Calen's arrival.....

[kermi]

Counting down to birth number 4... I figure it's time to share my previous births...so I'm starting with my eldest.

I was single and sharing a duplex with my younger sister. The sweltering summer heat had kept me from wandering too far from home in my last few weeks of my pregnancy.
Christmas day was spent lazily squirting my 2.5 year old nephew and sister with spray bottles... and throwing ice on each other... Kinda troppo heat and no aircon can do that.

On the day I was due (Jan 10, 1995) my girlfriend Toni - my birth support person visited and sat watching me intensely. I joked that I was fine...I'd let her know. Neither of us really knew what we were in for...but there was a definite air of excitement and expectation.

By 5pm she left, instructing me that she was going to cook her mum's birthday dinner.... and that I only had another week before she had to return to her teaching position further down the coast. This baby had to appear before the holidays were up!

Another phone call from her at 8pm to tell me she was going to bed. I laughed and said it was ok. She was only 20 mins away.

10mins later there was a knock on the door and one of my father's young male boarders was on the doorstep. Living 2mins from my father came in handy sometimes...tonight Bernie was wondering if I had some decent coffee...not the instant stuff Dad supplied them.

Bernie was a quiet guy at least 3 years older than I...but we'd developed a steady friendship as I did the cleaning at my Dad's boarding house when I was up to it.

So my sister invited him in and in one of her quirkier moments asked him if he'd every heard of the Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy? So they both sat and watched the BBC series until late.

I headed to bed around 10pm...and feeling uncomfortable at just after midnight, I woke with quite a start. These weren't BH and seemed rather intense...although irregular.

I calmly lay in my bed tossing up my options...an hour or so later, I decided I needed some support and quietly wandered out to the lounge to call Toni and maybe chat for a short while...I still thought it would be days away.

To my surprise Bernie was asleep on the couch and I inadvertently woke him when I turned the light on. He instantly realised that I was in the early stages of labour....and offered to give me a lift to the hospital. I hadn't planned this part...and I think it kind of threw me...but I gratefully accepted.

He asked me where my bag was...and I motioned to the cupboard in my bedroom while breathing through a painful contraction...so he asked me if I had everything packed or did I need more help? Somehow, he timed my contractions, finished packing my things and rang the birth suite to say we were coming and got me in the car.

It was nearly 4am when we arrived and were taken straight to the suite. The midwife signing me in joked that my file wasn't on the ward...so I mustn't be due yet. Apparently they are sent up from Antenatal clinic after your due date...and they'd timed mine as Jan 25.

A VE soon after showed I was already 4cm dilated....and definitely in labour. Bernie hid his eyes but sat beside me and held my hand...I didn't even consider that he was still a stranger really but here he was beside me.

A bath was run at my request...and the MW on duty indicated she would fetch some pyjama pants from the mens ward so Bernie could join me. His protest of: "But I'm not the fath...." was cut off by a wink and a "I won't tell if you don't," as she left.

Bernie asked for Toni's phone number and excused himself to call her, returning minutes later to help me into the bath and slowly giving me a backrub to help ease the pain of each contraction.

My mind was focused on getting through...when Toni wandered in around 5:30am....complaining her mum had insisted she iron her clothes and make her bed before she left...even though we were both 23.

The water was getting cold and I needed some other form of distraction by nearly 7am. So it was up and walk around the ward for a few hours assisted by either Toni or Bernie as they took short breaks between them. Not a lot was spoken - even when my sister arrived by 11am and impatiently informed me that she'd had to work out where I'd gone...and that at least her son was born at 2am and I got to wake up to news of his arrival...

By 1:15pm I requested some assistance...and we went back to the Birth Suite. The MW on duty seemed very detached and businesslike. I remember thinking I didn't like her... but struggling to concentrate on getting through each contraction, I kept quiet. The gas made me nauseous...Toni massaged my back while Bernie wiped my face and tried to keep me hydrated. At some stage the MW accidently knocked the mix to nearly 100% and I overdosed - I could hear Toni say that my eyes had rolled back in their sockets as she and Bernie carefully lay me down.... The MW removed the mask and hose from my reach and waited for me to come around. Carefully and slowly she told me I needed rest as I was too exhausted. I agreed and pethadine was given.

