Our Teen Daughters

[mischiefs_mum]

Our Teen Daughters

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I really hope this doesn't offend anyone.

I was watching Oprah today (quality ) and it was about how you could approach sex education to your children and what to do at various stages of there development. I thought it was great to see sex being spoken about so openly to curious little minds. You could see the wheels ticking over.

Then the discussion takes a turn. External clitoral vibrators for teenage girls. The theory (from a sex theropist) was that we need to encourage our girls to take ownership of there body. Teach them that its OK to have a play and have it feel good. I think she was saying that they need to know what an orgasm is and that they can satify themselves. The little exsternal vibrator is nessisary in her opinion as most women do not climax on there own. The aim was eliminating the need to get pleasure from a boy. At a time when hormones and curiosity are at a high they are able to understand there body and sort out there own needs in a private and safe way.

Hmmmmm......I honestly don't know what to think. I am all for empowering through education but is this a bit much? or is it a wonderful way to let girls get to know there body without involving a 2nd party

I hope this is not too out there. I will totally understand if it needs to be taken down. It was thought provoking and I was interested in what everyone here thought.

P.S So sorry for all the spelling errors. It has always been an issue for me and gets worse when I get tired!

[ENR]

Re: Our Teen Daughters

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I can't really explain this but I don't agree with it. To an extent it is a good idea but it takes it a little too far. Definetly a bull pit topic because it is so controversial.

[learnermum]

Re: Our Teen Daughters

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Goodness! I can understand the thoughts behind it, but I think you would need to be very comfortable bringing this up with your teen daughter! Would make thee talk even more embarassing for everyone!

Also is sexual pleasure the only reason for teenagers starting sexual relationships ( or one night stands)?
I would suspect that there a lots of reasons, peer pressure, curiosity probably others that I can't think off!
Personally I don't think I could do it!

[Purly]

Re: Our Teen Daughters

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I don't think this topic is too out there at all. Thanks for starting the discussion Mischief's Mum.

Did they talk much about little girls exploring their bodies and the way to approach that? By the sounds of your post they did. To me, and in a similar vein to the sexual abuse thread that is currently running, it all goes back to infancy and the way we treat them and approach sexuality and respecting their bodies right from the start. Little girls can be very interested in exploring their bodies, so if a parent in any way shames them for that early exploration that sets them up for all kinds of issues. I think empowering them to respect and value their bodies from early on is the answer, not a device in their teens.

Talk about shutting the gate after the horse has already bolted.

Dismissing a woman's ability to give herself an orgasm without a device annoys me too. REALLY annoys me.

[Temple]

Re: Our Teen Daughters

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While I don't think a vibrator is neccessary, I do agree with the idea that teaching young women that those great feelings they get when kissing and touching someone can also be experienced on their own.

Why let them believe that they have to rely on someone else to make them feel good? If they know that they can pleasure themselves, then perhaps the desire to get that pleasure will mean less unsafe behaviour, yk?

My DD is seven. And she (like all children) plays with her genitals. The only thing I request is that she maintains her privacy i.e don't do it in the loungeroom, please, especially in front of Nana

We've had the sex talk, but it was pretty factual, not much discussion about the feel good parts yet - she isn't interested in that so much at the moment. But when she is, we will talk about it. And when she is a teenager, I'll be happy to talk to her about pleasuring herself. If *we* don't talk to our daughters about it, who will?

[milkymumma]

Re: Our Teen Daughters

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Yes, I think it's absolutely essential that we

Originally Posted by mischiefs_mum

encourage our girls to take ownership of there body. Teach them that its OK to have a play and have it feel good.

BUT... how could a professional sex therapist really believe that women do not climax on their own? More to the point, what benefit does she see in preaching this to young women and their mums?
'You don't need a penis to orgasm!' Great!
'Oh, but you'll need to buy a small battery operated device.'
The message starts out wonderfully, but ends up, imo, sounding incredibly disempowering.
What's wrong with fingers?!!

Aside from believing external clitoral vibrators to be unnecessary for orgasm, there's still the practical issue of how a young woman's going to get her hands on one. I know that, at least in Australia, people under 18 years are not even permitted in shops (or the sections of them) that sell sex toys. So while I'd have no problem with my (hypothetical) teenage daughter wanting a vibrator or similar, I fail to see how my picking one out for her actually empowers her in any way.
jmho

[marchbean]

Re: Our Teen Daughters

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I watched some of the show. I understood her to say 'some' women can't climax on their own, not most. She also said the vibrator was for external use only - the one she showed was very small, maybe finger size. She was talking about 15-16 yr old girls too.

I wasnt sure how I felt about it when I watched it, and I'm still not sure! I'm certainly not against it, but not exactly comfortable with it either.

[JaneyC04]

Re: Our Teen Daughters

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I caught part of the show too - I think the girl was about 10. I have to agree with Learnermum about the reasons teenage girls start sexual relationships. Peer pressure is a HUGE reason - I havent been a teenager for many years but remember how bad peer pressure was. What I liked about the segment I saw was when they talked about the clitoris the cousellor stressed that it was okay for it too feel good, that it was nothing to be ashamed of. She also stressed the use of the correct terms, and it was all very matter of fact. I'm all for education and awareness but suspect the therapist might have taken this too far with the reasons for the vibrators.

[Emily33]

Re: Our Teen Daughters

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I remember being a teenager and longing to feel hugged and held. It just so happened that sleeping with someone had become a sexualised concept to me but the desire was there as I was not allowed to sleep with my parents as a baby. I just longed and craved to be held. And I now know in my heart that if I had have had those needs met by my parents when I was a baby I wouldn't have longed for them being met by someone else as a teenager and adult.

Yes, peer pressure is also huge and I probably don't understand how much that played in my decisions. No doubt when my DD nears the age I'll be wisening up!

I would hope that the hand would do the job for most! I have fond memories of discovering myself in my youth!

[Emily33]

Re: Our Teen Daughters

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PS And having a husband doesn't change that youthful need to connect with myself.