How much does a VB change your "V"

[StacyGee]

Hiya~ I'm a new poster here, and after reading the thread on pelvic floor issues I've decided to post a related question.

I'm 39 years old, about to have my first baby (any day now), and there is only one real fear I have...

What happens to the quality of sex/the quality of your vagina/pelvic floor after birth? I know there may be tearing (or cutting for that matter...does it really 'heal' after 6 weeks or so or how long does it take to get back to normal?

And...the real question I have is...is it 'looser" for the male when you do go back to sex?

I probably don't want to know the answer to this, but I'm fairly small down there at this point and worry more than a little that I'm going to never be the same again.

[~*WindofGrace*~]

Ok, maybe I'm not a good source of info as I only had a minor tear ( thanks to my pigheadedness to continue pushing) but....

I didn't really have any complaints from DH and we were back to it 4 weeks after the birth. He did comment it was different, but not it a bad way, and only when I asked him outright...lol.

I did heaps of kegels exercises and stuff though. I actually had to go back in to the see the midwives for an tear on the inside that wasn't picked up 8 months later ( it was causing problems) and they actually commented on how "small" I was.

I don't think you will ever "be the same" again after birth, but thats not always a bad thing. I found I enjoyd certain aspects of sex a lot more after the birth... so there you go! Wow, somehow I feel like I've given you all TMI...lol.

Have you talked to your partner about your concerns?

Edit: Oh, I noticed you met your partner online. I met DH online when I was 13. Moved from the US as well..lol. Australia is fantastic. So grateful I had my little man here.

[StacyGee]

Hay Hay

Thank you...me also loving the AU, particularly given what's going on 'over there' right now. Sheesh!

There is no such thing as TMI here...I've been looking around the web and I keep finding "don't worry it's all no problema" threads while I am super hard pressed to believe it really can be exactly as it was before! So the more info the better. Thanks...

Yes I did meet my partner in a virtual world called secondlife.com...our story is here (ignore the geekspeak a bit) Second Life 2 Real Life Love: A Virtual World That Can Get You Pregnant: OUR STORY. We actually got our story published in That's Life mag back in June which helped us a lot with bills! 8))

BTW, if anyone happens to be from the Hornsby area I'm keeping my eyes open for a *cool* mom's group up here...



I basically came to be with him for the first time, and got pregnant in about three days of arrival. I'm such a tart!

[Jamie]

My husband says he can't notice a difference. He is too kind.

Yes, it is different, but I don't think it is worse. I has stitches with my first and refused them for the next two. With the first it took a few months until sex was completely comfortable and I wasn't worried about pain, but with the other two I had no problems.

I think pelvic floor exercises are needed, but I don't think a straightforward vaginal birth will destroy your sex life.

[Monkeymum]

I think as long as you practice kegels (for your health and pleasure as much as for his enjoyment) then you will not have dramas. It's never the same as it was, but not worse IMO. I have had an episiotomy with first and then birthed a 9lb baby with no tears for the second and we still have a healthy, active sex life (enough to be expecting a 3rd!!)
You might freak out once you see it post-birth if it is swollen/stitched/bruised but these things fade and heal and soon enough it will look and feel normal again.
try not to stress wishing you all the best with your birth

[hanabi]

I think the changes in our sex lives after giving birth are less about what a vaginal birth has done to our bodies physically, and more about what having a baby in the house does to us emotionally. Few new mothers are as keen on sex after baby as we were before. So many husbands are just downright grateful for whatever sex they get from their touched-out, sleep-deprived partners - whether it feels somewhat different for them becomes quite irrelevant.

And I agree with WindofGrace when she says sex is better for her now than before. I think a vaginal birth can give us more sexual sensation and confidence - which benefits our husbands more than 'a tight fit' iykwim. Life is change, change is life. Don't become too attached to the way things used to be or anticipate the way things should be. Just enjoy what is. Does this make sense?

And welcome Stacy. All the best for your impending birth.

[Bronnie]

no complaints from my DH. even though i wasn't do my PF exercises properly OOPS, but I am now

[peanut2007]

i havent had any complaints from DP here, and had a Vaginal birth with no tears.
Ive always had rather good pf muscles and DP made a comment after peanut was born that they were still really good lol.
Ive personally found i enjoy sex alot more as ive found it increases sensation JMHO.

good luck with your first bub

[justincredible]

No complaints here either. In fact my sex life now rocks my world more than it ever has.
I have not torn (a couple of minor labial grazes) and birthed a bubba over 10.5lb.
DH says it really doesn't feel any different.

[GreenGully]

Most of the "damage" done to your pelvic floor actually occurs when babe is in utero. There is a LOT of pressure on your pelvic floor during pregnancy. Short term, yes, you may have tearing which needs to heal, but a vaginal birth itself isn't really going to do much damage long term as far as I am aware.
The whole concept of "tight" being better is actually kind of repulsive to me as it places the focus on male gratification only AND it reeks of the lack of self acceptance that so effectively oppresses women.