Bribery at the dinner table?

[Asha]

I am having a terrible time trying to get my 26 month old to eat any variety in his food.
I haven't, as yet, used any what I would call ''tactics'' eg you can have the meat if you eat your vegetables kind of thing. After reading many books about the rewards and bribery thing, I was wondering if manipulating them at the dinner table is along the same lines. The only way I can get him to eat vegies is to sneak them into some foods eg meatloaf but I would love him to start eating the same food as us. (pretty plain meat and vege kind of meals usually) I also give him mushy pureed food with vegies hidden it it (and distract him with toys while I spoon it into his mouth) just to get them into him.
My attempts at having him eat at the table with us always just result in him only wanting to eat the meat and refusing to try the vegies. I have tried preparing them a dozen different ways (roasted, with sauce, stirfried, different shapes, dipping etc) and he just will not eat them.
So anyway, my question is - how does everyone else do it? Do you bribe? Do you let them stay hungry? Do you give in and let them just eat what they will?
Any ideas?!

[Dorasmum]

I figure there is two reasons to get them to eat veg and variety. One is for their own good and health..so I sneak in pureed veg into pasta etc and then there is the need for them to learn and develop an eventual love for good food. So I do a bit of both. I keep offering good food, and don't give any alternatives. I keep in mind there are some OFF limits foods that I'll never get them to eat, and zero in on the ones that were..ok.. or almost ok, if I keep at them they'll eventually eat them.

So if they don't eat the obvious good food, at least they are getting some in hidden food. It's perfectly normal for them to buck at eating different foods, it's a laborious process and I'm going through it with my 6 yr old again now. The 2 year old is eating VERY well right now but I'm not expecting it to last.

Oh and my Mum always says not to worry too much, she said one of her aunts tells the story of her daughter living on jatz crackers and vegemite for two years and she grew up!

And don't look at the day for food intake variety..look at the whole week and I think you'll find there is more than you realise.

HTH Em

[lcorteen]

Yeah, I think it's normal... though frustrating.

We try to compromise in terms of giving them some things they like which are good for them as well as some things that are 'not their favourite'. The last thing we want is a fight over dinner because as Em says, we want them to have a love of good food.

I had heard that at about 4yrs old, kids start trying different foods and that was certainly the case with DD1. She is still really fussy, but at least tries things now. She has allergies and tends to get a bit run down from time to time so we try to really make sure she is getting some good nutrition. It's horrible when it becomes a battle. DD2 is 3.5 and eats everything!

Our kids eat salad at lunch and dinner before anything else. They get some control over what goes in it and on it, and they also sometimes help cut it up (this helped a lot when they were smaller). We also eat a salad with them. If they are not hungry and don't want salad, they are free to play, but they know there will be nothing else on offer. this happens sometimes when they've been to a party etc. We started DD1 on this when she was just over 2 - she did kick up at first and was mortified that we would not feed her what she demanded, but she settled into it really quickly. DD2 followed suit. It is pretty much just a standard part of our day that we all eat salad before any other part of our meal. I think it helps that we talk about what the different vegies have in them and how that helps them grow, learn and be well (e.g lots of calcium and iron in parsely - good for your blood and bones) - I don;t always know, but they are happy with the standard lines of 'helps you grow, good for your blood, good for your heart' etc.

Luckily they go to a fantastic school where the kids all have the same healthy lunchboxes they do, but I do find that as they get older and realise other kids do not eat as they do, it gets harder. They feel it's 'not fair' that they can't eat vegemite sandwiches on white bread for lunch with a bought muesli bar because 'such n such' can. Actually, I think we would have much less of a battle if they weren't aware that friends and cousins eat differently to them (refined crap IMO).

It's hard not to feel guilty either way - if I give in, I'm feeding them food I don't believe is good for them; if I don't I may be turning them off healthy eating... but the good food wins the battle, so it occasionally means there are boundary testing conflicts around food.

Sorry this was long! (as usual!!)

[hanabi]

They will eventually follow what you model, to their own tastes and inclinations. So keep serving up the vegies, and demonstrate your enjoyment of eating them, but don't fall into the power play of food bribery. It rarely works and just creates angst at a time of day when everyone is often angsty enough.

We grate and puree vegies into foods too. We substitute fruit for vegies if dinner doesn't get eaten (ie, they're encouraged to have an apple or banana if they don't like their dinner). We try to go a little easy on everyone at dinner time because the little ones are often tired and not terribly flexible.

The older kids are now at the stage where we talk about nutrition and what certain foods do for their growing bodies. They're more adventurous about tasting new foods and I'm not opposed to using a bit of seasoning (salt, chicken stock, butter) to enhance the natural flavour of vegetables on a plate.

I figure so long as they always see me savouring my vegetables and salads, they will eventually come around - in their own time.

[MindfulMama]

Originally Posted by hanabi

I figure so long as they always see me savouring my vegetables and salads, they will eventually come around - in their own time.

yeah, apparently i used to loathe veges as a kid & wouldnt eat anything. well, except for "papino" (mashed potato & pumpkin) & peas, but they had to each have a drop of tomato sauce on them . as an early teen my breakfast would be a pie & coke & ciggie on the way to school. today, i'm a healthy vegetarian whose diet consists mainly of organic veges!

[shaestar]

I look at the whole day (or week)rather than meal by meal. Dinner is usually a nightmare here cause my kids are early to bed early to rise (like really early lol) and they are tired and emotional by 5pm which is when we eat.
We offer healthy food all day, fruit and raw veg for snacks, maybe a fresh juice from the juicer if the day has been slack and whatever they eat at the table is a bonus. If nearly everything you offer is good healthy food then they can eat whenever and take the stress of mealtimes as well as be able to regulate their own appetite.
I know that I do feel as though Tannah goes to bed without dinner a lot (if she chooses not to eat it) but she has never woken up hungry and often doesn't ask for breakfast until we have been up for a while.

[lilys-mum]

we are going through this at the moment. we are trying to bring dd up with unconditional parenting methods so i am biting my tongue and going with the flow.
i find that instead of mashed veggies or eating with a spoon, dd repsonds more to a salad of sorts.
pieces of avocado, olives, cheese, tomatoes chopped, spinach leaf chopped, corn, peas, whatever else i can think of at the time.
this is working to a degree, as she is eating about half of it.
i agree with the weekly thing as some days she is more interested in playing than food.
Joy
C

[~Luna~]

I just dish up what they ask for to save issues
call me lazy, but they will crave what their body needs, so if they aren't asking for vegies for a few days, then they probably don't need them.
Tonight they asked for vegies and steak of all things
we were vegetarians for aaaaages, but they suddenly really wanted it and tonight ate every last bite.
I guess their body needed the extra iron, and because they haven't been eating much in the way of spinach or brussles sprouts (ewwww) their bodies needed a fast boost. They've been craving oranges lots too lately.
They want pasta most of the time, so that's what I make. I always make myself a different meal to them though and a little extra incase they ask to share it with me

[halfhippychick]

my first two are brilliant eaters, the third (4yo) is a shocker. pretty much will only eat pasta, cheese and chicken, apple and now watermelon, yay! I often give the girls a special treat if they eat all their dinner (on the nights when all of it is important, not on the lazy nights) and she rarely gets the treat. even that doesn't seem to bother her. every now and then I will make her sit in her place until she's taken a bite of some vegie, but it can take forever and it's so unpleasant for all of us. I am not too concerned and hope that eventually she'll fall in line with the rest of the family. I'd rather keep meal times pleasant at this stage...! in the meantime she seems to be growing up on bread, pasta and cheese. (add a glass of wine and that sounds just fine to me!!