everything I wanted the second time around

Lis · #1 (**permalink**) 11-02-2007, 11:04 AM

---Lachlan Oliver was born 4:12pm on the 24th of January weighing 3780g ---

Wednesday began when Caitlyn woke me up at 5am from a deep sleep, and my squashed bladder made me get up. I noticed a bloody show when I went to the toilet, but was still too half asleep to realize what it meant. I convinced Caitlyn to come and lay back down with me in bed so that I could try and get some more rest, but then I began feeling some cramps and that really made me take notice of what was happening! I had a 5 minute “omg this is really happening” mini freak out, with my heart pounding and my mind racing, wondering if I could do it… feeling a little scared. But I calmed myself down and tried to relax. The crampy feelings were coming every 10 minutes or so but weren’t really painful, they just feel like period pains.

At about 8 I woke Kev up and asked him how he felt about going to the hospital to have the baby today. Haha. I occupied myself on the computer for awhile and started having to rock through the contractions at about 9, because they were getting stronger and more frequent. At about 10 I really had to concentrate and didn’t want any distractions during a contraction (I told Kev to be quiet more than once!)… and that was when I knew it was really going to happen today.

I was walking around the house trying to find more comfortable positions, but kept coming back to the computer chair, because I could swivel around in it and move really easily, and I also found a bit of relief rocking back and forward on the fit ball... but because my legs are so long, I felt too close to the ground, with my knees up too high to really get comfortable.

At about 11:30 the contractions were coming a lot closer together and they were a lot more painful. It was around this time that I felt like I couldn’t cope for awhile. I guess I just hit the wall and had to get past it… although there were a few contractions where I just didn’t want to do it anymore, and I felt like crying/screaming at someone. This was the only time I didn’t feel in control of what was happening.

I tried hopping in the spa bath, but it really wasn’t deep enough, and I just felt really cramped and trapped sitting down in that position, so I soon got out and moved to sit on the lounge and rock again. It was around that time that I felt like things were moving faster (once I accepted that I needed to let my body do what it had to do, I think). I got Kev to call my mum and get her to come home, cause I felt like I needed her close by. She got there about 1:30 and by then the contractions were about 3 or 4 minutes apart, and felt very strong. (strong enough to make me throw up a few times between them). At about 2:30 I told them we needed to go to the hospital, and I don’t think they really believed me for a second that it was really happening this soon, after the 30+ hour labour that I had last time. I was dreading going to the hospital, because of my bad experiences before, but at the same time I was needing to know how much progress I was making.

The 10 minute drive wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, although my leg muscles complained…I bounced up and down in the seat during contractions, and just had to keep moving. I had a few brief amusing thoughts of what other people in cars must have wondered about what I was doing.

When we got inside the hospital, the midwife asked me to lay on the table so she could check how dilated I was, and I agreed to only between contractions, which was hard because they were coming even faster… she left the room as I was getting undressed and I had to jump back off the table as she came back in, because there was no way I was laying on my back for a contraction! Mum later told me that she was very impressed with how I did what I wanted and didn’t let them tell me what to do, and how focused I was during the whole thing… she said she was proud of how I took charge.

Anyway, I was 7cm dilated at that point, which was a great relief to me, and a huge weight off my shoulders (again, a feeling left over from last time)

We headed up to the birthing rooms and another midwife came in to check on me, and she tried to convince me that I should take some pain relief. I distinctly told her no, and yet she persisted on telling me where the gas machine was, and that there were “no medals for bravery, you know!” in a disapproving tone.
I wanted to knock her down at that point, and it was really discouraging hearing someone say something like that, as though I wasn’t doing well enough on my own. I felt dejected for a second but pushed all the negative thoughts aside. Luckily she left and didn’t come back. The midwife that I’d originally seen came back then, and she was great.
The only thing that annoyed me was that they were all talking during contractions, and it really messed up my concentration for awhile, but I had to focus so hard that I couldn’t tell them to be quiet, cause I needed all my energy for the task at hand. I was mostly in my own little world though, so it didn’t bother me for long... they all seemed far away in the distance.
At about 3:45 I was starting to feel an urge to push during the most intense part of the contractions, and I could really feel the baby moving down, and getting closer to being born. It really is amazing what trusting your body and relaxing (even if you have to force your muscles to relax, and really focus on releasing the tension, it does work)
In the beginning, I forced myself to relax all my muscles during a contraction, and really just let my body do the work, but by the end, I was relaxing almost automatically, and I really think that helped immensely in speeding up the labour.

