would bite it. And of course got a big reaction from me - I put her down and didn't offer again. That started about two or three months ago. But I really didn't think 14 months was old enough to self-wean. Everyone else who feeds til self-weaning here seems to go on for years.

bunty · #8 (**permalink**) 30-01-2007, 11:56 AM

OT, but Ethan self-weaned at 13 months. He would bite too (but only ever bit my boob, nothing else!).

emma · #9 (**permalink**) 30-01-2007, 12:09 PM

I think biting or similar is very common for toddlers. Something that worked for Jet was to redirected him by saying X only likes kisses and cuddles.

It is horrible when you know a sibling is being effected, i've struggled with this too.