As I dozed, Bernie napped at my right with my hand in his. Toni still held my left and kept watch as the MW left us to it. As each contraction took hold of my body, I tensed and dug my fingers deep into their hands...but I didn't feel it. Somehow Bernie didn't remove his grip though.

Less than half an hour after my injection, I woke realising I was in need of pushing...urgently! Toni buzzed the MW back and tried to help me sit up. Bernie awoke and assisted.

After my second VE, I was found to be only 8cm dilated.... so the MW put her face close to mine and informed me firmly I would need an epidural at this point. In my semi conscious state - I shook my head and heard Toni explain firmly - "She doesn't want an epidural". Bernie stroked my hand and asked me if I'd changed my mind....I managed to grunt a forceful "NO!".

I knew I wasn't far off...but my bladder was full...I felt that was what was stopping me..but I couldn't think straight to tell the MW...it seemed an age before she finally realised and quickly gave me a catheter. Not before trying to get me to have another think about an epi. I just growled at her. I felt a surge from my support duo run through my body...like an energy burst. Suddenly my waters broke and I felt empowered again.

I heard the MW groan and mumble something to the other. But it didn't register. I was now fully dilated and effaced...nothing was stopping me now.

Bernie voice echoed through my head as I pushed with each contraction. I only held off for a second worrying about tearing before giving in and allowing my body to take over. Toni's excited voice bobbed in occasionally - especially when the head crowned. Someone tried to get a mirror but I was too focused to care. With the head finally out...the body followed in the next 2 pushes. At some stage I know the MW had mentioned an episiotomy...and Toni growled saying she'd bite her if she did. I felt a powerful surge of gratitude to my childhood friend.

My 6lb 5oz baby was placed on my bare breasts at 3:19pm as I lightly rested and closed my eyes. Bernie's voice came through as held on tight. "It's a boy," I instantly opened my eyes and checked. I hadn't considered I was having a boy... but he had a full head of dark hair, dark as night eyes (so brown you fell into them - Toni said) and was very calm. After the placenta was birthed and checked, I spent a few moments staring in wonder at this tiny being in my arms...

I realised that I now had a male MW, Richard. He fussed and asked if I needed a hand. His bright and positive aura really lightened me. He did the measurements (37cm head and 47cm long) and helped me feed my baby. I was instantly at ease.

I had one internal tear that required 12 stitches....and 3 doctors to work out "how" to do it.... but I didn't feel a thing.

Toni raced out to tell some of my family the news...but raced back in to ask his name. I don't know where in my consciousness it came from but I knew his name was Calen Piers. He had arrived.



Toni later told me that Bernie had confessed during my labour that he was a virgin and not sure whether he'd done the right thing that night. He didn't know if he'd been any real help to me. Somehow I knew that we had a strong bond that nothing would break now. Even now, his friendship is one of my most valued even though I rarely see him. I could never express how in awe I am of his selfless act or how much it meant to me....and he's never asked for anything in return.

Toni has now gone on to have 4 children of her own...and is still one of my dearest friends.

[GreenGully]

Oh Carmen thats a beautiful story. I love how you knew his name. What wonderful support!

[Eilleen]

thank you for sharing that C. You are amazing. What wondrful friends you have.

[Wombat]

Wow what an empowering birth story Carmen. You do have amazing friends to support and stand up for you when you needed them most.

[~Harmony~]

beautiful!

[kermi]

Thanks girls, have been trying to find a photo to post of my gorgeous little bub.

[mammadyl]

WOW Carmen...I got goosebumps. How lucky you were that Bernie was there for you in such a way....
WOW.....wow...wow...speechless really!
Look forward to the other stories now...

[gentleness]

What a story! I was grinning, laughing and eventually eyes brimming with tears as I read through it! Thank you so much for sharing!

[Bronnie]

fabulous carmen!

[~joht~]

thanks for sharing carmen. im in awe of bernies selfless support for you - how lovely!