Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

[finnsdad]

Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

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Hi, This is my first thread on this site. My first child (a boy) is due in about 3 months. I have read some books for expectant dads and i get the impression that the authors key audience are all beer swilling footy loving blokes. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a beer but i have never had any interest in sport of any kind. The thought of spending a day watching sport bores me to tears. I am generally an active person with heaps of energy. I like Music, Art, Film and outdoor activities like hiking/ camping etc. Not liking sports (especially football) has always been a problem for me. As a kid in a soccer mad town I was instantly dismissed as girlie or gay whenever my school mates would talk about "the match". I had very few friends as a kid and even today when I meet new people my lack of sporting knowledge is a problem. I feel i know first hand how hurtful it is to be left out and can't bare the thought of this happening to my son. For him I will get involved in sport and even try to enjoy it but is this right? Can a boy be raised to like more than just sport? Or is it better for him socially to be one of the boys? I know what sport lovers will say but I'd like to hear from dads who have been in my shoes. I hope this is not too dramatic for my first post but it does keep me up at night.

[Astra2]

Re: Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

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Ok, I'm a mum, not a Dad but I feel that I am in the same boat. I grew up hating sport as my step father was obsessed with it and it was all that was on tv. As soon as the football season finished I would be really excited because I knew that we would be able to watch something, anything else for a change and then cricket would start up. I remember sitting in front of the tv watching the clock on the vcr click over to kill time. Anyway, I too was unco, always picked last, had few friends, could never join in on the conversations about sport and generally felt like a bit of a reject. This was worst when I lived in Geelong, boy are they sports mad. Funnily enough I am now married to a fitness freak who is great at sport. Thankfully he doesn't like to watch it much though and shares my love of art and reading.

Now that I am older and my husband has encouraged me to be more active I have realised that I am not actually useless at sport, I was just never encouraged or allowed to try (a bit of a neglected upbringing, anything that required any effort on my mother or step fathers part was out of the question). I also enjoy kicking a soccer ball around or shooting hoops with my husband occasionally.

I think my husband has the perfect balance. He can't talk to people about sport that much (nor does he want to or care) but he never felt humiliated because he was picked last. With our son I hope that he is like his father.

I am kind of looking forward to doing active things with him (like cycling, bush walking, rock climbing) and will be happy if he wants to do a team sport. My husband always enjoyed basketball and he might be the same. We will not push him though and we are already sharing our love of art and reading. I think if he is secure in himself then he won't mind if he is a bit different to everyone else.

[Jasziza]

Re: Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

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I personally tend to think it depends what sort of circles you mix in, and maybe even the state you live it. Perth's a lot more chilled about sport than Melbourne is (not sure where you're from). My DP and his male family members come across as some of the blokiest men you'll meet (truck-driving dad, semi-rural upbringing, family business is a salvage yard). None of them have any interest in sport whatsoever, however they get along very easily with other men. They seem to find other common ground (beer drinking? ). For the record my DP has a fine arts degree, my FIL is a truckie bush poet and DP's brother is gay. These things in no way negate their bloke-iness, and neither does their disinterest in spectator sport.

Finnsdad, you say that you are willing to get involved in and even attempt to like sport for the sake of your son. I think that your attitude is admirable. However, it may be that your DS tuns out to have no inclination towards sport, in which case he'll probably feel better about himself if he doesn't have a father who places any great value or emphasis on it. KWIM? I guess what I'm saying is take your lead from him. I don't think it's your job to mould him into what you perceive to be socially acceptable, but to support his natural interests and inclinations.

[willsmum]

Re: Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

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Well said Jasziza, thats what I was about to say

[server-guy]

Re: Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

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I think, be careful that you don't worry too much about shielding your son, from issues you faced. I mean.... my parents let me play league, but also made be play in a marching band. I remember one match where I played in the under 13's, then had to come back on and march play the trumpet in the pre match entertainment for the seniors.

Mortifying.

