What should we do with our 3yo if I'm labouring/birthing at night?

meitaimama · #1 (**permalink**) 26-03-2008, 09:20 PM

Dh tells me he's been worrying a lot about what to do with our dd, who will have just turned 3, when I'm in labour and birthing. DD has never slept w/o me and wakes up frequently in the evenings wanting me to cuddle her or BF her. She's sleeping through the night most of the time now... but she still wants me there and will wake up and freak out if I'm not.

If the baby arrives during the day I don't think it'll be a problem - DD can be looked after by a friend either at the birth centre, if she wants to see the birth, or elsewhere. She's fine w/o me and dh during the day. But at night it's another matter...

I'm not sure what would be worse in active labour.... dealing with dd's demands (no way I'll be able to lie down beside her for any length of time!) or worrying that she's waking up needing me and finding me gone....

Any advice?
Thanks!

Sarah

**moneypenny** · #2 (**permalink**) 26-03-2008, 09:56 PM

I will be having my just turned three year old with me at the birth. And the 7yo and the 11yo

I would sugguest that you have someone sensitive to both yours and her needs be her guardian during the birth. When my DD was 3 1/2, her grandma looked after her during her brothers birth at the BC. She was there for most of the birth but was taken out just before he crowned.
If you are going to have her there, prep her as much as you can with realistic noises and even look at a couple of births on video if you can.

Deesalie · #3 (**permalink**) 27-03-2008, 08:40 AM

we were faced with the same problem with Julian- who was 21 months when i had anna.

Surprisingly- he slept through most of it! Or when he stirred DP just helped to settle him. I laboured around him for quite some time and he just didn't seem to notice.

Fortunantely my dad was staying with us at the time and when it was time to go to the hospital he jumped into bed with him and he didn't care.

as Moneypenny said... just try and prep her as much as you feel is necessary

AmyS · #4 (**permalink**) 27-03-2008, 09:51 AM

I'm having the same issue. My daughter is 3 1/2 and tells me she doesn't want to be at the birth. Fine during the day, but at night.... I think we'll just have her grandparents come over and hope that she'll be ok. She sleeps with me half the time, still BF and has never had anyone else settle her at night, so it's a major worry for me. But, she is starting to sleep longer stretches (sometimes), so hoping for the best.

**Nyree** · #5 (**permalink**) 27-03-2008, 12:23 PM

DD is still resettles only with a boob, but there have been a couple of times she's had to sleep at my Mum's place. Without me there, Mum was able to resettle her. I don't think mum slept much, but at least she co-slept with DD.

Have you got anyone she's close to who could come over in the night should it be necessary?

meitaimama · #6 (**permalink**) 28-03-2008, 10:07 PM

Thanks for all the advice and for all your stories - it is so good to know that other people have BTDT. DD is very interested in birth and has been watching videos of births with me and reading books like Hello Baby, so I think she'll be OK experiencing the birth, which is why I'm mainly concerned only about the whole night settling thing

. I can't even begin to explain to mainstream friends that she will only sleep/settle with me!

lulu12345 · #7 (**permalink**) 29-03-2008, 03:39 PM

if she sees that you are in labour im sure she will understand that you are unable to feed her to sleep. I had my mister 3(bf at night) with us at our birth of daughter and was worried too, we had granma take him out for breaks etc.

If they are there with you for most of the day, they will sleep, its pretty exhausting work helping mum in labour. My lil man was in the shower with me, walking with me, walking with gran, he slept when and where he dropped, and was woken when she crowned.

Has she ever had a bottle with expressed milk? maybe an option. but in reality she will be so ingrossed in what is going on she wont notice not having boobie just this one time. and if not ingrossed, warn out and ready to sleep.

all the best, its a fantastic thing to share with your child, My son still loves every minute of the birth, he felt a part of it and was a very special helper. he has an extremely close bond with his lil girl and its just lovely to see.

lulu12345 · #8 (**permalink**) 29-03-2008, 03:42 PM

oh and I started labour at 2am so he wasnt woken till 7ish, when we transfered and he was up with us til she was born at 2pm.and slept on the way home and very very well that night, beside his precious sister..

DHA_mama · #9 (**permalink**) 30-03-2008, 02:06 AM

I wonder how labour will unfold for you. Such a great unknown.

I had a 23 month old when I had my second labour, I to was feeding her and resettling her during the night. It turned out that because my labour went all day, she was sooooo exhausted with the exciting day that she fell asleep at 11 pm without me for the FIRST TIME in her life.

So I vote for our children are more adaptive and responsive than we give credit for. - That said I was tandem feeding her during the night when she woke up after her sister was born and I was thinking, what am I doing?! Things worked out in the end.

meitaimama · #10 (**permalink**) 30-03-2008, 10:58 PM

Thanks for even more advice! Now I'm thinking that I should really get her tired out while I'm in labour to help her sleep! I'm not sure she will be understanding about me not being able to attend to her while I'm in labour though.... when I was really sick with a bad bout of gastro a couple of months ago she was VERY cranky about limited night BFing and told me the next day that she was angry with me!