Right at the end I visualized that I was climbing a mountain during each contraction…I was leaning over with my hands on the bed, and bouncing with my feet still on the ground, but moving my legs and my hips as though I was jogging. It really was like I was climbing a mountain, and I talked myself through it in my head, willing myself to just go that bit further during each contraction.

The midwife checked my dilation again, and said that I was fully dilated and that I would need to get up on the bed so that I didn’t have the baby on the floor. My mum made a joke about catching the baby if I did, and I think the midwife thought she was serious and told her how slippery and hard to catch the baby would be, and how the floor was really hard haha.
I understood why I had to get up on the bed but still felt a bit apprehensive after being stuck on my back in agony last time. But I didn’t need to worry, cause she put the end of the bed right up so that I was practically squatting, and then she held one of my feet and had Kev hold the other one, and showed me how to push using my leg muscles and the leverage that I had in that position.

Pushing him out was a great experience… it was so exhilarating finally having something to do, finally being able to use the contractions constructively rather than just bearing the pain of each one… and because I had stayed upright and active during the labour, it was quite short and I still had plenty of strength left to focus on pushing. I had sweat running down my face from the exertion, but I didn’t feel pain anymore, until the head crowned and the burning and pressure hit me.
Now this is the gross part. Because of the episiotomy scar tissue, I wasn’t able to stretch as much as I otherwise might have been able to... she told me this was the case, and she seemed annoyed by it, and made her feelings on episiotomies known more than once. I was really loving that she was so against interventions.

I tore so badly that blood sprayed in her face. I felt bad, but she didn’t even stop what she was doing to wipe it off, and just kept helping me push. She told me later that it wasn’t that I pushed too hard, or too fast… it was just the way things happened. I think if I had of backed off a little during the crowning then maybe I wouldn’t have torn so badly, but there’s nothing that I can change now!

They were all encouraging me during contractions, saying how well I was doing, and it really only took a few, because I pushed him out in 16 minutes! (a bit of a change from the 2+ hours of my previous birth)

The midwife put him straight up on my chest and wrapped a towel around us. I told her that I didn’t want the cord cut until it stopped pulsating and she had no problem at all with that. She asked Kev if he wanted to cut the cord and he looked a bit horrified haha. But my Mum excitedly said she wanted to, so she did.

The placenta came out fairly easily (along with a massive blood clot about the size of a dinner plate, it was a bit scary!... no wonder my belly was so big lol) and then there was no hurry to do anything. He wasn’t taken off my chest until well over 2 hours later after the doctor finished the mammoth job of stitching up the tear.

I am so grateful for so many reasons that I got the midwife that I did. When she bathed him and checked him over/measured him etc she was so gentle and unhurried. I remember how Caitlyn was treated after her birth, and the rough way she was pushed and poked and plopped in the bath… and I remembered hearing her screaming after they dunked her in the water, and I felt terrible for her. But this time was so peaceful. He floated in the bath just looking up at her, completely calm.
My second birthing experience was for the most part a very positive one, and apart from the huge tear (which is so far healing a lot better than the episiotomy last time, big surprise there! *not*…did I mention how much I hate episiotomies?) it was everything that I hoped it could be.

I have noticed so many differences between the two labours and births, and all of them good…due to equal parts knowledge and belief in myself second time around, as well as the completely natural labour, and the intense satisfaction, empowerment and natural high that came from birthing without drugs.
I urge anyone to trust in their body and do it too! I was scared and anxious and a little bit afraid, but I overcame it, despite everything… and if I can do it, then anyone can!

(attached photo of him sleeping on the boob, his favourite place to be

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kermi · #2 (**permalink**) 11-02-2007, 11:15 AM

I've said it before Lis and I'll say it again hon - As a birthing mumma - You Rock!!

Heartwood · #3 (**permalink**) 11-02-2007, 11:18 AM

Lis congratulations on your beautiful birth and your gorgeous baby!
Isn't it wonderful when you have a great birth- especially in hospital as it's pretty rare