Conflict resolution/ anger management.

JAK · #1 (**permalink**) 29-08-2007, 02:44 PM

I'm running out of ideas of J to deal with conflict resolution and anger management. J is autistic (HFA) and has very set ideas and rules. When other children change those rules or go against his (as they do) he reacts with anger and often physical (usually pushing them away).

Counting to 10, walking away, taking deep breaths don't really have much of an impact with this. Neither does telling him that he shouldn't worry about it. For him these rules help to keep anxiety down and help him make sense of his world. Unfortunately these rules aren't very flexible.

Some of the strategies we're trying atm are using a *calm down* book, going for a walk with an aide, the use of a *I'm angry* chart (which gives some basic strategies to use when angry).

Anyway, after that, I'm after any ideas that you have. Traditional ones are useless for him, so creative ones are great. Except, I'm out of ideas really. I need to find a way to get him to stop before he reacts. What do you use? Any ideas that we can practice at home to be used at school?

I've spoken to Autism Victoria etc and they all say this is the hardest area (not helpful), but don't have any great ideas either.

mammadyl · #2 (**permalink**) 29-08-2007, 06:14 PM

Hugs S, I so know where you are!!

Friends of mine did a 'do the turtle' - so that when the child was upset/anger/frustrated etc they could cross their arms over their body, tighten their shoulders up to their neck and 'do the turtle'!! It was a visual way for them to let other kids know they needed some space, and also gave the child something to focus on doing to 'bring them back'...maybe that could work for you, but maybe J could be a mummy re his egytp obsession or some such?..

For my ds at the moment it is about using his words to let people know. So saying 'please don't do x, it hurts/frightens/upsets me' etc...maybe J having that as a 'rule' for him, to phrase how he is feeling when x happens - do you think that my help?

HUGS, so wish I could do more....

Heartwood · #3 (**permalink**) 29-08-2007, 09:57 PM

I attended anger management at 13. We were able to relate a good portion of the anger stemmed from a lack of sleep. I also suffer with SPD and get easily frustrated. I think getting to the root of the anger is important. I found it hard to control my anger, and avoidance was the only "cure". I was very violent.

JAK · #4 (**permalink**) 30-08-2007, 06:47 AM

Bek - 'doing the turtle' is a really interesting idea, being a mummy sounds like something we could try.

Kathy - sleep is always an ongoing issue here. We have identified one particular time where anger is used and identified the cause. Unfortunately, avoidance isn't always an option (though I know J would love that idea, lol). I do hope that age and maturity will help him a bit. What is SPD?

moo · #5 (**permalink**) 30-08-2007, 08:53 AM

It sounds like this is happening at school. Are the other children aware of your boy's condition? I think asking THEM to be flexible/just walk away isn't unreasonable. Blessings to you and your boy.

Heartwood · #6 (**permalink**) 30-08-2007, 10:38 AM

I wouldn't make a deal at school. You can't control the outside environment all this life. I'd be more inclined to teach him to recognise what makes him feel frustrated/angry, and talk through ways HE thinks he could diffuse/avoid the situation.

SPD or SID stands for Sensory Processing/Intergration Disfunction. People suffering with SPD have difficulties processing information and are affecteed with stimuli.

JAK · #7 (**permalink**) 30-08-2007, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heartwood

I wouldn't make a deal at school. You can't control the outside environment all this life. I'd be more inclined to teach him to recognise what makes him feel frustrated/angry, and talk through ways HE thinks he could diffuse/avoid the situation.

This is basically what the school counsellor and I came up with this morning. We have a small reportiore of strategies for J to use, depending on the situation and where in the school it occurs - so there are some for the classroom and some for the playground.
Thanks for explaining SPD - I know it as SID, so was scratching my head with the acronyms.

Moo- one of the strategies we also came up with was to discuss a few of Js issues and how to help him. Unfortunately one boy is unlikely to do this, so we had to also come up with some strategies to not retaliate.