I would not dream either of putting my son in a position of ridicule in front of his peers by making him do something he did not want to do, but I'm not going to be concerned about him making choices that mean he is not going too fit in with the most common denominators of our society. I will encourage him to seek out people who think like he does, enjoy what he does, and ensure he feels strong and confident in his life choices to stand up for them.

Your son will like sport, or not. He will be good at it or not. Sport can be healthy pastime, but many take it too unhealthily seriously.

OK. So you don't like sport, and in a sport mad world, don't have much to say around the barbie. I can take it or leave it, but have sought out friends who feel the same way. I live in Byron Bay. There are some who are footy mad, but many like me who could not give rats arse about it.

Stand tall and embrace your lack of interest and knowledge of sport because its fine.

I do believe your son should do some sport, but let him have his own journey, don't worry to hard about shielding him from the paths you took. My take on that is you'll miss those other situations where you are really needed.

[lcorteen]

Re: Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

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Originally Posted by Jasziza

I personally tend to think it depends what sort of circles you mix in

Definately! DP is a professional sportsman, and is sports mad. The Dads of the kids ar school are more like you by the sounds - there are lots of musicians, artists etc. DP feels really out of it when we hang out with school parents as he feels like he has nothing to talk about.

I'm sure with a sensitive, thoughtful Dad guiding him, he'll find his way and the courage to be who he is no matter what 'the norm' is. That sort of inner confidence is I think what we all strive for, and playing sport won't necessarily engender that IYKWIM

xx

[finnsdad]

Re: Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

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Thanks guys. As I said this is my first parenting thread and I'm just blown away by the response. I guess what started me worrying was a thoughtless remark from a sport loving acquaintance (also a dad to be) who said "Looks like I'm going to have to bring your boy to the footy". At first I just laughed it off and then later I thought, does he really think that I wouldn't bring my son to a footy game just because I wasn't a fan? This made me think, will my lack of sporting passion be a problem in raising a boy? I have come to realize that even though I may never be a sports fan, I have so much more to teach my boy.

What I do like about sport is the sense of community and the great work done by local clubs to get the kids active. But it consumes some people. A couple of years ago my partners sister was dating a guy who is a sport nut. At xmas lunch we got to talking and after him going through each and every sport (footy?, F1?, Tennis?) asking me if I was a fan and me replying "no, not really" to each one, he had nothing further to talk about. To a point where he looked uncomfortable. I think that is sad. Here he was feeling the way I feel in many social situations where sport lovers are in the majority ( i live in Melbourne). I think for a moment he was just as worried that I would start a conversation that he couldn't carry.

So I think embracing my lack of sportiness while not shying away from it is the best course of action.

Once again thank you all for your great advice, I feel much better about it all.
I fully intend to support any and every interest Finn decides to take up. EVEN CRICKET.

[ENR]

Re: Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

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Originally Posted by finnsdad

I fully intend to support any and every interest Finn decides to take up. EVEN CRICKET.

Haha! My partner has played cricket since he was little and makes comments about taking his sons along to cricket. I have to remind him that he might have a daughter as well and that there are female leagues. He forgot about that one.

Part of me is hoping that the love of cricket is not genetic because I am so bored over it. I go to his cricket games most weeks and I have to remind myself to not forget to take a book with me.

[Jasziza]

Re: Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

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Cricket just seems to me to be the epitome of sports-boredom! So finnsdad your heart must really be in the right place!

And I reckon it's great that you've got friends who will take your DS to sports games.

[PA]

Re: Are sporty boys more acceptable in our society?

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Hi finnsdad

What great advice by everyone who responded! This is a bit off topic but I just finished reading "Raising boys" by Steve Biddulph. I thought it was excellent and my husband is reading it now. There is a chapter on sport but it is a look at the good and bad of sport and the impact on boys etc. Anyway just if you're interested in more reading I think it is one of the better books around for parents of boys!

I love the name Finn by the way and all the best for his arrival in a few months!