My c/s birth

[~*Nile*~]

I've been putting off Lilly's birth story for 2.5 years now, but now I'm pg again I've decided I need to put it all down in writing.

We tried for 4 years for DD, so when we found out I was pg we were elated. I was quite anxious about the pain of childbirth but the idea of a c/s never entered my mind. At 35 weeks my dr was concerned dd was still breech. Normally she said there was plenty of time to turn but I have a bicornuate uterus, shaped like a heart, and extremely common in breech presentations.

I went to the Ob who declared I'd need a c/s as bub will never turn. I asked him if there was a chance I could birth her naturally but he pretty much laughed at me and said nobody did that anymore as it was too dangerous. I went home feeling sick - I knew I'd avoid the pain of birth but I knew a few women that had c/s and they said they were much worse that vbs.

So I rolled up at 39+3 like the dutiful girl I was. I waited over an hour on the trolley with IV cords hanging out of me b/c two other women were before me (an assembly line IMO ). I wanted DH there for the spinal but they wouldn't allow it. It was horrible. So they lied me down and dry shaved me, which I found really demeaning. As they were putting the catheter in I commented I could still feel my legs, but staff told me they'd be numb soon and not to worry. They put up the blue sheet and within a minute or so I felt pain. At first it was a mild stinging, but within a few seconds it became excruciating, searing pain. I can remember crying "owww oowww, it hurts, I can feel it". I saw them put GA into my IV and within a few seconds I was asleep.

I awoke in the recovery room, confused and groggy, asking what had happened and was my baby okay. They said she was fine and that staff had knocked me out. I started to cough and the pain in my incision was terrible, looking back the spinal never worked full stop, it wasn't just slow acting. I was wheeled into my room to find a beautiful, alert little girl who looked just like her father. Lilly had an Apgars of 9 and 10 and was bright as a button! She had been cleaned up and dressed, which I felt disappointed about. I look at pictures of DD covered in vernix and blood, and the tears in my DH's eyes while holding her and I felt and still feel robbed. I missed smelling her and seeing DH hold her.

The anesthetist came in shortly after to explain that I had "thick spinal muscles" so the spinal had only 'soaked' in a little way. He told me it was extremely rare (I don't think 7% is extremely rare>( ) and that any further c/s would mean a GA as this issue would never resolve itself.

I struggled so badly for the next week with bfing and the pain of my incision. I beeped the nurse on about the third day b/c I was positive I'd split my stitches. She seemed really annoyed by me and curtly told me I hadn't and it was my fault b/c I had the bed up too high I pretended to be able to bf to get out of there as the maternity unit was full to the brim and nurses were overworked and totally unhelpful with my bfing. Upon discharging, I revved the NUM for pressuring my to bf without providing any support or assistance. I told her if the hospital wanted to push bfing (which is great) they needed to provide better support to women struggling so they don't feel like a failure.

Well, that's Lilly's story.

[bunty]

Oh your story is a familiar one to me (breech baby, c-section - although I was 'allowed' 9 hours of labour).

Thanks for sharing Lil's birth with us. I found with my c-sec it did take a lot of processing and I still feel those pangs of sadness when I realise everyone got to meet my baby - my baby - before I did. Thank goddess my second birth was different. I hope you get the birth you want this time around.

[mummabare]

oww that really pulled at my heart....

Im wishing you the a positive birth experience for your next wee one and I completely understand the bf thing....there is no point is pressuring mothers to bf if you are not going to offer incredible support. It will only have the reverse effect for many.

Much love to you and thanks for sharing.

xxx

[mummymoo]

Thank you for sharing your story. Certainly stirred my emotions. I hope your second birth is as you want it, and that telling the story helped.

Love to you. I hope that sharing brings some relief. Processing it is horribly hard but worth it to give your new baby, and you, the best possible start.

[~Harmony~]

Thankyou for sharing yours and Lilly's story. Healing for you as you process, and blessings for your next birth

[kadownie]

Thanks for sharing your story- I also had pain in my c-section- was most unpleasant. I'm sorry that you missed the first moments of your bub's life- I feel like that as well with my twins- very sad!

blessings for you next birth

[Hailstorm]

Oh dear how sad for you that sounds like it was so painful (and I don't mean only physically) here's to a beautiful easy birth may all your dreams and wishes come true ((((HUGS))))

[MegAndMikey]

Thanks for sharing your story, I hope it's helped to write it down. Processing a previous traumatic birth when you discover you're pg can be quite a journey, I'm busy discovering this for myself as well.

Do you have any support groups in your local area? I've found that after just one night at Birth Talk (Brisbane) I've worked through so much, although I have a long way to go. It's also opened my eyes to many questions I need to ask before this baby's birth - things I probably wouldn't have thought of otherwise. I really hope you can find similar support as I think working through it alone would probably be quite lonely at times.


The care you recieved last time sounds attrocious, I really hope you have another option open to you this time around. I'm thinking of hiring a doula (I'm not sure if all doula's have worked as mw's, but I know I will be looking for one who has a fair amount of experience as one) this time around so that I have someone independant of the hospital mw's who I can trust to give me advice which is in the best interests of myself and my baby. Have you thought of doing something similar?

Posting here is also so helpful, many of the mums here seem to be fonts of information on VBAC and birth in general, I'm sure many of them will be able to help you on your journey.

Lots of love

[Eilleen]

((hugs))